Technological Advances Whose Times Have Come (49408 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.13 on 81 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Razor <Jeremy_21117.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-07-11 20:31:07 EDT
We've all heard that inventors can get rich by "building a better lightbulb."
Fuck that. Lightbulbs are cheap, and I can pick 'em up in the grocery store. Takes about twenty seconds.
What inventors should really be focusing on are the things that piss us off in our everyday lives. In order to get them started, I've come up with a helpful list of inventions that just about everyone would like to see.
#1 Electroshock feedback devices on telephones.
All phones should come standard with these puppies. For 25 cents, you should be able to dial *187 and send an electrical shock right through the phone to zap the person on the other end. Think about what this would do to the telemarketing industry! Call me during dinner will you? It would have countless other applications too... ex significant others who won't take the hint, people calling for charitable contributions. You know those automated systems that have the nerve to call you up and then ask you to hold until a telemarketer can get to you? *187 bitch! Fry their whole goddamn computer system...
Of course, there would be the potential for abuse. Zapping people unneccessarily would have to be punishable by law, but "he really deserved it" would be a legitimate legal defense.
#2 DNA full body reconstruction like in "The Fifth Element"
OK so I suppose it would have some candy-ass uses like bringing folks back to life who have died in some tragic manner... but we're neglecting the true benefit of this kind of technology.
Murder would only be an inconvenience.
"Oh, you think it's ok to drive 57 in the fast lane during rush hour because you're 'over the speed limit'? Eat rocket propelled grenade, motherfucker!"
The possibilities are limitless. Paintball would be a thing of the past, we'd be able to do the real thing!
Not only that, but we could keep track of how many times each person has been reconstructed, and after so many goes, tough shit sherlock. If you've been blown up 37 times you probably deserve it.
Sure, we'd do some damage to the economy with missed work time, but think about it... everyone would be buying weaponry at almost half the rate of the average Texas redneck... so many jobs would be created that unemployment would vanish almost overnight!
Of course, someone would have to go around collecting DNA to reconstruct people, but I'll get to that later.
#3 Bodyfat content tests at vending machines.
This would be a major step in taking care of America's obesity problems. I mean, we tax the living shit out of cigarettes and alcohol, and those are fun! Everyone who goes to a vending machine would have to submit to a quick test, and the price would be adjusted based on body fat. Sure, some people would stay really obese, but it would be a step in the right direction. Of course, this invention would be rendered obsolete if they would get to work on...
#4 Excercise machines from the Matrix
Remember when Neo got unplugged? They hooked up all his muscles to some little device on a table and they electroshocked him into buffness. The dude had never even opened his eyes, and within a day he was ready to knock boots with Trinity... not that I'd reccomend that. Can you say "manly"?
I guess this means that I want to be lazy, but what the fuck did we invent technology for anyway? I mean, back in the hunter gatherer days, they say we only worked about 4 hours a day. I say if we can't get ourselves back to that point, we should abandon the whole thing.
#5 Robotic Labor
What the fuck? How long have sci-fi writers been going on about this shit? Get it together already.
Sure, robotic labor may be the pipe dream of the typical lazy American, but I say so fucking what? They could take on all kinds of useful jobs that the average human being just doesn't want to do... like mortican, proctologist, or DNA collector (see Advance #2).
Besides, if robotic labor was taking care of all of our manual labor needs, humanity would be free to do nothing but white collar work... we could focus our time on important things, like making better video games.
#6 That "force baton" from Minority Report
OK this one doesn't have much practical value, but it's fucking cool. Being able to fling people around on a whim would be really awesome. Mix in the technology they use for those "Moon Bounce" things that kids bounce around on at carnivals, put some goals in, and you've got yourself an awesome fucking sport.
#7 Cybernetic eye enhancement
Maybe then we could get some good refereeing in the (*&%#@(* NFL.
User Reviews
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:50:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"We've all heard that inventors can get rich by "building a better lightbulb."
