Ubersite
Home - About Us - Contact
"Work is the scourge of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde
Welcome to Ubersite!
Search Ubersite
Search for:

Most Recently Reviewed
  1. Thinking of praying.. What...
  2. You ALMOST lived your whol...
  3. Footage Of Sarah Palin Mak...
  4. Oddest Book Titles
  5. Drug induced musings and a...
  6. seen on Uber on google chr...
  7. The Babes of Code Pink!
  8. BREAKING NEWS!!! Sarah Pal...
  9. Testing If Flash Videos Work
  10. One Final Word About The D...
more...
Most Heated
  1. Todd Palin is the Zodiac K... (90 heat)
  2. HATEMADNESS: ROUND 1....Ge... (75 heat)
  3. Ubersite Sickens Me (45 heat)
  4. Sexy. Obama vs McCain '08 (31 heat)
  5. SPT - Five Questions for K... (31 heat)
  6. Berty posts a Hatemadness ... (31 heat)
  7. Michelle and Barack at Home (29 heat)
  8. What about 'I can destroy ... (29 heat)
  9. Shlongy <insert verb>'s th... (26 heat)
  10. Hatemadness: Apollo88 (26 heat)
more...
Most Viewed Messages
  1. The Ultimate MS Paint: It... (1135681 hits)
  2. "If I cum now, will it be ... (691134 hits)
  3. Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Ne... (383733 hits)
  4. How To Pick Up Chicks (322832 hits)
  5. Motivating the Weekend (298928 hits)
  6. Knockoff porn movie titles (296987 hits)
  7. My J-Date Misadventure (284306 hits)
  8. Licking A Bum's Ass (246768 hits)
  9. Badass Australian Cows (245268 hits)
  10. Totally Useless Facts (228940 hits)
more...
Most Viewed Authors
  1. Bart Cilfone (1441820 hits)
  2. Stanley Moore (1427733 hits)
  3. JMG114 (1367555 hits)
  4. Razor (1342410 hits)
  5. MickGinny (1273574 hits)
  6. loki (1051818 hits)
  7. Jonukah (960775 hits)
  8. weeeeep (914253 hits)
  9. Kaos-King (872847 hits)
  10. Ubersite needs me! (865013 hits)
  11. Asian Men Love Me (864234 hits)
  12. RACIST!!! (861790 hits)
  13. Tom (825396 hits)
  14. Sideburns, MUHFUCKA (794305 hits)
  15. apollo88 (750860 hits)
  16. oy vey (747146 hits)
  17. Sorrell (735922 hits)
  18. T+I+G+E+R L+I+L+L+Y (735523 hits)
  19. Satan is my Motor (682563 hits)
  20. HIDDEN101 (675072 hits)
  21. RON PAUL 2008! (674106 hits)
  22. Sock Penis™ (665332 hits)
  23. Phil Phone (628913 hits)
  24. Stabkill (626197 hits)
  25. T to the ToM (614859 hits)
  26. iddqd (609637 hits)
  27. kaos-king (596638 hits)
  28. &#9829; (574901 hits)
  29. O (571658 hits)
  30. comicbookguy (568747 hits)
Click here to return to the list of messages.

It's Your Baby (774 hits)

Category: None

Rating: 1.68 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by Technoboy (View user info) at 2007-03-30 09:23:19 EDT


I'm sure that there are hundreds, thousands, fuck it, probably millions of men who would love to never hear those words. When I heard them, I loved it.
Rachael and me had been together for six years when we found out. We arranged a quick wedding, figuring it was then or never, and settled down to live out the rest of our lives in sheer bliss.

I'm not usually one to quote poetry, but somebody once wrote: "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise". Luckily most people will never have to experience the pure strength of gravity that these words carry. Most people never have to know, or do, a lot of things

Nicola was born, and Rachael died two years later in a hit and run. The death of your wife, your child's mother is always hard, or so I'm told. I just shut down. I stopped going out, stopped working, and stopped living. If it wasn't for her family I don't know how I would have got through that time They helped raise Nicola, her Grandma Alice, her Granddad Jack, and especially her Uncle John. John seemed as if he was sent by God, helping out with things more than I imagined possible over the next few years. He picked her up from school when I had to work and took her to the park. He took her swimming. He even took her on holiday.

It's a tidy place he's got here. All the guy does is sit playing with computers all day, it's a pure wonder he can afford all this. Leather furniture, oak floor, antique oddities all over the shop. This must have cost a fortune.
"You want a drink?" asks John, walking into the kitchen.
"Just a whisky please mate" I reply, my mouth as dry as a bucket of sand.
He walks back out of the kitchen.
"I've none left. I'll just nip down the shops and get a bottle" he says as he walks out of the front door. I hear his car starting and I relax in the thick sofa.
And then I see the picture.
It's more of a vision. Rachael, holding Nicola in her arms, the love and beauty radiating from them so strongly that I can feel it. I pick it up and hold it, mesmerised. I need to hold it nearer. I flip the frame over and release the clips, removing the back. A piece of paper falls into my lap.



