This is a bad idea, and I know it. (762 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.16 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DangerPants (View user info) at 2007-04-09 10:47:53 EDT
I've been lurking long enough to know what a horrible idea this is, but I need a general consensus, and you people are the fastest way to get one. Here's the deal: My little sister called me this weekend, freaking out because her boyfriend tried to kill her. Literally. I'm not really clear about the details (mainly because every time I ask her to tell me what happened, she gets hysterical about halfway through), but the gist of it, as I get it from her is like so...
She and her boyfriend got into a small argument on Friday because he wanted them to go to the movies, but the movie didn't start until 10:30, and was pretty long, and she was afraid she might fall asleep in the middle. But he really wanted to go, so she went to go lay down and have a nap. She woke up around 9, got dressed and went to tell her boyfriend that she was ready to go. He was in a bad mood and said they weren't going, because she didn't want to, so never mind. She shrugged it off and went back upstairs to read. Her boyfriend decided to sleep on the couch that night.
This is where the details get sketchy. Apparently, when she woke up the next morning and he was still sleeping on the couch, and when she tried to wake him up and put him to bed, he blew up on her. Now, I'm not saying she didn't scream at him, and I'm not saying she didn't maybe start the fight, but what happened next defies rational human nature. He smacked her in the mouth, and she went to the phone to call the police. All they have in their apartment are cordless phones, and her boyfriend ATE the batteries so she couldn't call. That's right. Ate them. Ate them. ATE THE BATTERIES. Then he threw her down on the couch, placed his hands over her mouth and nose, and smothered her until she passed out. She says the last thing she remembers before everything went black was him pressing his mouth to her ear and screaming as loudly as he could that she was going to die.
When she came to, he was gone. She walked about 2 miles in her pajamas and a coat, in freezing temperatures, to the closest payphone (with her dog... go figure) and called me to come get her. By the time I got there, the cops were there. He'd pretty much trashed the house, broke a bunch of stuff, made a general mess, and my sister's mouth was red and inflamed, but not bruised. The cops took pictures and said that if he came back, they'd arrest him if she called (nevermind that he ATE the batteries to the phone) and that she could get an emergency 36-hour restraining order. We did that, and she's been staying with me since then.
The dilemma that faces me now is MY dilemma. Common sense says that I should step back and let the cops handle it, but my testosterone says that my friends and I should find him and give him some 5-knuckle justice. Uber, you are a land full of jerks who sit in their mom's basements thinking of ways to get back at those who have wronged you. Can you give a brother some good ideas?
User Reviews
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-02 17:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Up here in Canada - if you slap the shit out some woman beating faggot- you will do time. This fucktard was slappin'on my sister and in front of my young nephews.(one night I was really loaded) I saw him and one of his body buildin' fags holdin' hands at the 7Eleven. He says in his kermit the frog voice "dat's one of my Xs assho brudders". When the bigger goof got in my face I head -butted him in the mouth and he went down like a sack of shit,screamin' about his face. Then the fuity faggot tried to run out of the store but i grabbed him by his goldie locks and beat his fuckin' face into oblivion. After about a year of court appointments -I was sentenced to do 24 week-ends in prison and I had the time of my life-and i still laugh about pulling a Bruce Lee on these 2 fuckwads.But the best part of it all was that it was all caught on video from 7Eleven and due to court and confidentiality issues I got to keep a copy of the video-it's in old Betamax format and if I can stream it to Uber I will. You all will laugh your asses off. Christ I was eighteen years old 5'7" and 130 pounds!Nobody fucks with my friends and family.
My advice - kick the fuckin batteries out of this asshole,and then hold him for your sis to have a go at him.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Answer the gun.
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-04-09 23:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kill the cunt
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-04-09 22:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Cocaine is a hell of drug."
- Rick James
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-09 20:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hang on...what happened to the batteries???
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-04-09 19:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beat the absolute living shit out of him. After the beating, pull out your knife, hold it up to his face and inform him that if there's a next time, you're going to place it somewhere very unpleasant and painful.
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-04-09 17:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kill him
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-09 17:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
kick his fucking ass.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-04-09 16:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe this for a second.
That being said, I'd break a mother fucker in half if he ever lay a hand on my sister.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-09 15:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-04-09 08:10:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buy your sister some new batteries for her phone, and coat them with rat poison.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Absolutely a no brainer.
And what is all this talk of getting caught? FFS.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-04-09 13:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
let the cops deal with it for now. i would wait a few years until things cool off and then kidnap the guy and beat him heavily. i'm talking about so bad that he's using every bit of strength in his body to stay conscious. maybe even cut off some fingers and toes. smashing toes with a hammer has always been pretty effective. then, when he finally blacks out from the pain, you're going to need some chains, a few cinder blocks, and a boat. you'll know what to do with those i presume.
when a family member's girlfriend had her neck broken and was left in a ditch for three days to die, i told him i'd help him "deal with" the guy that did it. looking back, it's probably good that he refused because there's no way we would have gotten away with it.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2007-04-09 13:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
your sister's a whore
but yeah. street justice. do it.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-09 13:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-09 12:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That last link isn't even about eating batteries, you fucking neanderthal
-=-=-=
Yes, it is cockwash, read the fucking title. It may not be about ingesting batteries, per say, but it sure as shit is about eating them.
You calling me a neanderthal is just your way of justifying why you asked for naked pictures of my unshaven belly button, isn't it?
