Karma's right index finger, or how to make a sixth grader toss his cookies. (781 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BeaverDamn (View user info) at 2007-04-10 22:17:14 EDT
For the most part, I'm a kind of guy who doesn't get mad easily. I usually go with the flow and laugh off most of the shit that happens to me. Even in the sixth grade, I could usually most anything thrown at me.
Oh, but Mike Nugent pushed me over the edge.
Mike was that kind of kid who claimed to be related to Ted Nugent because most 6th graders were gullible enough to believe him. He was basically an attention-whore who considered himself a part of my small group of friends. This is all fine by me. I didn't like him personally, but he wasn't a terrible guy.
But Michael took amusement by stealing my lunch.
And nobody touches BeaverDamn's lunch.
Nobody.
Sure it started off innocently enough, I would go up to get a fork from the front, but as I came back, I realized somebody had taken my lunchbox with all my lunch in it.
I'd look around, but whoever had taken it had hid it under the table so I couldn't see it.
After about 5 minutes of bitching, somebody would eventually hand me my lunch.
As much as this pissed me off, I let it go. I didn't like it, but hey it was sort of funny.
By the end of the week however, the novelty had worn off. For me anyway.
Realizing again on Friday that I needed a spoon to eat my Snack Pack, I went up to the counter to grab a spoon.
But anticipating my long awaited nourishment being swiped, I quickly glanced back on the trip up...
And Mike was stealing my lunch.
I finished walking up to the counter and I reached down to grab a spoon, but something yellow caught my eye.
A beautiful gleaming mustard packet.
And I got the idea.
Checking over my shoulder once more to make sure Mike wasn't looking, I tore open the packet and spread it over my finger. Quickly and stealthily, I maneuvered my way behind him prepared to strike.
I was about to perform the Mustard Willy.
With the speed and precision of a ninja, I stuck my finger in his ear and proceeded to twist it around, ensuring that his entire inner ear got some of the goo.
Mike turned to face me, and glanced at my finger. He saw the now smeared yellow condiment on my right hand, and half empty packet in my left.
Oh the look on his face.
He jumped up as fast as he could, and proceeded to puke everything he'd ever eaten into the garbage cans sitting directly in the middle of the lunchroom, visible to everyone from my classmates, to the wee little first graders.
My moment of glory and triumph was further sweetened as I looked up to my teacher, who was doubled over with laughter, on the verge of tears.
Not that it needs to be said, but no one ever touched my lunch after that day.
Because they too feared, they might be on the receiving end...
OF THE MUSTARD WILLY
User Reviews
Submitted by BeaverDamn (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:51:52 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
get over it.
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neutralized
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Appreciated
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:51:52 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
get over it.
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neutralized
Submitted by BeaverDamn (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
get over it.
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Retaliatory -2 from a stupid fucker.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ew :(
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
get over it.
Submitted by BeaverDamn (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron's alter.
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Incorrect, but flattered.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-04-11 15:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmatron's alter.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2007-04-11 12:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SacrificialVirgin (user info) at 2007-04-11 11:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for revenge
when in doubt, use mustard because revenge is a mustard packet best served through the ear
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-11 09:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-11 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why in God's name would mustard make him vomit?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-04-11 08:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-11 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why in God's name would mustard make him vomit?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-04-11 08:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone at work was stealing my lunch so I put a dog shit on my sandwich, then made an announcement later that day and one guy started dry heaving.....of the fun that caused....I think I'll make a post about it later.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-04-11 08:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i kind of went the other way: http://www.ubersite.com/m/50353
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-04-11 04:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought 'tossing your cookies' meant something else entirely.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-11 02:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by eric_the_bread (user info) at 2007-04-11 01:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BeaverDamn (user info) at 2007-04-11 00:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-10 23:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've resorted to quick checks of a walkthrough for a couple of places, but not the big lungfish fight--HA! (I chewed through all of my lives more than a few times, reloading and trying again, before I just happened to stumble on to the way to pin it down temporarily.)
I found the lungfishopolis level fun. I started out trying not to squish anyone or smash down buildings -- "Oh no! He's heading for the orphanage!" -- but ended up destroying buildings ruthlessly since I needed to get the adders.
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Okay. I was mightily confused. Used my incredible google-search skills to find the above. Some kinda game, I guess. I'm still confused.
ps, I play horseshoes. (That is, I'm old[ish].)
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Yeah, it's from a videogame. It's one of those "what the fuck?" games. You enter into the mind of a lungfish and you smash through their town (hence lungfishopolis)in this particular level. That was the only level I ever played, but it was incredibly entertaining.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-10 23:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've resorted to quick checks of a walkthrough for a couple of places, but not the big lungfish fight--HA! (I chewed through all of my lives more than a few times, reloading and trying again, before I just happened to stumble on to the way to pin it down temporarily.)
I found the lungfishopolis level fun. I started out trying not to squish anyone or smash down buildings -- "Oh no! He's heading for the orphanage!" -- but ended up destroying buildings ruthlessly since I needed to get the adders.
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Okay. I was mightily confused. Used my incredible google-search skills to find the above. Some kinda game, I guess. I'm still confused.
ps, I play horseshoes. (That is, I'm old[ish].)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-10 23:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-10 20:10:51 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't fuck with someone's Snack Pack. Ever.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-04-10 23:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OKay, a mustard willie is pretty funny...
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-10 23:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You don't fuck with someone's Snack Pack. Ever.
Submitted by BeaverDamn (user info) at 2007-04-10 22:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha, I just recognized...
lungfish
...
HE'S HEADING FOR THE ORPHANAGE!!!!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-10 22:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Only because I fucking hate wet willies. I'm gonna kick the shit out of my daughter next time.
If you gave me a mustard willy, I'd...
No...I don't know you, so I won't threaten you with empty...um...threats.
Uh...
Submitted by BeaverDamn (user info) at 2007-04-10 22:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not sure... some people are weird about mustard.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-10 22:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 lunchroom justice
I don't get it though..he saw the packet so he knew it was mustard..what made him throw up? It's mustard.
And for some reason, "somebody had taken my lunchbox with all my lunch in it" made me giggle.