SUPA: Make Sure You Go Before Work (1081 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.5 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vitamin D(rake) (View user info) at 2007-04-05 14:59:54 EDT
If there ever was a time to go,
the time is now, of this I know.
I can feel it creeping
It's getting harder to fight.
Getting closer than ever
to seeing the light.
My will is breaking.
There's not much of a chance,
of avoiding this monster
from staining my pants.
I rush and scurry and hurry and fret,
but it seems that I'll be soon to regret
the third guacamole, and chili bean dip
that I just had to have with that tequila I sipped.
I wont make it to the bathroom
oh what can I do?
Then I think to myself
"I know what to do"
Oh no, it is coming, I say with a scowl.
'Cause I know what's about to come from my bowel.
I undo my belt and prepare to evac
this horrible thing I have birthed from my crack.
But now it is over I can say with a grin.
My boss won't be happy when he opens his biscuit tin.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-17 09:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was tight and compact, almost as if it was attempting to resemble the narrator's trapped log. I'd have liked to see more beastly descriptions of the coming horror rather than find myself centered in the speaker's indecision. You speak of a monster. Show us how it growls. And claws. And smells of warm dumpster water and old sulfur.
I would, however, love to read a brief sequel called "The Boss's Lament For His Biscuit Tin."
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-12 04:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Drogo. I'm getting there, I just need a few more votes! Tell your friends!
--
I see a slight flaw in your otherwise great plan. Hmm Friends; I think I have one around here somewhere. I'll get back to you on that one chap.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-11 18:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Comments below had affected me as well, 'cause everyone is having fun with this post.
I did too, so I feel kinda bad about the 0 rating.
Sorry?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How does this piece of shit have a higher rating than MY piece of shit?
Oh yeah, that's right...I forgot.
No one likes Shlongy.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Drogo. I'm getting there, I just need a few more votes! Tell your friends!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh heh heh
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-11 05:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about now?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-11 05:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you win yet mate?
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-04-10 20:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 17:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I said it before, I am not a strong poet, however, think about how great an upset victory would be. I'm up against Orgasmo in the first round....I'm not above pity.
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I'm not above completely changing my mind
Submitted by UberSavedMyLife (user info) at 2007-04-10 19:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
many laughs were had by this
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-04-10 16:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHHAHAH
ew.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
None taken, gofer. It's all in good fun anyway. If o-man gave an ounce of effort on this I'd be blown away. So I'm campaigning for +2's. I'm such a whore.
I'm all about the underdog (me) in this match. I think an upset victory would be funny. If not fun.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will giggle if you beat O-man with this. No offense meant to either of you
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take it home, The Drake.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's fine by me, shlong...
"the enemy of my enemy..." and such
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read this.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I enjoyed this but it was terribly written.
____________
Indeed.
However, I'm highly susceptible to guilt, as my children and husband have discovered. You guilted this +2 out of me, and now I feel dirty.
:(
=========
You're not the first to say so. Thanks anyway. : )
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I enjoyed this but it was terribly written.
____________
Indeed.
However, I'm highly susceptible to guilt, as my children and husband have discovered. You guilted this +2 out of me, and now I feel dirty.
:(
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-08 16:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I undo my belt and prepare to evac
this horrible thing I have birthed from my crack.
--------------
+2 because I connected with this, probably more than I should have done.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-06 22:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got done reading your "five happy things" drogo. Can you tell me 5 happy things to lift my spirits as soon as I lose this round?
There's a hearty helping of +2's in it for you...and a christmas ham. Go you!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-06 22:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so glad I started the 'I love Drake' fan club. You rule my duck like friend.
*Polishes 'The Drake Rules' badge*
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-06 15:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I pledge to write something worthwhile, should I win the round.
This one I didn't take seriously cause I was Up against O-man.
Put me in the second round then prepare to have your eyes fucked by my poetry.
It will even call you the following day.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-06 15:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Jimmy. Tell your friends....or enemies, as long as they aren't MY enemies.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-04-06 15:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-04-06 15:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was decent. Made me chuckle once or twice.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-06 15:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll takes what I can gets
Submitted by ThatsGodToYouBitches (user info) at 2007-04-06 14:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was okay, but I'll give you a +2 out of pity for having to go up against the O-man in the first round. Good luck
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As captain said - neatly written
======
Way to go, Merlina. Let's keep this train going.
Oh and thanks.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As captain said - neatly written
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shitting it to the man.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-06 02:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 18:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Mark my words, bubba, this will come out the winner.
I pledge to make some kind of fucking poetic cumstain on the face of the worlds mom if I win this round.
Help me win! recruit your friends...sign up an alter....
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-05 18:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It really did make me smile. I won't comment on rhyme, rhythm, or meter.
Or maybe I just did...
:)
:D
:P
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 17:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I said it before, I am not a strong poet, however, think about how great an upset victory would be. I'm up against Orgasmo in the first round....I'm not above pity.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-04-05 17:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was funny, but I think different word choices would have helped fit a consistent meter. Do we care about that kind of thing? It was funny, but in terms of poetic mechanics it was poor. These are hard to rate.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-05 17:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha!
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-04-05 17:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I laughed.
More than worth reading.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can do better, but still highly amusing and aside from a few syllabic burps it was written neatly.
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Yeah, I think it should have been longer, but looking at everyone elses it seems about the right length, I guess. Poetry is so not my forté.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can do better, but still highly amusing and aside from a few syllabic burps it was written neatly.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well made point, sir.
I figure that much excitement is a person...and he's bound to let loose. Better to keep his emotions to himself and not stain any upholstery
Submitted by Alcoholocaust (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad, not bad.
my only suggestion would have been to add an exclamation for effect to this line:
"I know what to do!"
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So did I. I figured the crap reference would be at least 1 +2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was funny.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
woooo thanks proof
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, you'll be needing this.
Good luck.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I'm up against O-man So I didn't hold up much hope anyway.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-05 15:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I enjoyed this but it was terribly written.
Sorry.
This would, however, win in the:
Second
Uber
Crapoetry
Kontest