Fuck that. Lightbulbs are cheap, and I can pick 'em up in the grocery store. Takes about twenty seconds."
Ok ok I will only do this once a month:
AHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
...
..
.
AHAHHAAHAHHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
..
.
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
.
I feel lightheaded---and not just from typing out all those H's and A's.
Submitted by MIKE <mehimjewish.at.aol.com> at 2004-09-05 19:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how bout a godamn reverse microwave. make things colder faster? want to freeze a water bottle, thats 1 min.
Submitted by Anonymous at 2004-05-31 06:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"#3 Bodyfat content tests at vending machines."
This concept is absolutely ingenious. Excellent work!
Submitted by Unknown at 2004-04-19 20:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude nice! peeps dont know whats going on now. nice post! lol funny as hell
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
2600 more hits, only 2600 more hits.
Submitted by UberWeiss (user info) at 2004-02-02 06:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nog
UW
Submitted by Doctor_Awesome <passwordfuck> at 2004-01-31 15:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Joe Blow <slitlicker.at.upyours.com> at 2004-01-31 06:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Junior High
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-31 05:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DING DING DING!!
Russ is the big winner of the day!
Submitted by Scientifik (user info) at 2004-01-31 03:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*187 HAHAHAHAHAHA +2 for that alone
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-01-30 23:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am glad this is getting hits. keep gellieman off the top 10.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-01-30 21:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no idea. Aren't you supposed to be at work?
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-01-30 21:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You know....I remember reading this somewhere before.....
I should -2 this because I KNOW I've seen this before....
Oh yeah! I remember It used to be on boredatwork. one of Razor's best posts...
...Oh, wait.....this IS that post....
How did it make it back on the top of the list of bored-at-work....
.....and almost precisely at the time when it would have dropped off the top ten most view messages list..
....narcissism at its worst? elitist? coincidence?
Or is perhaps simply a sincere appreciation of the post andor author by our God, Bart? hmmmmm
In either case, why didn't you just write another outstanding post
You know I wouldn't give you just a hard time if I didn't love you.
Submitted by misskeebler (user info) at 2004-01-30 17:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where can i get these items? Target? Merv's perhaps?
Submitted by bowdown2me <xlorion.at.aol.com> at 2004-01-30 12:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That regeneration chamber from 5th Element would be sweet. Working for the bomb squad would be a lot more fun... NO PENALTIES FOR MAKING MISTAKES. WOOHOO!!!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-26 05:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you've been blown up 37 times you probably deserve it.
Worth a 2 right there. Kudos.
Submitted by dingo (user info) at 2004-01-12 23:05:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny.In an unrelated story, Abe where do you live? I swear if it's Beaufort, SC expect a visit.
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2003-12-29 21:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21705
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-11-13 17:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-09-25 17:33:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
22222 hits at 22.22 (Greenwich mean-time). Well, on my PC clock. How odd.
AND razor is the number 2 ranked author on the most viewed list. cue eerie music.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-07 17:49:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-09-25 17:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
22222 hits at 22.22 (Greenwich mean-time). Well, on my PC clock. How odd.
Submitted by j <ashdg.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-09-25 17:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
beautiful piece of work. anything that can make me do less then i already do-like a machine that slacks off for me-im all about it!
Submitted by dbcooper (user info) at 2003-09-09 10:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad
Submitted by Harry (user info) at 2003-09-09 05:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im sure ive read this before. apologies to razor if he owns the website that i read it on.
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-08-13 02:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Light sabres.
Submitted by sendmehatemail (user info) at 2003-08-04 02:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rabbidmonkey (user info) at 2003-07-28 21:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"I guess this means that I want to be lazy, but what the fuck did we invent technology for anyway? I mean, back in the hunter gatherer days, they say we only worked about 4 hours a day. I say if we can't get ourselves back to that point, we should abandon the whole thing. "
Jesus Christ. Beautiful. Im making rock tools already.
