um I had BETTER be getting a balloon or at least a fake ring out of this. (709 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.42 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Alasdair (View user info) at 2007-04-17 12:26:12 EDT
When I was a kid I had an accident that involved my mouth, my teeth and a snapping turtle.
You do know what a snapping turtle is, don't you? Otherwise known as an Alligator Snapping Turtle, they have beaks on them that are capable of snapping little boys' fingers in half.
Anyway, I was fishing at the lake with my brothers when one of them announced that an afore-described turtle was sitting near the base of the concrete causeway we were sitting atop. I think I was 10 or 11 at the time and my fascination with anything dangerous was a pretty potent one. I took this announcement as truth and decided to go investigate.
I left my roost at the top of the causeway and proceeded down to where the concrete slab met the waters edge. As you probably know, when lake or river water runs over anything for some time, moss forms and makes for a pretty slippery surface. The particular concrete slab in question was angled at about 45 degrees, I'd say.
Upon reaching the base of the causeway I was disappointed to find that my brother had in fact been lying and that there was no snapping turtle to be found. I had pulled off my shoes and had hiked my pant legs to up around my knees for nothing and I grew quite pissed about all of it. So, I balled my fists and began walking back up the slippery slope with the intention of pommelling a sibling or two upon my return.
About half way through my walk back up the slab, I lost my footing and came crashing down to earth. The first part of my body to hit the mossy concrete was my chin.
A few things happened here that are worth noting:
1. I sheared 6 of my molars. 3 in half, 3 only partially.
2. I bit off 1/3 of the tip of my tongue. I imagine the piece I spit out made for a good meal for one of the fish we were trying to catch. Irony, anyone?
3. A massive gash was created just under my chin, such that a clear view of my jawbone was immediately available for anyone who could get me to look up.
4. Tucked into the newly created laceration were pockets of gravel and moss that were not going to just come out with some vigorous head shaking.
5. Of the teeth that were cracked or broken, one was a baby tooth that had no permanent tooth underneath it. This tooth would require extraction later in life.
The moment I stood up and started spitting out tongue and tooth fragments, my brothers were on their feet. The weren't running, they weren't calling for help and they certainly weren't rushing down to assist me.
They just stood there. Eyes like saucers. Jaws dropped (pun intended).
Eventually my brother Jared flagged down a passing car and enlisted the help of a total stranger. I was escorted to a hospital where I promptly received 29 stitches and later, over $2,000 worth of dental work (I know that figure because it was reminded to me by my father over the next few years).
I tell you this story people because today I have a dentist appointment. In fact, I have this appointment in 1 hour. In fact, it's been over 2 years since I've seen a dentist because of the sheer complication involved in 'just getting a cleaning'.
It's always a huge fucking discussion about the state of my enamel's affairs and how long each flawed tooth is going to last before bridgework or implant surgery will have to be considered. It's never fun and I NEVER GET THE FUCKING BALLOONS OR FAKE RINGS THAT I DID WHEN I WAS A KID.
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-10 16:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99208#2409076
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-01 16:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
needed more lies.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-18 06:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Youch.
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-04-18 02:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy mother of God.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-18 01:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-04-18 01:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No balloon for you
Submitted by guitarjunky421 (user info) at 2007-04-17 20:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pain isn`t a strong enough word for that
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-04-17 18:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of one of those dreams I'm always having where I lose teeth.
For some reason, those are always the ones I think are really happening.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-04-17 17:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bujt you know what, lets be real. you'd rather smash your face on a concrete slab than have a snapping turtle get a hold of your jaw, as I thought you were going to say. I was ready to call shenanigans right off the bat. Those motherfuckers do. not. let. go. Cut off its head, and you still aren't getting that shit off. You'd sooner be able to rip your jaw off your face than his jaw off your face.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-04-17 17:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit ow
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-17 16:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-04-17 15:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i actually asked for a baloon when i was like 17.....
i now get a few everytime i go
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the level of envy I have for you is incalculable.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-04-17 15:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-04-17 15:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i actually asked for a baloon when i was like 17.....
i now get a few everytime i go
i like making balloon animals with them
yes i am a dork
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-17 15:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
When I was a kid I had an accident that involved my mouth,
---------------
Sucking your uncles cock cannot be considered an 'accident'
*********************
that was actually pretty funny. You're getting better, twit.
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-04-17 14:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That happened to me once, then we all went and ate ice cream.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-04-17 14:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-04-17 14:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A 45 degree angle on that concrete slab? That sounds unrealistically steep...unless the person who put it there had no idea what they were doing. Even the steepest grades of streets in the west coast states here aren't that steep, to my knowledge. It would render them undriveable.
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It wasn't a street, you meat pocket. It was part of a causeway.
cause·way (kôz'wā')
n.
A raised roadway, as across water or marshland.
A paved highway.
Oh, and by the way...FUCKING OW!
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
When I was a kid I had an accident that involved my mouth,
---------------
Sucking your uncles cock cannot be considered an 'accident'
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was horrifying and well written.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A 45 degree angle on that concrete slab? That sounds unrealistically steep...unless the person who put it there had no idea what they were doing. Even the steepest grades of streets in the west coast states here aren't that steep, to my knowledge. It would render them undriveable.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT IS A CRUMPLING?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
if you have to ask what a crumpling is you may well be in need of one.
PAGING BRET DALLAS D. TO THE FRONT DESK... BRET DALLAS D., YOUR SERVICES ARE NEEDED AT THE FRONT DESK...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What is a crumpling?
====================
http://www.ubersite.com/u/underoathmeal
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OUCH
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow a +2 from Method! You're a real uber legend man I love reading your comments. What is a crumpling?
Is that something sexually deviant?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus. This was worse than that bit in Marathon Man.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT DENTIST IS IN FOR A CRUMPLING
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MY teeth hurt now.
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That concrete fucked you up pretty good.
Do you have a normal smile?
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not really. my front tooth was chipped and had to be bonded - that bonding over time has yellowed so now the repair is pretty visible.
On top of that, the baby tooth I mentioned had to be pulled, leaving a space for the neighboring teeth to float into over time.
This results in 'gap' teeth in the affected arch if the vacancy is left alone. I'll be discussing a titanium implant in about 30 minutes.
wish me luck.
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That concrete fucked you up pretty good.
Do you have a normal smile?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had an incident involving peanut butter and a dog.
No lives were lost.
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-04-17 12:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH AND BY THE WAY FUCK OFF BEANO AFTER YOU LEAVE YOUR -2 YOU CAN KINDLY GO FUCK YOURSELF.