Zeus is Quite Mighty (Part 1...?) (300 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rawrg (View user info) at 2007-04-05 05:04:23 EDT
...scratch that last thought I just had. Problems are subjective, I suppose. I mean, imagine being a citizen of a war torn country whose family and friends were recently gassed to death by marauding warlords and weigh that versus the insecurities of some schmuck who feels unfilled by drowning in the creature comforts of a life that's so simple that actually finding a meaningful choice to make is a daunting task at times.
I mean, I had this dream the other night where this guy walks up to me on the street. "Now don't let my appearance fool you." This concerns me already as he's wearing a pear of grease covered overalls and he's polishing an oil filter for an '87 Nova. "I'm Zeus, the almighty creator of everything and today I'm going to lay a choice on you brother." How I had not noticed the great golden beard eminating rays of heavenly light before?
"Why are you polishing an oil filter? You know, you're really not supposed to reuse those things."
"It's just for effect." He replied as he promptly produced a salt shaker, lightly seasoned it and began to consume it with his mighty jaws.
"Did I win a prize or something? If so, please don't send it certified mail, I'm never home when the postman gets there."
"I wouldn't waste money on the postage, you'd have to come pick it up. Anyways, I'm getting off track here. I'm going to remove one of your legs with a soil-pipe cutter, or I'm going to kill your 80 year old grandmother with a runaway UPS truck. Your call."
"Why would you do either?"
"Nothing good is on cable right now. Frankly, I can't believe I'd actually have to pay for that crap if I were mortal."
"Zeus, I don't feel like this is a fun choice, so I'm going to stop believing in you now."
Then he vanishes. Weird huh? Still, he sounded like a nice enough guy outside of the whole human suffering for entertainment thing. Also, I've always felt the same way about cable television. It feels mighty fulfilling having something in common with a God, even if Hitler might feel a bit uncomfortable with some of the things he says. Either way, in my future dreams, if I ever needed his advice on something, I'd just start believing in him and then he'd appear before me. We'd chat for a bit, then he'd talk about using some obscure object like that thing that bartenders use to get the rind off of a lemon to skin someone with a really bad sunburn alive. Then I'd have to say a Hail Mary or two to make him go away.
In a way, it was kind of cool. I mean, I was very self aware of my dreams. Having Zeus as your personal quasi-genie made me feel pretty important, but in the end, when I wake up, I'm still the same asshole with the same outlook on life. Whenever I feel bad about passing up exercise for masturbation and learning for the mind numbing stimuli of our times, I can't help but wish I was living in some Isaac Asimov story and pretty soon somebody would just bust out with a revolutionary movement and we'd all feel good again.
I guess the curse of today's society is that while everything is so great, no one really feels anything. And if some mouthpiece is running on about how "important" something is, guys like me are staring at the bar behind him, thinking about how bottles are made so efficiently, and how truly high quality bottles wouldn't have that seem down each side because they'd be hand blown by craftsmen from some Nordic country or something like that. When the guy is finally done yapping, I'll just nod my head and throw in some comment like, "Yeah, that's the way it goes," trying my damndest not be the least bit provocative so he'll feel like a rambling asshole if he keeps talking.
In the case of a rambling asshole, I wonder what a miniature hand-crafted bottle would look like lodged in his windpipe and how Zeus might go about removing that. Later that night when I go to sleep, I ask him. The answer usually makes me laugh, Zeus wants to demonstrate how on me or my grandmother and I have to condemn him to the Barrens of my mind again. Then I wake up, like I do everyday, alone in all of my securities that have become my insecurities. Normally everyday is the same, only today, I wasn't asleep when I talked to Zeus. That's why I came to see you, Zeus made me come here today.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-05 17:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What I dig the most about Zeus is that he was always turning himself into a stableboy, or a centaur, and then fucking some random wench - I admire how he rolls
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-04-05 16:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-04-05 12:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with that.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-05 11:46:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-04-05 10:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zeus rocks.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-05 09:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-05 08:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good, not great. I stopped reading a little more than halfway through because I lost interest. Have a +2 for my own misery.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-05 06:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe I just laughed out loud at this. thanks you. I think the ' then he dissapeared; weird Huh?' did it for me .
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-05 05:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Zeus right in his juicy mouth.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-05 05:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Indeed.