Submitted by tomashi <darksky_855349.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-07-22 18:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok.. i made a mistake on my last post... i was commenting to another post**
Submitted by tomashi <darksky_855349.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-07-22 18:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny shiz... but there is a difference between a rocket propelled grenade and a missle
Submitted by Catscradle at 2003-07-20 01:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blujnbbyqn,
I won't be posting much of anything for a while because I have a new job, which explains my absence this past week. I'll be in for an occasional weekend blurb and hopefully be on MSN IM every once in a while.
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2003-07-20 01:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Joey, I understand. I am just another attention craving, validation seeking, needy, greedy soul. The giddy, hopeful anxiety that I get after I post something here is very addicting. The illusion of power; power to preach to the masses, maybe even entertain an audience, goes right to my head. All that showing off I did as a child - all the dance recitals, the plays, the debates, the swim meets, and yes, even the cheerleading - all of it to feed my hunger for praise and attention. As I grow older there are fewer and fewer opportunities to show off, to perform for an adoring audience for the adulation and attention I still crave.
You are capable of writing creative and humorous posts. I know this because I've read them. Don't believe me, believe the hit counters and reviews. You haven't suddenly lost this ability and no, the well has not run dry. But strong-arming your muse and forcing the creative juices could very well have the opposite effect on your writing. Maybe it would be better to wait until you feel inspired to write one good post in which you can be proud rather than write post after post of mediocre, lack-luster drivel. There are plenty of posters like that on Ubersite already! Until then, have fun with the posts that continue to pour in every day. Use your wit and humor to entertain with replies for now. I for one enjoy reading what you write in your reviews.
Before I go, I have to say one last thing. I would be derelict in my duties as a registered smart-aleck if I failed add these parting words. - Get over yourself, dammit! No one really takes any of this seriously! Geez, get a life!
Michelle
Submitted by Catscradle at 2003-07-20 00:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blujnbbyqn,
No matter how good an actor is, he always wants an audience.
I was half joking, the list is well, a list, and most of my Ubersite 'favorite' writers aren't on there at all. Writing for the sake of writing has always been my somewhat hazy goal, but getting credit is something which few of us will turn down.
After all, if any of us truly didn't care what kind of reception we received, we wouldn't post on Ubersite, we would post in a private diary of some form or another.
Honestly, I do like it when my posts get put on boredatwork - I don't explode in a wave of ecstasy but I do like the exposure it gives my posts. Many will deny that, but my guess is that they're full of shit, which might explain all their brainfarts. I'd take an intellectual argument over getting a good rating for one of my posts any day, but intellectual discussion is so hard to come by these days...
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2003-07-19 23:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good post Razor, let me know when any of these gadgets hit the market. I would pay top dollar for a Matrix-style exercise machine.
Joey, I'm no therapist, but maybe you are sweating your creative muse a little too much. She doesn't perform well under pressure. While I'm at it, answer me this: When did a ranking on the most viewed authors list become more important than writing just for the sake of writing? Writing as a means of conveying opinion, sharing experience or just plain venting the spleen. Writing for the personal satisfaction and feelings of ownership and pride. Writing a post for the sole purpose of initiating some sort of dialog among a handfull of other Uber-users.
Sorry, I know this advice wasn't requested but I've never been one to stand on ceremony.
Michelle
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2003-07-19 22:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And it will probably stay that way for quite a while..
Unfortunately.
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2003-07-19 22:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sweet, now we get to see Razor pass Donovan.
I have yet to make my triumphant return.
Submitted by Brillow (user info) at 2003-07-18 19:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It's "build a better mousetrap" not "built a better lightbulb." I mean, they have build better light bulbs..flourescent, halogen, sodium vapor...
idiot.
Submitted by EndMyPain (user info) at 2003-07-18 18:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that would be awesome to blast the useless cellphone chunkfucks with a rocket. maybe dna-altering rockets so they have no arms...
ocular implants with x-ray that only works on beings with high estrogen (chicks) would be useful as long as we had the muscle thing so noone would see any fat naked people.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-07-17 12:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being that Abe isnt around I think its safe to say the gay fucker is dead. Or eat least being used as a latrine in some Marine barracks... But thats just a thought.
