Why Sleeping With Work Is So Much Fun !!! (964 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -1.32 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MEGACITO (View user info) at 2007-04-17 13:36:23 EDT
So I'm at work thinking about all the things that I could be doing that would be allot more fun than this. Don't get me wrong I know how to pass an eight hour day and make the time count. Contrary to what the fuck offs here on uber think about me , I'm a pretty attractive guy , I'm 6'2" tall , about 185 - 190 lbs,mixed with Jamaican and German, and I work in an office of over 600 people during the day , the majority being women. Not just any women either , unhappily married women ( my favorite ) , there are the girls taking night classes and working full time during the day ( also a huge favorite ) and then there are all the single girls.
Needless to say being in an environment that is so dependant upon working hand in hand with your co-workers , after a period of time you begin to develop relationships with these people. They start off innocent enough. A seat together in the break room , sharing your measly 15 mins break talking about your kids or past jobs. Then things progress to the level of taking you hour long lunches together , laughing about the movie that was on cable last night or telling your relationship secrets in hopes of understanding the opposite sex. In reality the only things these conversations accomplish are providing a steady footing for the flirting that almost always follows.
I may just be lucky or I may have a knack for being in the right place at the right time but in six years , going on seven with my company, I have been fortunate enough to sleep with eight different women that I work / worked with at one time. I have had every kind of sexual adventure here at work that you can imagine.
Sex on the hood of my car during my hour lunch parked behind the local check cashing place with the hot chic from data processing - check
Sex on the roof of my office building with the hot temp security guard as she kept her shirt on because as she so eloquently put it " my titties are so big that when you fuck me from behind the bounce around so much it almost hurts " - check
Sex on the sink of the bathroom on the seventh floor at night when only my floor and one other are in the building, with the married woman from accounting who's husband just bought her a new SUV for Christmas ( which also has man stains from yours truly in the backseat ) been there done that -check
I can go on and on about all the fun that I have had here at work , but at the moment , a new girl just started in the mail room , she's got a tattoo of what appears to be an orchid on her tits and I think that I need a full view to fully appreciate the artists work. So I'm going to work my magic but in the mean time let me leave you with this jewel.
Never ever no matter how tempting it sounds , let your best friends girlfriend that you just so happen to work with talk you into sharing a hotel room with her and her girlfriend from college , because you just may end up getting yourself into a situation where you have to explain to your friends how come your buddy's girlfriend left him when she found out that he had been sleeping with his ex girlfriend... especially since you were the only one that knew ...
man I love women ....
** Afternote ** I know you guys hate it when i post more than once a day , but until they ban me from this site i am going to continue to use uber as i see fit, so start your bitching motors now because like i've said before, i'm here to stay and all your stupid hateful comments give me the drive to piss you off even more. I love the reactions i get from all you fuckheads. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. So buckle up , the ride is just starting.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 10:50:18 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
all you guys are fags , with nothing better to do than post shitty comments that a five year old could come up with. WHAT HAPPENED TO ORIGINALITY AND STYLE ?
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you're genuinely not worth it.
I did like this post however, I wish you would go into more detail about this...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 14:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What would be great.......................
hmmmmm maybe if you were banned........yes that would be great
Submitted by mrs.brenkus06 (user info) at 2007-04-17 14:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 14:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your junk? WTF, strange fat headed fool.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-04-17 14:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how about one shitty post a day, toolbag?
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fat headed fool .. that's funny how'd you know the nickname of my junk ? guess your wife / sister / best friend / or daughter told ya ... silly girls....
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You lost me at "virgin".
And don't bother telling me you didn't write that, because it's written all over this steaming sack of shit.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU MALTESE
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You must feel like such assholes playing right into my hands. geez it must blow to know that your being manipulated by someone half your age. I swear nerds are so fucking predictable , your taking all the fun out of pissing off the fags.
===
you're 13?
and wok in an office?
omgs is beeeen manipulatorz
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
MEGACITO YOU ARE A FAT HEADED FOOL.
