Investigative Journalism: An Absurd take on a Random Phrase. (638 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.16 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Will Zone <dianoga101.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-10-23 14:19:57 EDT
Los pingüinos están en el wáter.
The penguins are in the toilets.
Being that my above plea for suggestions for journal topics received such a, well, vacant response [except sugar-snit who said keep up the good work], I've decided to do things the old fashioned way...by using a random phrase generator [ http://www.smartphrase.com/cgi-bin/...humorous&normal ] to give me suggestions for posts...just like Grandpa used to do.
I chose my language, Spanish, the tongue of Cheech Marin, and picked the "humorous" phrase choice...like Cheech Marin woulda done, and finally, I clicked "Next Random Phrase." My phrase, the very funny: "The penguins are in the toilets." OK, now to write a journal entry using that phrase as a suggestion.
Shit.
What the pumpkin can I do with "The penguins are in the toilets"? I mean, I can delve into to why I think penguins are great...but how does that tie into 'toilets'? What does it all mean? What is the big picture? What is this "random" phrase trying to tell me? Where does it lead? Follow the white rabbit. Follow the black and white bird. This is my mystery. My quest. My story.
At first glance I immediately think that this is a hockey reference. A dig on the performance of the Pittsburgh Penguins. But this phrase is too specific. It would make sense if it was "toilet" (singular) as opposed to toilets (um, plural). The Pittsburgh Penguins are in the toilets...no, that's not right. Everything about this phrase has to make sense. My quest continues.
Looks as though I'm gonna have to get all 'Woodward and Bernstein' on this phrases ass!
Doing a google search for "The penguins are in the toilets." comes up pretty empty. 3 hits. 2 of the 3 are Blogs from a journal titled "600 Seconds"....could this be the lead I'm looking for? 600 seconds...10 minutes...What does it all mean? I don't know.
The 600 Second Lead: Fred is this Bloggers name and he apparently used the Random phrase generator as well to come up with a topic for his Blog. There are 2 entries, dated 7-30-02 at 9:12AM and at 11:04AM. [ http://600seconds.blogspot.com/2002...ds_archive.html ] The two entries are stories.
The first being a tale of a man named Brett who goes to use his toilet and finds 2 penguins in his toilet. he is perplexed. He leaves the room. He returns to find that the penguins are gone. But then, out of the corner of his eye, and I quote "...spotted the same penguins in the shower. Again they froze, stared and looking quite annoyed." That's my first lead. What does this tell me? Well, first...these penguins are actually penguins, or are they? Is "penguins" a code word for something or someone? Like the word "trailblazer" is the Secret Service code name for George W. Bush. I just don't know. But I do know that these "penguins" are getting angry.
The second story seems to be a transcribed Instant-Message RPG-type conversation. Details from this transmission include: "Acme Brand De-Penguinfying Plungers: Say 'goodbye', messy penguins!", and "You use the plunger on the penguin. It squawks angrily as you lift it from the toilet and then lands with a soft thlop on the cold tile floor. It waddles out the door. Congratulations! You've won the game!" The message ends with: "It's not much, I know, but it's about what you'd expect from a game called Toilet Penguins, am I right?" You couldn't be righter! This story leaves me with not much to go on...the only point that rings true betwixt the two stories is the fact that these penguins are getting angry and annoyed. Which can't be good.
That's all the info from the "600 Seconds" front. Lets examine our third google hit. Sadly, its an adobe acrobat document [ http://www.clubs.psu.edu/up/python/...Albatross_9.pdf ] that transcribes, word for word, the Toilet Penguins RPG Game from 600 Seconds. A dead end. Or is it? Whenever a penguin closes a door, one opens a window?
The penguins are in the toilets. The penguins are in the toilets. Los pingüinos están en el wáter.
A Yahoo search yields the same results.
I ask myself the 6 "need-to-knows."
Who: The penguins. [anywhere from 2 penguins to an infinite amount]
What: You see, the penguins are in the toilets.
Where: In the toilets. [phrase implies all toilets?]
When: Presently.
Why: I wish I knew. Is the water and porcelain comfortable. What's wrong with the Poles? Global warming issues.
How: I just don't know.
As the minutes and paragraphs go by, I'm left with more and more questions, and no answers. I remember a saying..."a picture tells a thousand words". I need some pictures. Maybe therein lies my answer.
Google Image search:
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/r.robinson7/pics/Secombe_7.jpg
Image searches using phrases "penguins" and "toilets" yields this above photo.
Who is this mystery man? What year is this photo from? This "toilet" seems to be some large man-made system. Yet another layer is added to this riddle. The caption reads: "Harry socializing with some Portmead penguins in the Penlan Social Club toilets".
Yahtzee! I struck gold. Who is this Harry and how do I contact him? Further research points me to the man.
"Sir Harry Secombe (1921-2001) - Known and loved around the world as Neddie Seagoon, Sir Harry Secombe must take the credit or the blame for defining comedy for a generation. He and his Goon Show mates Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, and Michael Bentine made radio comedy not merely an art form but a language, a culture... a religion!"
He's dead. Dammit. I had my chance 3 years ago. Where to now? Penlan Social Club.
"Penlan Social Club is a very popular meeting place and is located on Heol Gwyrosydd in Penlan." And British call the animal pools there "toilets". BINGO!
I've done it. I've solved the riddle. Fear not oh people of the earth. Fear not an outbreak of penguins in thine shitters. For I have solved the riddle.
http://home.att.net/~penguin-gifts/penguintoiletbrushholdercloseup.jpg
A Penguin toilet brush? Another lead...or a dead end? I don't even want to go there.
Oh Journal, Los pingüinos están en el wáter.
Will
User Reviews
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-10-23 15:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like to see a science fiction movie.
12-year-old AOL
I WUD LIEK 2 SE A SCEINCA FICTION MOVEI
!1!!!1!1 LOL
Spanish:
Quiero ver una película ciencia ficción.
gamer:
1 WOULD LIkE +0 533 4 $C1enC3 PhICT1On MOV13.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-10-23 15:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ummmmmm?
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-10-23 15:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about puffins?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-10-23 15:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel a heck of a lot safer now. You should watch out though Will, I hear the penguins don't like snoops like you writing about them.
Submitted by daidoji (user info) at 2003-10-23 14:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't get it.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2003-10-23 14:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good journalism knows no length...knows no bounds. We search for one thing and one thing only...the truth....no matter how long winded and lame that answer might be.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-10-23 14:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmm....
a bit long eh?
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2003-10-23 14:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please ignore the first sentence which reads "Being that my above plea for suggestions for journal topics received such a, well, vacant response [except sugar-snit who said keep up the good work], "
That was a mistake and I forgot to edit it out. I wish there was a way to edit after a post goes up...is there?
A +2 regardless for fine journalism.