I like the ideas... Specially like the RPG one on the highway... God commutes would be so much better!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-17 11:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogmatic, I rated my own post -2 to try and point out how little I cared about him rating it -2.
Submitted by Davey <har.at.har.com> at 2003-07-17 02:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Abe Froman = Sausage King of Chicago !! ...someone needs to rent Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Submitted by HolyTurnip (user info) at 2003-07-16 17:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, "Hope yer kid dies" was kinda funny.
Submitted by Dogmatic (user info) at 2003-07-16 17:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dogmatic (user info) at 2003-07-16 17:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it, laughed, read your retort at Abe, laughed harder.
Sad how a post like this still only has a 0.74 at my time of reading, which is a little slower than most.
Submitted by shaydee <seace888.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-07-16 17:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yo i dont even know this "abe" cat but he seems like a tool...
funny shit yo.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2003-07-15 23:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha trinity is indeed a bit manly
if i were a guy i definitely wouldn't do her
Submitted by variable (user info) at 2003-07-15 14:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good stuff... except for the robots.
robots increasing the unemployment rate blows. maybe if you could create robots that would think up more ways for people to make themselves useful in this fake economy - that might be a useful. comments like these resemble much of the poorly thought out, consumer centered bullshit that is rampantly marginalizing the role of the employee in this country.
fucking robots...
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2003-07-15 14:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A Hidden101 clone
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-07-15 13:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good point. Maybe there's an unofficial boredatwork.com. Like boredatwork.com.cl, straight out of Chile.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-15 11:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How can something be on there unofficially?
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-07-15 08:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is officially on Bored at Work.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-14 13:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't Uber much on the weekends Loki... but I was working this weekend, so I was on Uber.
I know that may sound stupid, but it's not like I was wasting time... we're testing our software for the release, so a lot of times I kick something off and have to wait 5-10 minutes to see how it did... and that's Uber-Time.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-07-14 11:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does Abe keep promising that every single reply or post will be his last and then come back anyway? He's starting to remind me of that ex-boyfriend I had whom I had to break up with a dozen times before he clued in.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-07-14 11:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, Razor this place becomes romper room on the weekends. You should know that by now.
Bart, can you set up uber light or jv uber or something to give these kids something to do so they will be content to sit at the kids uber?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-14 10:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should have written this on Monday morning instead of Friday night.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2003-07-14 06:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I invented the punch to the face. I'd like to show you how I've been advancing that technology.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-07-13 16:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
""#1 Electroshock feedback devices on telephones.
All phones should come standard with these puppies. For 25 cents, you should be able to dial *187 and send an electrical shock right through the phone to zap the person on the other end. Think about what this would do to the telemarketing industry! Call me during dinner will you? It would have countless other applications too... ex significant others who won't take the hint, people calling for charitable contributions. You know those automated systems that have the nerve to call you up and then ask you to hold until a telemarketer can get to you? *187 bitch! Fry their whole goddamn computer system...""
oh god, please please someone invent that!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-13 16:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Silly? A humor post? You don't say...
Submitted by Noonan (user info) at 2003-07-13 11:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This is somewhat silly.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-07-13 11:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My contribution:
#9 Auto driving asshole deterent
Every licensed driver would get so many pings to discharge each month. With those you could ping other drivers that do something stupid or act like assholes. Once you have recieved so many pings from other drivers you would have restrictions placed on your driving. I am sure that this could be accomplished with our technology now, it would just be a matter of figuring out how to manage it.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2003-07-12 20:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Abe smokes serious pole. I'd find the Marine.
