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Category: NoneRating: -0.33 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by thecrystalship (View user info) at 2007-04-09 20:27:25 EDT
The Woods (Note)
by Braeden Brone
Yes, I decided to live in the woods. I had often dreamed about living a life of freedom. A life without rules, one without suits and ties, a life without compromises. I couldn't allow myself to get up and go to the same place with the same people to do the same job for the next 40 years, and so I escaped to the woods. You may wonder what I used to do before I moved out to the woods. I never did have a serious job, a career. I had always dreaded the idea of work; instead I've made most of my money through a variety of hobbies. Sure, I could be happy with a steady salary, but I knew I could be just as happy without one. It's the people that slave for money that aren't happy, and that wasn't going to be me.
Yes, I just took off West until I came across an enticing little mountain town. I rented storage for my car, and then I talked to the barflies about the surrounding land. I discovered that the majority owner of the land was not a local, and so it was indeed the perfect setting.
I walked 5 miles Southwest through the woods before I found a spot that suited me. It was a small clearing on the top of a very long slope which ran into a creek. I set up my tent and for the next 2 months I worked building a log cabin from the surroundings. When I had finished it was a very nice log cabin with a stone fireplace and some simple furniture. I even had a generator for power, although I'm a romantic, so I mostly used candles for my lighting.
I quickly became comfortable in my own leisure. I filled my days with reading and writing and drinking; my new home was quite the paradise; I even enjoyed the 5 mile walks to town for supplies as exercise and sightseeing. I acquired the utopian freedom which I had desired, and nothing bothered me; the only world I knew was my own, and I was content with it. My life went on in this pleasant manner until one particular day when I was in town buying groceries and updating a few websites. I decided to post the GPS coordinates of my new home, as many people had become rather interested in my new way of life.
The first week after the posting of my coordinates I had 20 people come to my place for a conference. This one incident was not intolerable, but my residence soon became a magnet for these conferences, where people came to party with others they had met through the websites. For the next 2 months I had at least one group of four intruding on my space every week. I was even being visited by young locals who were looking for a new place to get together. It was quite annoying to consistently play the role of friendly host, but I never had the nerve to turn them away. It was unavoidable that I spent much of my time in an inebriated state as a means to deal with this influx of annoying people. I don't know when, but after putting up with it for what seemed like an eternity, my mind brought forth the notion to toy with these uninvited guests. It was quite amusing in my state of stupor.
Yes, I remember drawn-out political debates where I would take the most absurd stance on an issue and then argue it for hours. I remember long drunken ramblings confessing that I was a prophet sent by God and that I was in the woods preparing to lead the world to salvation. I was never serious about any of it, but they were none the wiser. On rare occasions I was strikingly convincing, and at these times people would actually believe the outlandish statements which I made, but over time these sorts of things became boring and I abandoned them. Instead, I resorted to starting fights by openly flirting with the women in front of their boyfriends/husbands for my kicks, but I even lost interest in this and I eventually ended up just walking around yelling at people. Slowly the people stopped showing up, and I should have been happy, but somehow I felt worse. I had abandoned everything productive long ago and I decreased my visits to town. My days now consisted of drinking and tending the fire, and nothing more. My recollection of time during that period is not very strong, but I estimate this went on for two or three months. It was during this time that I came to know a man named Ben.
One day he just walked into my cabin and sat down at my table like he owned the place. I didn't say anything, he had this confident way of moving which removed any surrounding doubt. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag. I watched as he looked up at the ceiling and slowly released a puff of smoke from his lungs while relaxing his posture in the chair. He still had not volunteered his purpose; I asked him his name.
"I'm you."
He never looked over at me. He tapped his smoke in the ashtray and then he took a pull from a whiskey bottle that was sitting on the table. The stranger stood up and walked outside; I went after him, but he wasn't to be found. Jesus Christ, I thought, I must be going insane.
"Why do you think that?"
I turned around startled, and looked through the doorway. He was still sitting at the table smoking, and watching me.
"Who are you?"
"Ben Broadener"
"Why are you here?"
"..."
I sat down across from him and watched him pour two drinks. As he pushed my drink toward me his face came into the dim glow of the candle. The candle flickered and sleeping shadows awoke to dance about the room. I had nervously anticipated seeing my own face, I was relieved to find him a stranger.
"What do you want?"
He didn't respond, he just sat there looking upon me, and I on him. I snapped out of my hypnotic trance after he dropped a penny into his empty glass. It bounced back and forth between the glass walls; its song resonated longly and slowly as I watched him disappear into the darkness. I laid my head in my arms; I couldn't think.