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-04-09 13:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this post smells of pussy.
its never the one that talks shit that you have to worry about
perhaps you and your sister should just take some midol, adjust your tapons and understand what happens when bitches get all upity and shit.
Submitted by Kurfsec (user info) at 2007-04-09 12:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
beat his mother fucking ass you pussy!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-04-09 12:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If this was one of my little sisters he would be a dead man right now. I would kill him, first allowing him to bruise me up enough so it would look like self defense and then sprinkle some crack on him. Then call the NYPD via my family who is on the job. At no point would I hesitate from ending him, ever, not even slightly for a second.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-09 12:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
the fact that you would even come on uber to ask what you should do when one of your family members is assaulted is beyond me.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-09 12:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That last link isn't even about eating batteries, you fucking neanderthal
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-09 12:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Battery Eaters
http://joshstaiger.org/archives/2005/03/what_happens_wh.html
http://www.petfinder.com/journalindex.cgi?path=/public/animalcare/health/1.34.15.txt
http://photo.net/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg?msg_id=00FxNK
Compliments the 4077 M*A*S*H:
Lyrics to the song 'Suicide is Painless'
Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...
[REFRAIN]:
that suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...
[REFRAIN]
The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.
[REFRAIN]
The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat.
[REFRAIN]
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...
[REFRAIN]
A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be
and I replied 'oh why ask me?'
[REFRAIN]
'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you please.
Submitted by Comfortably_Numb (user info) at 2007-04-09 12:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Hook the house up to your truck and move.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol
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V
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Go to Walmart and buy a telephone, an alarm clock, a single barrel 12 gauge shotgun and some shotshells. Saw the barrel and stock off the shotgun so the whole thing is less than a foot long. Load the gun with a shotshell and put it by your bed next to the 'phone and your alarm clock. When the alarm goes off, answer the gun and blow your head off.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He would be in the hospital right now if that was my sister, and his own mother wouldn't recognize him.
I'm just sayin'.
-------
i'mo touch your sister.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just wear a clean shirt and trim your mullet for your future appearances on cops.
Buahauahauahahahahaaa
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How about marching up there and kicking his ass...and while you're at it, beat the shit out of his friends, too.
And then, tag your sister once before you leave.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just wear a clean shirt and trim your mullet for your future appearances on cops.
Submitted by needsnothing (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It astonishes me that you would post this on a creative writing/entertainment webiste full of people you do not know? It's completely innapropriate.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well with any luck the batteries will take care of his dumb ass for you but I suppose that all depends on the type and how many he swallowed.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:18:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buy your sister some new batteries for her phone, and coat them with rat poison.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think that this was even better than mine!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If all you fagots, Method included, have sisters why don't you send them to me for safe custody? I know Tae-Bo, so I could effectively take on at least .32 attackers.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what method said. If you do anything vigilante-esque you will get in trouble. Remember that this guy, however big a scumbag he might be, does have a mother and family who love him and they will not hesitate to file charges against you, and police historically hate it when people take matters into their own hands.
At the same time I have a sister too and I would be just as tempted as you; but let the authorities take care of this one.
My mother doesn't even have a basement, BTW.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
JER-RY!
JER-RY!
JER-RY!
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buy your sister some new batteries for her phone, and coat them with rat poison.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If that had been my sister then, despite the fact we dont get along, God help me I would have rounded up the biggest nastiest bastards that I know and the dude would never be fucking found.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
the fact that you would even come on uber to ask what you should do when one of your family members is assaulted is beyond me.
give the abusive boyfriend a gun and tell him to shoot you and your sister in the head. that should take care of it nicely
=-=-=
This chick is one step away from being autistic, with down syndrome, and reeks of severe retardation. That being said, she makes a very valid point and I'm hungover. Do the math, it just doesn't make sense, does it?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He would be in the hospital right now if that was my sister, and his own mother wouldn't recognize him.
I'm just sayin'.
-------
This was my first reaction, but honestly, I recommend letting the cops/justice system deal with it. Things could escalate until somebody gets killed...maybe someone on your side.
The guy is fucking up his own life well enough all by himself. I've known his type. He's going nowhere. He'll end up in jail or a ditch without any help from you.
Why am I answering this?
Jesus.
Slow fucking coffee maker.
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-04-09 11:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take the high road. Protect your sister as needed. Let the police handle THIS incident. But if something were to happen again (hopefully he won't be back in her life having choked to death eating the batteries) THEN you could dispense some brotherly justice.
I wish I had a brother.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyone can punch a fool in the face... and I can honestly say that had he been there when I got there, it wouldn't have mattered that her apartment was swarming with cops, he wouldn't have walked away. But since that opportunity has escaped me, I'm looking for something creative and more menacing than the threat of the girlfriend's big brother and his fist.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post can now also be used as proof in court if you ever do decide to do something, so yeah, bad idea. If, theoretically, you WERE going to do something, it would have to wait a good long while before it could be done, and you would have to make sure that it wasn't traced back to you, but seeing as you're POSTING about it on a public internet forum, asking for advice, doesn't seem like you're bright enough to pull this off without getting caught.
And I don't live in my mothers basement, you turd. Never have. = (
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
the fact that you would even come on uber to ask what you should do when one of your family members is assaulted is beyond me.
give the abusive boyfriend a gun and tell him to shoot you and your sister in the head. that should take care of it nicely
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Probably fake, But nothing beats a good blanket party. Followed by mass tea-baggings, with a sprinkle of castration.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-09 10:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He would be in the hospital right now if that was my sister, and his own mother wouldn't recognize him.
I'm just sayin'.