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-07-12 20:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2003-07-12 05:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the post
+2 for all you guys planning to get Abe beaten to a bloody pulp
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-07-12 05:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bdah! Accidentally picked the wrong rating on that first one. My bad. Too used to dishing out -2's I suppose.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-07-12 05:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. I'd like to contribute one:
#8 Flying cars
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-07-12 05:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes. I'd like to contribute one:
#8 Flying cars
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-12 02:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i can garauntee you that i can find this guy and let him know about abe's little jaunt with his "fiance." not only that, i will show him Übersite and how abe was flaunting the whole thing (god knows why....) and also threatening to shoot the guy. that will REALLY add fuel to the fire. i think i will pursue this. it's actually worth my time, because i will make an agreement with the guy that he only gets the info if i get pictures of what he does after i tell him the info. then i will post it. i wonder if abe knows exactly how easy it is to find someone, even with such little information? a marine in Japan is PLENTY info to find this guy with these pictures. the military is a small world. most of us know people all over the world, and it's amazing how we network....
=)
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-07-11 23:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, Jeremy is not fat. You, on the other hand, have acne problems. Get your mouth out of your mothers tit you whiny brat.
It's fairly clear to me that the malformed sperm that managed to swim its way up your mother's rotting fallopian tubes only fertilized the egg that it found because the egg was too weak to resist.
Let me see if I can put it another way. I am not working right now because I am raising my daughter through her early months, so I have a lot of free time on my hands.
If you ever say anything about my daughter again, I will make it my mission to find your little skanky friend's fiancee and show him this website. I have friends in the military, and you'd be surprised how angrily they will pursue something like this - after all, many of them have girls at home as well.
I prefer to write short replies, but you've crossed the line by talking about my daughter. Do yourself a favor and don't find out exactly how thorough the wrath of a mother can be.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-07-11 23:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry that was me. and jeremy and i are NOT married.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-11 23:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2003-07-11 22:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number 4 already exists - people who are recovering from paralysis use it all the time to rebuild muscles which have atrophied. They don't make your muscles bigger, but they do make them stronger by forcing them to contract in response to the electroshock.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-07-11 22:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Snipa (user info) at 2003-07-11 22:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The ass kissing thing is just a trend like everything else on this site.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-07-11 22:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was. It used to be at one point I think. It's become a shit hole with certain posters though...
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-11 21:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fabish, thanks for the compliment.
On a side note, I don't understand the recent trend on Ubersite where people say that if you agree with someone or think they wrote a good post, you're suddenly an ass kisser.
Isn't this site about writing interesting posts and offering feedback on them?
Submitted by Goldneyes (user info) at 2003-07-11 21:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dooood, you watch too many moooovies!
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-07-11 21:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Razor,
After reading that I wish you would do that more to people. The statutory rape part was funny, but it's ironic because I mentioned something along the same principles as you did to a friend earlier in the week.
Swift's "A Modest Proposal" is awesome, but you shouldn't recommend a book that may give the reader an opinion; especially a reader like Abe. I tried to make this as if I wasn't kissing your ass, but it's turning into a love letter or something. Point being, your post was good, your responses were golden like an ancient cherub, and I can finally give out a positive rating for once.
Submitted by RetardedCrow (user info) at 2003-07-11 21:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn Abe, you made me mention god, fuck you.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-11 21:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, since you bothered to dissect a humor post not meant to be taken seriously, I felt obligated to dissect your dissection, since you failed so miserably even at that:
"Fuck that. Lightbulbs are cheap, and I can pick 'em up in the grocery store. Takes about twenty seconds." -- Do you own an F-16?
No, shitface, those of us who are all grown up and don't live on fast food or their parent's largesse go to the grocery store fairly regularly, and grabbing a lightbulb off the shelf takes mere moments. You'll learn about it when you get old enough to live on your own.
"#2 DNA full body reconstruction like in 'The Fifth Element' / #6 That 'force baton' from Minority Report" -- Yeah, and maybe we can get R&D working on light sabres and ray guns, too.
I don't even know how to respond to this... I'm trying to find an angle from which you can look at this seriously... only thing I can come up with is "reviewer has the IQ of a small dried out turd."
"rocket propelled grenade" -- Also known as a 'missle.'
