A letter. (785 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.54 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EbolaMay (View user info) at 2007-03-29 12:14:30 EDT
Dear Caroline,
I was racing home from school today because I felt an uncontrollable urge to get here as soon as possible and bone you. I was going to do it as honestly as I ever do, but treat it differently, as if the boning was not a simple statement, but the announcement of a discovery, as if the romance between us invented the concept altogether, previously unrealized, or had at least perfected it.
Ah, yes. A perfect boning.
I wanted to bone you with all the emotion and gravity as if that boning was to bring about the end of all human sadness.
It's not going to end all human sadness, but hey, it's a perfect boning. Who cares if people are sad?
I wanted to tell you of my plans for us to bone, bone some more, eat fish tacos, watch Conan O'brian, bone some more, watch Office Space, live a suitably long time, and then die at the same exact moment. While boning.
I really wanted to say you made all the most beautiful bone sessions seem so insincere because none of them are about you. That the most intelligible sigh of pleasure when we're together is more beautiful than all the works of everybody else's boning. I wanted to say that I'm going to become a poet, only so I can write poems about boning you, so that a hundred years from now students in English classes would have to know the fever of my boning you if they wanted to get through eleventh grade. And know how to bone.
I was going to tell you how you make life worth living and death worth fearing, and the time not spent worrying about either perfectly serene.
But then I thought, what complete bullshit. I just wanna bone ya.
I felt like telling you that you're the reason for my happiness, the source of my sadness, the root of my desires, and the theme through all my emotions. But nope. That's just my brain trying to outalk my dick. But rest assured, I'm typing with my dick here, and not my brain.
When I'm sad, I'm happy to know that I have you to bone. When I'm happy, I'm sad that you're not there to bone me. When you're there to bone, with me, I'm euphoric. Any boning with you by me is a joy, and any boning without you is torture.
Well. Maybe not torture. I mean, I'm a guy. There's really no such thing as a torturous boning. Unless, *snort,* it was a GHEY boning. Of course.
I needed to say that I'd sacrifice anything for you. Unless you quit boning me. In which case, we're history.
They were just a few things I thought needed to be said.
Love,
Ebola
User Reviews
Submitted by Astra (user info) at 2008-05-18 15:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"My life is the ruindz!!"
Submitted by maf54 (user info) at 2008-05-13 09:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Loser@life
Submitted by diavola (user info) at 2007-03-29 23:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lucky lady.
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2007-03-29 20:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!WATER! !WATER! !WATER!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-29 18:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cracked me up.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-29 17:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THATS THE SWEETEST THING IVE EVER READ
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-29 16:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-29 14:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right 'fucking' on.
THIS is comedy.
Well done.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-29 14:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent pic
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-29 14:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your left hand is a lucky hand.
=========================================
?
Uhhhhhh
?
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
stfu george :P
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BLASPHEMING WHORE BELOW
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i might be one of the few people that thinks office space did not kick ass. people act like that movie was the fucking holy grail.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats some funny shit right there.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry to hear that old pal. What happened to Mrs. Shlongy?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your left hand is a lucky hand.
I tried going lefty the last 5 weeks since I fractured my right shoulder in two places but I don't "feel the love" as much from that fucking hand.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a leftie, Shlongy.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed at this. "Bone you" is an expression that is underated.
On the other hand, the thought of you boning anything besides your right fist is pretty funny, too.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-03-29 13:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah yes, the ever elusive, perfect bone. Good luck with that.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats some funny shit right there.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats some funny shit right there.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man-Law.
Don't fuck girls with vag holes above their hip bone.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell is going on in that picture? Is he fucking her belly button?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck
literally
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-29 12:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gay, balls are touching
EACH OTHER