THE DEPARTMENT OF DNA TESTING

This letter is to inform you that the requested testing,
regarding the paternity of Nicola Thornton has returned positive.
John Carlton is the father of Nicola Thornton.


Fuck.

...Fuck.

I turn the paper over and see Rachael's beautiful handwriting, twisted into ways that I never thought could hurt me.



It's your baby
Rachael xxx


Cold sweat runs from my brow and my hands shake so violently that I struggle to replace the picture in the frame. I put it back exactly where I found it, grab my coat and walk to my car. As I'm driving home, I light a cigarette and think. Nicola is John's niece. Nicola is Johns daughter. Daughter, niece, child, Rachael's daughter and niece. I pull over to the side of the road and throw up all over the pavement. This is sick. I need to go home.

I collapse on my bed unable to do anything else. The red mist round the edges of my vision makes it hard to concentrate, but I know there's only one thing I can do. There's still plenty of time, Nicola's not back from her grandparents for another hour. I slide the cigar box from the top of my wardrobe and put the contents in my pocket. The mist is making it hard to see, but I still make it to my car. Driving back to John's is a nightmare in more ways that I could ever have imagined. Nearly crash a few times, but I make it back to his flat in no time. The door isn't locked.

"Neil, where did you go?" asks John, looking at me over the top of his newspaper. I walk towards him slowly and take the gun from my pocket.
"What the fuck is that? Is that a gun? Neil, put it down"
I can hear the fear in his voice, see it in his f [do it] ace. Everything is covered in the red mist, everything except John and the gun. I pull back the hammer.
"Neil, what is this? What are you doing? What have I done?"
He stands up an I mo [do it do it] tion for him to sit back down.
"Is this about Nicola?" his voice trembles.
"Don't say her name" a voice growls. Was that me? Must ha [DO IT] ve been.
"I can explain"

[DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT] [DO IT]

I pull the trigger and the red blood spewing from his head merges with the red background, and his red body becomes invisible on the red floor.

Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.


igbliss.jpg (43 kB)

Submit to Digg Submit to StumbleUpon

User Reviews


Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-31 15:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I just went through the giantest mindfuck of all time. +2 for everybody on the front page whose name i recognize.

I recognize your name, but it might be because I saw it yesterday. I dont recall a single thing about you. You profit either way.

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-31 10:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

If my cock fit up my own ass, Einstein, I'd never leave the house.

Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-03-31 07:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Liked it

Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-31 06:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-30 18:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

How does an "F" fit your schedule.
----------------------------------------------

Rachel and me? You suck.

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-03-31 04:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

haha rachael and me

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-03-31 04:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I hated your protagonist.

Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-30 18:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

good show.

Submitted by Technoboy (user info) at 2007-03-30 18:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

In much the same way as your cock fits up your arse.

Quite nicely.

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-30 18:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

A +1.96 and your second paragraph starts with the classic "Rachael and me had been together"...

How does an "F" fit your schedule.





Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-30 17:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

The Making of an Orphan

or

How She Grew Up to Become a Rockstar

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-30 16:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2



Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-30 15:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

great, now she's an orphan - good job, asshole

Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-03-30 13:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This was good. Could have done without the cartoon, though. Diluted the whole thing.

Submitted by Missmouse (user info) at 2007-03-30 13:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

A great read.

Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-03-30 12:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Excellent.

Certainly didn't see that coming.

More please.

Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-30 11:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy shit!

Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-03-30 11:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-03-30 11:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Reminds me of a Harlan Coben story. Great read.

Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

holey fuck!

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy crow mate...

Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Good call

Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I liked it.

Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Not too keen on the end, but still worth a +2.

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Shit, sorry.

Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Invest in a coat hanger and vacuum.

Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This post makes me think that maybe I should stop getting all of my brothers' girlfriends pregnant.

Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

really good

Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-30 10:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Well that was a beautifully put kick in the teeth

Submitted by needsnothing (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Good story.

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wow. What a post to mix in with all the funny gifs. It's like reading in bi-polar.

Submitted by mrs.brenkus06 (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That was very good. But what a horrible way to find out that it wasn't his kid.ouch.

Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Really good.

Submitted by Technoboy (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Thanks

Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Damn

that was good.

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I know if i read this it will make me sad, so I wont read it buit have a plus 2 for nearly making me cry.


Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2% and it's all because of my
motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more
donuts to come.

-- Homer Simpson
You Only Move Twice