Cook Me Some Fucking Eggs Bitch!......(Adventures of an Aspiring Flatmate Part 4 (1180 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.93 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I_can_get_you_a_toe (View user info) at 2007-04-01 03:49:20 EDT
Musician: 'Hey go get me a glass of coke'
Me: 'Why?'
Musician: 'Cos u fucked my friend'!!
Me: *walks meekly to the kitchen and pores some coke*
And so it started, two people had moved into my growing household - completely without my knowledge, I guess I was under the mistaken knowledge that if I paid rent I might get a say (I don't). Well my introduction to the new additions went something like this;
Me: *Walks into the house, cursing the world, stops short at seeing a random guy sitting on her couch *
Me: 'Who the hell are you?'
Random Guy: 'I live here, who the hell are you?
Me: '????????'
Not soon after random guy (who will now be refered to as 'random stoner guy') moved in, a girl who was a friend of a friends, uncles cousin's niece, who was the girlfriend of the drummer of The Musicians band, moved in (I'll just refer to her as psycho bitch)
I barely had time to adjust to them -these two new people - I was just getting used to the awesoem foursome, we drank huge quantities of alcohol together, I compulsively left my dirty dishes out for them to clean, there was even an unfortuante incident when a bee got into the shower and I ran out naked into the sunroom - where everyone was enjoying a cigarette - needless to say, they had seen ALLL of me. We could'nt be any closer.
Plus the house now had six inhabitants, people from all different backgrounds, and well, i've always personally felt that you can never be truly comfortable in front of someone until you can wel...uh...Guff in front of them. But i'm a trooper.
and well when it came down to it, I felt put out, I paid rent for my little box so wouldn't it count towards something - buuuut I found out that, it doesnt. The only way I could combat this inadequacy was to drink...
So began Mexican Night.
Each of us bought one bottle of tequila and one box of corona each and invited every person we knew.
There were sombreros, pink puke, noise control, people getting carried to their bedrooms and people passing out on thier allocated floor space, getting denied from the alcohol store and drunken sex.
All the makings of a good party
And as to the new additions, random stoner guy - well was always stoned and ready to hook you up. and psycho bitch was psycho only in the way 16 year rich rebellious girls can be.
But as always the case, you live with alot of people - the house gets nasty - it got to the point where it would take nearly half an hour to get from the lounge to the bathroom, after braving a gauntlet of empty beer bottles, old pizza boxes and dvd cases. Never once did it occur to us that maybe we should just clean up.
So what I'm trying to say is, if you want to live with a big group of people - get drunk. dirty house 'who cares', unfortunate naked viewings 'who cares' spray paint your name on the wall ' who cares' ,just don't sleep with your landlords friend.
My cheese is still getting stolen
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-04 15:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thought i'd read /rated all these.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-04 15:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure it's a vagina sico.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-05 19:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you own a penis or a vagina?
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-11-05 19:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/F93C150C-1446-492B-93B8-D930C6EE8412.htm
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RETALITORY -2 WOOOO!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-04-04 15:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh...i have nothing to base those following comments on but you are obviously vain and full of yourself
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-04-03 04:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
paul_anthony is a retaliatory -2 bombing faggot
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-03 01:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Perfect 1.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-04-02 19:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i miss the days of living in a shithole with a group of vagrants, getting drunk every day, hooking up, sleeping on the floor, sleeping on a broken futon if you're lucky, and getting drunk some more. i'll never forget the time i walked out of my bedroom one morning, hungover after a wild party, and seeing a homeless looking person loading the dishwasher. upon asking him who the fuck he was and why the fuck he was in my house he said "i'm Stiggy. i live here. hey man, you got any coke?" my roommates had decided to make him an honorary roommate while drunk off their asses without telling me. and so it began... two more homeless drifters moved in in the next couple months. our brand new, super nice 5 bedroom house (with pool) had turned into what looked like a crack house and the pool turned green and resembled a swamp of sorts. i guess it wasn't as bad as the last house we had, which actually WAS a crack house...
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-04-02 18:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-02 18:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at the title.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-04-02 18:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-02 16:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'worth reading (+0)'
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-04-02 15:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not an alter. Believe what you will.
I've not posted because I don't write.
But I do enjoy reading.
And giving my opinion.
Shouldn't you be busy giving out coordinates or some such?
I'm just sayin'.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-02 11:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-04-02 09:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-02 08:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why would you want to live on your own? unless you're a sad sack divorcee, coming home to your cat every night - where the highlight of your tuesday night is cooking a meal and spending quality time with your television.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-04-02 08:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PORE me some Coke?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-04-02 07:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would hope that your experiences motivate you to a) realize that living with anyone you're not at least occasionally having sex with is pointless, b) get a decent job so you can save some money and move out on your own to discover the joys of independance and social-interaction-by-choice, and c) there is no third thing that I hope your experiences motivate you to do.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-02 07:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-02 07:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stopped reading this series, have a +2 for that
--
well, fuck you asshole,i'm gona camp out shlongy styles
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-02 07:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-04-02 02:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You spell like dead people fuck
or something
---
now waht the fcuk mdew you thenk thtr?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-02 07:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stopped reading this series, have a +2 for that.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-02 05:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-04-02 02:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You spell like dead people fuck
or something
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-01 13:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2007-04-01 12:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
poison the cheese.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2007-04-01 12:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
trite
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-01 12:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, yes. You quoted "Once were warriors". That's why this post tasted like New Zealand.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-04-01 11:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-01 10:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-04-01 07:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
-----------------
Everything you ever wanted to know about Void_Where_Prohibited
User id: 28416
Registered on or around: 2006-08-29 08:12:44 EDT
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 109
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 0
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Average rating of all messages: 0
...now who's alter is this?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-01 08:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Nice spelling.
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-04-01 07:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-01 07:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-04-01 06:40:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I have hated all bar three flat mates I have ever had.
Plus I have learnt something very profound today. "Roomie" = Room mate. This means you flat share with them, NOT that you share a room with them.
I have been thinking people must be having it really tough over there if they can't afford thier own rooms to sleep in.......
Yes...I'm that stupid.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-01 05:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet if you started cleaning and fixing stuff around the house it would scare the shit out of your roomies.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-01 05:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
drunken hippy below
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-01 05:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to sleep now. When I wake up, I expect some fucking eggs.
g'night
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-01 04:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by NotVoltron (user info) at 2007-04-01 04:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* or potatoes or whatever vegetable can be reasonably bagged. my food groups are alcohol, football, and underage ecstasy addicts.
Submitted by NotVoltron (user info) at 2007-04-01 04:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the best is a one bedroom flat with three other degenerates. the shopping cart in the kitchen was a source of solace, and ease of retrieving drinks. :push to fridge: :grab bottles: :dispense accordingly: :sleep like a bag of tomatoes:
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-01 04:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah...I know...I had the same thing in Missouri.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-01 04:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
New Zealand houses don't have showers - we got this new-fangled bucket pulley system - we're very excited about it. and *fingers crossed* by the end of the month we will have enough wood sticks together to send smoke signals to our neighbours.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-01 03:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I might love you.
Do houses in New Zealand really have showers in them?
I lived with a bunch of tweakers once. Everything got stolen. I had plans to kill them all and burn the house down, but it never happened. Probably a good thing.