Julius Caesar.....salad......Caesar Salad......see? there's a link. (504 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: -0.64 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wood (View user info) at 2007-04-05 22:02:50 EDT
So on monday I was doing work at BA* and we had an auditor coming, being the guy who does the accounts I'd spoken to her on the phone, and I was very much looking forward to meeting her....it was a voice straight outta '090 mega tit wank'.
She was just coming in to query a few things, after her firm had done most of the work in their own offices, with the required info supplied over the web.
I recognised the voice immediately, and looked up through the water cooler....the shape was distorted by the water and plastic, short and wide, with bits sticking out and going back in where there shouldn't be any, her head looked very much like the head of the cartoon character 'Arnold' from the cartoon 'Hey Arnold!'*1
Blond Auditor, what d'ya know.
All I could see round the water cooler was her left hand, a little pudgy (I like a girl with meat on her bones...mega tit wank...nmmmmm), the index and middle fingers had false nails.
I steped round the water cooler, to stride towards her my left hand extended.
I am right handed, but I wanted to judge by her reaction by me shaking with my left whether she was left or right handed...because if she was right handed, then it was suspicious that she'd broken two nails on her left hand....which probably meant she kept them short on purpose for flicking the bean....and if she was playing with her weak hand, that almost certainly meant she was doing it in front of the computer, where her strong hand would be busy flicking from one porn vid to another, and if this was the case, I thought I could get her into bed about as easily as I can put on a hat*2
Apparently, the water cooler was empty, or almost empty, and the image had not been distorted one bit.
I quickly ran back round to The Shelves and grabbed the pair of glasses that lived there*3 putting them on had two advantages, firstly it went some way to obscuring my devilishly handsome face, because I certainly didn't want to attract......it.....and secondly it majorly blurred my vision, so I wouldn't be plagued by its visage.
I went out to greet her, right hand extended.....she shook hands damply, she was definitely right handed.
I shuddered.
Her head looked very much like a very blurry version of the head of the cartoon character 'Arnold' from the cartoon 'Hey Arnold'*4
The meeting went smoothly until right at the end, all stuff I could answer from memory, which was just as well because I couldn't have read a thing with those glasses on.
Then the last trouble came up. She asked why Elvis*5 had been paid at almost twice the rate in November he had in October.
I said he hadn't, and he was salaried. She then went on at length, dispite my interruptions, explaining that he'd worked only half as much in November as he had in October, but had been paid the same amont.....or on an hourly level, twice as much. I explained that he had been off for a large part of November with something that definitely had not been gout*6 but that he'd paid the same because he was on a salary....a salary of £100k, for an electrician! I know high end electric work is highly skilled but £100k? bloody hell.
She appeared not to understand the concept, so I did what all English people do when someone doesn't understand a word. I repeated it slower and louder.
I started to break it down for her....but when my mind threw up the first half of the word 'Sala as in Salad' I decided against it. I doubt she was familiar with salad, any self respecting salad would try to outrun her, and probably succeed.
The stalemate ended when I fetched Elvis and told him that she was accusing him of fraud (whaaaat?), and he chased her out of the office with his dildo drill*8
I then proceeded to write her superiors an email rather like this post http://www.ubersite.com/m/100426 but shorter and more amusing.
*'Cool, are you a pilot?'
'No, not that BA'
'you mean you work for Mr T!?!'
'No, the Birmingham Association'
'.....Oh'
*1 http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/10/HeyArnold!.png
*2 Yes, I think like that ALL THE TIME
*3 Once, long ago in the mists of time, one of the cleaners threw out someones mug.....after someone at our end complained about this, they stopped clearing up anything that wasn't definately rubbish......half eaten sandwiches that someone might come back for....mugs...plates.....bits of paper with writing on them.....the shelves in that area are now covered in stuff, the older things buried under drifts of dust and the newer arrivals....the cleaners wont clean them, and no-one else will either.
*4 See *1 and imagine blurryness.
*5 Yes, that is his real name, some people have no taste.
*6 He had heard that gout was a disease of the foot and assumed that was what he had as his foot was swollen.....I explained that gout was a common disease for knights*7, but not for at least 100 years....I have no idea what was wrong with his foot, but it was NOT gout.
*7 He got knighted, how the hell does an electrician get knighted? bloody hell.
*8 Actually no, I'm not even going to start explaining that one.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-07 16:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-04-06 14:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How dare you throw salad on Caesar? The pic kept this from a neg rating. Jobmate, hah!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-06 12:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caesar Salad was invented in Tijuana.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-06 12:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thrilling
Submitted by needsnothing (user info) at 2007-04-06 07:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Whilst Zebra has assumed that anyone giving this post a positive rating is doing so for the picture, in a fairly closed minded and pompus way, I offer a +1 for two reasons: I found your train of thought when seeing the auditor amusing and*2
2: This was an interesting idea also.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-04-06 02:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-05 22:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Here's a half point for the emoticon.
Best I can do, mate.
I'm sure some will just look at the picture and bump you up.
Cheers.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-04-05 22:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-05 22:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was boring and disjointed.
I dislike giving -2s unless there is absolutely no effort or the post is unnecessarily offensive, but I'll make an exception here because the meh was stifling.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-04-05 22:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
goddamn picture link didn't work......:(