The Press Star
"Alleged Suicide at Brone Cabin"
by Eben Dearborn
The charred remains of what is believed to be Braeden Brone were found in a cabin 7 miles outside the town of Hershal on Wednesday morning. An autopsy discovered a near lethal blood alcohol concentration, but investigators would not confirm the cause of death. There is a continued investigation into an abnormal note posted on a tree outside the cabin as well as trace amounts of cyanide found in a drinking glass within the vicinity; it appears there may have been an interloper. The investigation is expected to be concluded by Friday morning.
Diary of a Madman
by Ben Broadener
Yes, my friends, man is doomed to live a life accordant with his name. Did you know that Braeden means "valley of darkness"? Did you know Brone means "sorrow"? You make it a priority to learn these sorts of things about a man when you have him chained up in confinement. Brone might have been a good man if he weren't so selfish; forty acres, but not one he could spare. I'm not an evil man; the note I left at the scene should be sufficient proof of my involvement; although, it is a bit cryptic and the police could mistake old Brone for a suicidal schizophrenic.
I have learned a bit about the ways of the world this past year. Men are free at any moment that they wish to be, this I have realized, and so I have abandoned my primitive, confused ideals of liberty to pursue a career in journalism.
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-10 18:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-10 17:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since we are rating based off of things which do not pertain to the actual written work I should -2 all of your posts based off your shitty name (GetNakeddd). After all, the author's name is very important to appreciating a work...lol
+2 for making me sign back in for this....this was funny.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-04-10 13:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You sound bitter.
Take the rest of the day off...you're obviously under a lot of tension.
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You must not have read my replies. Bitter? Maybe, but, I've already stated the reason for this mood.
I find it quite amusing, that a writing is judged on title alone. As you can tell from my responses I highly disagree with this form of review, as it is irrational. I must admit that it annoyed me a bit at first, but as I have stated I now find it humorous and will continue to post all of my submissions with random titles.
Rating based on title, or lack of title, is absurd, and that is my only opinion which I am adamant about. Everything else I have said has more or less been in fun. You should only take half of what I say to be a serious thought or opinion. I do enjoy toying with people.
Besides this I wanted to comment on ubers shitty formatting. ph really is an improvement in that regard; even though you can't get an honest opinion out of those sheep. I used to rely on uber for honest criticism; I like to know if my writing is shit. Today; however, I feel like I can no longer rely on uber for this purpose which disappoints me to a certain degree. Hahaha, ahh well, you will think I actually care about any of this now won't you, but why shouldn't you? You live here, no?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-10 12:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You sound bitter.
Take the rest of the day off...you're obviously under a lot of tension.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Much to your apparent disbelief, the title of a story counts for much of my attraction to it. In fact, a title can make a piece of writing better recieved, because it is so kick ass.
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Since we are rating based off of things which do not pertain to the actual written work I should -2 all of your posts based off your shitty name (GetNakeddd). After all, the author's name is very important to appreciating a work...lol
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-04-10 11:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So I'm among the judge the book by the cover crowd, hurray for me. From now on all of my posts are going to be titled lakfjdslfjl;dsjklsfjldsjf or some other random shit, like it or not. If you want to negative rate them because of that, good for you. You have very sound criteria for your judgments. Assholes.
Submitted by Montucky (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
because it sucks that you can get kicked off the board for (-) ratings.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think there may be a typo in the title.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Much to your apparent disbelief, the title of a story counts for much of my attraction to it. In fact, a title can make a piece of writing better recieved, because it is so kick ass. If you're not going to take the time to think about an appropriate title for your post, then I can't be bothered to read it. Plus, it's long as shit and the first two paragraphs didn't grab my attention. This is a serious writers forum, didn't you know that?
Dipshit
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:03:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I might as well go around -2ing titles which I don't like according to your logic. God damnit, relax, relax.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-04-10 10:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm just in a bad mood today, because I have to sit in front of an impact panel where OWI victims tell me how bad of a person I am; still though, read it and rate it honestly you fuckhead.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-04-10 09:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-10 08:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't bother reading this because you didn't bother titling it. This is kinda what happened last time you did this with the title. Just F.Y.I....apparently I'm not the only one who thought this way.
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I was drunk. I didn't give a shit about a title at the time. If you're going to -2 it just because I didn't post a title without reading it then you are a complete asshole. If you did read it then I thank you for your -2, but as you yourself have stated, you are an asshole.
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-04-10 08:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-10 08:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't bother reading this because you didn't bother titling it. This is kinda what happened last time you did this with the title. Just F.Y.I....apparently I'm not the only one who thought this way.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-04-09 20:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i got extremely drunk today and applied to about 15 jobs. wish me luck.