Actually, rocket propelled grenades are rocket propelled grenades, not missles. Sorry to burst your bubble.
"Sure, we'd do some damage to the economy with missed work time, but think about it... everyone would be buying weaponry at almost half the rate of the average Texas redneck... so many jobs would be created that unemployment would vanish almost overnight!" -- Yikes.
Yikes indeed.
"#3 Bodyfat content tests at vending machines." -- You'd have an AWFUL lot of quarters and sad faces.
This was funny. If you were this funny all the time and you didn't fuck the girlfriends of people who are off protecting our country, we'd probably get along.
"Besides, if robotic labor was taking care of all of our manual labor needs, humanity would be free to do nothing but white collar work... we could focus our time on important things, like making better video games." -- Glad to see that your wisdom and inginuity reaches as far as Halo and the Power Glove.
Again I guess I've got to point out that this was a humorous article. I only hope you've not read Swift's "A Modest Proposal", because it would give you an awfully bad opinion of the Irish.
"the (*&%#@(* NFL." -- You said fuck earlier. Why not now?
OK, this may be a tough concept for you since you're a stupid kid, but let's go over some literary techniques.
I cursed a lot in order to set a mood for the post, to the point where the cursewords lost a bit of their usual punch. By saying ($*)()*$#, I draw attention to it, and garner the effect of cursing in a post where there weren't any curses.
Don't ever tell me I make useless posts, ever again.
You make useless posts. HA! I did it again!
I'm off to a party. Yeah, you know those things you used to go to before you got married and fat? Haha! No, of course you don't!
Having a kid hasn't really slowed down my lifestyle. See, as you get older, you tend to weed out the ignorant fucks like you, and it's entirely possible to bring a little kid to a party. I know that you think parties are places where people go who can't handle their buzzes, but my friends are capable of getting fairly toasted and still being respectful.
Hope yer' kid dies.
That's no surprise coming from someone with no morals.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-07-11 20:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-11 20:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Isn't it great to have a fan?
Abe, you try so hard to hurt my feelings, and you fail time and time again.
It amuses me that you have made a goal of stalking people who took you to town. You camp out on their posts, offering up your -2s like anyone cares, and generally cluttering up Ubersite with your vacuous utterances.
People would be more fruitfully rewarded by reading a blank page. To see if I can make it any more clear, I'll give my own post a -2.
The saddest part of all is that after all the times I've taken you to town, the best you can do to try and hurt my feelings is intellectually dissect a humor post, as though it was meant to be taken seriously.
If you'd care to debate me, name the time and the place, although it would really be the intellectual equivalent of statuatory rape.
P.S. The party's at my house tonight. Fortunately no bratty 19 year olds are invited.
Submitted by AbeFroman (user info) at 2003-07-11 20:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Fuck that. Lightbulbs are cheap, and I can pick 'em up in the grocery store. Takes about twenty seconds." -- Do you own an F-16?
"#2 DNA full body reconstruction like in 'The Fifth Element' / #6 That 'force baton' from Minority Report" -- Yeah, and maybe we can get R&D working on light sabres and ray guns, too.
"rocket propelled grenade" -- Also known as a 'missle.'
"Sure, we'd do some damage to the economy with missed work time, but think about it... everyone would be buying weaponry at almost half the rate of the average Texas redneck... so many jobs would be created that unemployment would vanish almost overnight!" -- Yikes.
"#3 Bodyfat content tests at vending machines." -- You'd have an AWFUL lot of quarters and sad faces.
"Besides, if robotic labor was taking care of all of our manual labor needs, humanity would be free to do nothing but white collar work... we could focus our time on important things, like making better video games." -- Glad to see that your wisdom and inginuity reaches as far as Halo and the Power Glove.
"the (*&%#@(* NFL." -- You said fuck earlier. Why not now?
Don't ever tell me I make useless posts, ever again.
I'm off to a party. Yeah, you know those things you used to go to before you got married and fat? Haha! No, of course you don't!
Hope yer' kid dies.
Later-