My Adventures In Wally World or My Princess Has A Dirty Dirty Mouth (723 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.26 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MEGACITO (View user info) at 2007-04-11 16:18:35 EDT
So I'm walking into my local Wal - Mart superstore to score the new flushed away DVD for my princess ( I have a 5 year old with an insatiable appetite for animated movies )as usual we are chatting away about this and that when all of a sudden my arm strikes a display case that contains miniature coke cans in six packs. Needless to say the establishment in which I were shopping doesn't exactly pride itself in being tidy or pleasing to the eye. On the contrary, this place is like a place where new products go to die. You may find a jar of pickles while looking through the cd's or even worse feminine hygiene products in the candy aisle.
On this particular day the canned soda display was slightly off, by slightly off I mean it was smack dead in the center of a major aisle , no not like a display , like the lazy stock boy decided that in the middle of building a display he would take a break to go and fondle his underage girlfriend out back while hot boxing a Marlboro red to make himself look cool. So what did I do , I knocked the whole top half of this display over because I was busy discussing why my daughters dog likes to " slide up and down on her uncles leg " but that's another story for another time. So as I'm doing my best to try and hide the truth from my daughter I'm obviously not paying attention to whets going on around me then it happens ** WHAM ** thirty six packs or better hit the floor and go sliding for days. I mean everywhere.
Being the nice guy that I am and wanting to set an example for my daughter I start picking the loose cans up and placing them back on the display. No harm no foul right ? That's exactly what I thought too , until my helpful five year old decides that she wants to help too. This is when the trouble starts. My daughter has taken it upon herself to stack the cans one on top of another and then pick them up. Well in her attempt to be helpful she drops several cans and they all explode. Now I'm not the father that gets angry over silly things so me and my daughter are having a pretty good laugh as we're both covered in soda of all colors and flavors , I mean from head to toe there are soda spots on us both.
Enter the evil wal-mart bitch. We'll call her bertha from here on out. Bertha takes it upon herself to ask me and my daughter what is so funny about destroying items in HER store ( judging by her lack of several teeth and her apparent dislike for deodorant I doubt she owns this store let alone anything else for that matter ) to which I reply very calmly that it was all an accident and in the midst of trying to straighten it up there was a small accident. She was not amused , but my five year old is still laughing like a hyena on nitrous oxide , it only makes things worse.
Bertha ( clipboard and all ) glares at my child and myself until I ask what I can do to help. To which she demands that I stand in the middle of the liquid in the middle of the store until she can go and retrieve a safety cone so that other shoppers aren't injured. I had just about agreed until she asked me if that was too much to handle and if I understood what she was asking me... ummm excuse me did she really just try to belittle me in wal-mart of all places while wearing an orange vest and carrying a clipboard... I think she did.
So naturally I gave in and told her I would stand there until she returned , that was until she turned back around while walking away and stated one last time so that I understood , do not move from that spot. The difference between this last statement and the others was that it was a demand with the intent on exerting her authority over me and my child. Well to take it back a few years ... HOMIE DON'T PLAY DAT.
So as soon as bertha was far enough away me and my daughter proceeded to go and get our DVD. I thought that if I paid for my purchase in the electronics department that I could avoid any other uncomfortable situations that may or may not involve stinky bertha... boy was I wrong.
In order to leave you must walk to the front of the store , and who was waiting.. you got it .. bertha. She proceeded to tell me that I needed to pay for those drinks blah blah blah .. all the while I'm walking away and she's trying to make her point. My child is witnessing all this and growing ever more concerned because her daddy is being confronted by this miserable excuse for a person.
