Rant from the aged - this makes sense (454 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.4 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vilem Marak <vilem.marak.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-04-16 04:04:54 EDT
This I have recieved from a somewhat elderly and wise lawyer friend from Toronto.
I felt i needed to share this to instill an intelligent social debate amongst the fine people of the ubersite world.
I am sooooo f'ing tired about middle-aged women who complain about sex! First off, as a guy, we have so much pressure on us to perform it's unreal! Can I get a "hard on"? How long can I last? Can I make her orgasm SEVERAL times? Can I stay awake afterwards?!!!!! WTF!!! Do you women realize the enormous amount of work needed to have sex at 40?!!!!!
Let's go back to our teenage years WHEN I COULDN"T KEEP MY HANDS OFF OF YOU!!! Recall when I wanted to have sex in the stairway, at the bus stop, during gym under the bleachers, after school before my parents got home, in the parked car, and even climb through your window at night while your parents were asleep?!!!! AND THAT WAS ALL IN ONE DAY!!! Hell, I could last for hours, shoot my load, and be ready to go again in 15 minutes!!! But what did I hear from you, a young, demure, selfish, cock tease?!!! "No...wait till tomorrow.", "Let's just cuddle.", "The cat is watching.", and the classic "Is that all you think i'm good for?"!!!!!
Well ladies, the shoe is on the other foot and guess what? I'm tired!!! I'm tired from sheer exhaustion of chasing your cock teasing ass for the last 25 years!!!! Constantly, going home with "blue balls" and "whacking off" because you want me to "respect you in the morning"!!!! Well guess what years of cock abuse has done to my sex drive?!!!!
Yes ladies, it's your fault I have no interest in sex! Not getting any and whacking off to porn for 25 years has desensitized my nerve endings to the point that I feel nothing from my navel to my knees!!!! Fantasizing about every possible way of f'ing your brains out has distorted reality for me!!! You, walking in with nothing on under a fur coat pales in comparison to me fantasizing about you rimming my ass while I fuck your sister in front of 18,000 adoring fans at the United Center!!!!
It's your fault for teasing away the most potent years of my life. You should have taken advantage of my erections from your cat jumping on my crotch when you had the chance, but nooooooo!!!! You wanted to babysit your neice and "pretend" we were a family!!!!
Now, in the height of your sex drive, you want me to pin your legs behind your ears after a long day at work, and give it to you for more than 10 minutes a month?!!!!! PUH-LEASE!!!! Nope! You see...now you will suffer the same inglorious defeat I experienced many moons ago. So....go to 'The Exotic Emporium', get yourself a multi-speed, gyrating, flesh feeling, thingamabob, a handful of Peter North dvds, and come up with creative ways to sneak aroud the house and have yourself a little "Par-tay"!!!! Otherwise, be prepared to wine me, dine me, take me golfing, and stroke my little ego until I'M IN THE MOOD!!!
And...don't give me that crap about going out and getting some "young, dumb, and full of cum" kid. I'll divorce your ass so fast your fallopians will get twisted!!! AND afterward, I will get the chance to re-live those glory years with some young, nubile, tight bodied, coed looking for a sugar daddy! (Even if it is once a month!) Better than thinking of her while trying to have sex with your old, sagging, "has-been" ass!!!
So, the next time you think about making some smart ass remark like, "Mr. 5 minute man.", or "I didn't even get started." just remember that 25 years of neglect is the reason why Mr. Willie doesn't get excited to see you anymore!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-06-22 22:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-28 08:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahaha
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-04-17 08:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can relate to this post. Except for, like, the part suggesting that women want to have sex with him. 'Cause they don't want to sex me.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-04-16 09:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great, Thought I like your reviews more than the post. Unintentional comedy is always the best.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah this wans't that great, it was a tad silly. Try posting something more meaningfull.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
as for the rest, you're not worth my time.
im no writer and not amongst the clique, so there's really no point.
====================
Dude, you get rated badly because you post crap. A picture of a camel toe and an e-mail you didn't even write? What do you want?
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And you are the one calling us cunts and saying you hope we get cancer.
So I didn't like your post.. big fucking deal, deal with it you cry-baby slag.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
as for the rest, you're not worth my time.
im no writer and not amongst the clique, so there's really no point.
====================
Dude, you get rated badly because you post crap. A picture of a camel toe and an e-mail you didn't even write? What do you want?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...so sarcasm is lost on this lot as well.
thanks to JoeyG for all.
i love your work, man
...and a select few others.
as for the rest, you're not worth my time.
im no writer and not amongst the clique, so there's really no point.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-04-16 10:50:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
...so much for the welcome wagon.
guess i'll stick to reading instead of sharing.
been nice and i wish you all the cancer of your choice.
greetings and nice knowing you from
Vilem Marak
Prague, Czech Republic
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There is no welcome wagon. It's more of a hearse, and the ride is rough, you just have to bear with it.
Just try and post something that doesn't suck. Yeah, there are some assholes who will just slate it, but if you post something of genuine decency, you'll see that people will rate accordingly.
And I want testicular cancer, and an hot female nurse to check them for me every 5 minutes.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-04-16 10:50:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
...so much for the welcome wagon.
guess i'll stick to reading instead of sharing.
been nice and i wish you all the cancer of your choice.
greetings and nice knowing you from
Vilem Marak
Prague, Czech Republic
=============
You expected a 'welcome' from this sorry pile of dogshit?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's!!!!!!!!!!!! really!!!!!!!!! annoying!!!!!!!!! when!!!!!!!!! people!!!!!!!!!! use!!!!!!!!!!!! so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! many!!!!!!!!!!!!!! exclamation!!!!!!!!!!!!!! marks!!!!!!!!!!! do!!!!!!!!! you!!!!!!!!!!!! see!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...so much for the welcome wagon.
guess i'll stick to reading instead of sharing.
been nice and i wish you all the cancer of your choice.
greetings and nice knowing you from
Vilem Marak
Prague, Czech Republic
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:45:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah its still cock.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Absolute bag of shit.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My name is Butters, dont fret im reading your story.......just need to change your name on profile, thats all im suggesting.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-04-16 10:14:17 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
exactly the responses i thot id get from the lesser likes of some.
dumb ass name, eh?
hmm whats yours?
john, steve or something equally original?
cunts.
==============
We're cunts and you're the one posting fucking e-mails on here? Get a fucking clue, dickless.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
exactly the responses i thot id get from the lesser likes of some.
dumb ass name, eh?
hmm whats yours?
john, steve or something equally original?
cunts.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-16 05:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's your dumbass name and email address that I couldnt get passed.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-16 04:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus this was awful.
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-04-16 04:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!