The next thing that happened nearly gave me a heart attack.. My child is quite the prankster and has been reprimanded several times at her school for being so mischevious..so while I had stopped to talk to bertha assuming that my kiddo was right beside me , my merry prankster was busy opening several bags of M & M'S candy. The next thing I know my daughter has poured more than one bag of candy on the floor and by this time bertha is furious. Bertha demands that my child pick up this mess blah blah blah .. and my daughter being of sound mind and body proceeds to tell bertha " no way bitch " ...whaaaaaaat ? I have never heard this type of language come out of my angels mouth but it couldn't have come at a better time !!! Bertha was stunned and so was I. I didn't know what to say other than I'm sorry all the while trying not to laugh , but bertha just looks up from her clipboard and barely says the words " fuck you " .. I didn't think that anybody heard her other than myself , but my daughter without missing a beat says , fuck you bitch , to bertha before I can even blink.
Needless to say next time I go to wal-mart for something , I think that I will find a babysitter...
User Reviews
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-04-13 11:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about MEGACITO
User id: 29495
Registered on or around: 2006-12-07 16:05:28 EST
# Messages posted: 9
# Reviews written: 76
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 242
# Hits: 2694
Average rating of all messages: -1.24
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-04-12 09:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hEH.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-12 09:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2007-04-11 20:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How does this have a negative rating? I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by peacenik_in_hell (user info) at 2007-04-12 03:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-11 17:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A haiku:
This post was real shit
This post was real fucking shit
This post was real shit
___________________
in the same spirit:
learn some damn english,
utilize the spell checker,
try, oh, try again.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-12 01:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok thats fuckin great, your daughter is gonna be a badass someday.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2007-04-11 20:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How does this have a negative rating? I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2007-04-11 20:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Too many words for too little content
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-04-11 19:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was pretty funny.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-04-11 19:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Awesome. Damn Wal-Mart power tripping bitches...
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-11 17:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've developed a rather intense dislike (borderline hatred) for you.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-11 17:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A haiku:
This post was real shit
This post was real fucking shit
This post was real shit
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-11 17:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU FOOLS. He may not know the rules, he may be *GASP* a new user.
Submitted by Dance.With.The.Devil. (user info) at 2007-04-11 17:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
this idiot is competing with me for worst overall rating of all time
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-04-11 17:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm so rich, i wish i had a dime for every dime i have.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
haha... I +2ed both you and TTOM so there's nothing I can do...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' A right, Beeltea.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You broke an Uber law.
Here's your sentence.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude. Seriously. STFU.
Oh and this?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One post per day, you stupid fucktard.
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Will last until he's out of SUPA.
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One post per day, you stupid fucktard.
*********
I remember shlongy! His reviews always made me laugh.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
High five bosh man
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get me wrong, I like the post.
rules are rules.
don't forget the rules.
rules are rules.
don't forget the rules.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yea see?
redskies knows what i'm sayin
*HIGH FIVE*
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
When are we gonna see 'same ole' shlongy'? this 'brand new' crap is messing with my mind
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One post per day, you stupid fucktard.
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this new, cuddlier, Shlongy is freaking me the fuck out.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One post per day, you stupid fucktard.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this snag fellow might post something, wait 2 years, then post the same exact thing again, but at least he/she doesn't post twice in the same day.
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1 post a day even I know that
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My Adventures In Wally World or My Princess Has A Dirty Dirty Mouth (Rating: -1 on 4 reviews, last by DudeThatsBOSH 14 seconds ago)
Submitted by MEGACITO (View user info) at 2007-04-11 16:18:35 EDT
Can It Be I've Stayed Away Too Long ? You don't Gotta Worry No More People.. (Rating: -1.66 on 14 reviews, last by Shlongy 3 hours ago)
Submitted by MEGACITO (View user info) at 2007-04-11 12:15:30 EDT
Camwhor + I Brought Sexy Back Bitches (Rating: -1.3 on 18 reviews, last by GetNakeddd 4 hours ago)
Submitted by MEGACITO (View user info) at 2007-04-11 11:37:52 EDT
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Give up now.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
UNO POST PER DIA
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
3 for 3!
one more man, you can do it!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Three a day now is it?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1 post a day.
this was reminiscent of a fat tony post
-2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-11 16:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fuck wal-mart