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
all you guys are fags , with nothing better to do than post shitty comments that a five year old could come up with. WHAT HAPPENED TO ORIGINALITY AND STYLE ? how many ties can you say fuck off and die ? die faggot ? my eyes are bleeding ? i mean c'mon your becoming so predictable with all the shit , i'm not going anywhere nor do your insults amount to a hill of shit in my world so stfu and read somebodies else's shit if mine doesn't do it for ya ... thanks bitches
^^^
Fuck, always with the NEEDS and what not. Fine.
I hate you, I hate you and your posts. I hate them so much I made a time machine, I found harry winklers mother, cut out his fetus and shoved it down your throat so you may never post again.
*DISCLAIMER*
Harry Winkler kicks ass.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
all you guys are fags , with nothing better to do than post shitty comments that a five year old could come up with. WHAT HAPPENED TO ORIGINALITY AND STYLE ? how many ties can you say fuck off and die ? die faggot ? my eyes are bleeding ? i mean c'mon your becoming so predictable with all the shit , i'm not going anywhere nor do your insults amount to a hill of shit in my world so stfu and read somebodies else's shit if mine doesn't do it for ya ... thanks bitches
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Fuck off and die faggot. My eyes are bleeding.
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was your wife i slept with ... twice , in your bed , and your kids bed , while your dogs watched..
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh wow. the women you describe sound incredibly classy.
so do you, for that matter
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You lost me at German.
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
all you guys are fags , with nothing better to do than post shitty comments that a five year old could come up with. WHAT HAPPENED TO ORIGINALITY AND STYLE ? how many ties can you say fuck off and die ? die faggot ? my eyes are bleeding ? i mean c'mon your becoming so predictable with all the shit , i'm not going anywhere nor do your insults amount to a hill of shit in my world so stfu and read somebodies else's shit if mine doesn't do it for ya ... thanks bitches
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
one more
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Anybody who fucks another mans wife is a piece of shit...period.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
IN TEH BUILDNG WIT DA MAREID WOMAN FROM ACOUNTNG WHOS HUSBAND JUST BOUGHT HER A NU SUV FOR CHRISTMAS ( WHICH ALSO HAS MAN STANES FROM U TRULEY IN DA BAXAAT ) BAN THEYRE DONA TAHT -CH3K
I CAN GO ON AND ON ABOUT AL TEH FUN TAHT I HAEV HAD HERE AT WORK BUT AT TEH MOMANT A NU GIRL JUST STARTAD IN TEH MALE ROM SH3S GOT A TATO OF WUT AP3ARS 2 B AN ORCHID ON HAR TITS AND I THINK TAHT I NED A FUL VEIW 2 FULY APRECIAET TEH ARTISTS WORK!!1!! OMG SO IMA WORK MAH MAGIC BUT IN DA M3AN TIEM LAT M3 LEAEV U WIT THES JAW3L!11!11
N3VER AV3R NO MATER HOW TEMPTNG IT SOUNDS LET UR BST FREINDS GIRLFREIND TAHT U JUST SO HAPEN 2 WORK WIT TOK U IN2 SHARNG A HOTEL ROM WIT HAR AND HER GIRLFREIND FROM COLEG3 B/C U JUST MAY 3ND UP GETNG U IN2 A SITUATION WHARE U HAEV 2 3XPLANE 2 UR FREINDS HOW COM3 UR BUDYS GIRLFREIND LEFT HIM WHEN SH3 FOUND OUT TAHT HA HAD B3N SLEPNG WIT HIS EX GIRLFREIND.!1!!1!11!1!!111!111! OMG WTF 3SPECIALY SINCE U WARE DA ONLEY ONE TAHT KN3W .!1!!!111!111!!1!!1!1! WTF
MAN I LUV WOMAN ..!1!111!1!1!1!1111!!1!!!11 OMG
* AFTERNOT3 * I KNOW U GUYS HAET IT WH3N I POST MORE THAN ONC3 A DAY BUT UNTIL THEY BAN M3 FROM THES SIET IMA CONTINU3 2 UES UBR AS I SE FIT SO
YOU FUCKING SUCK BALLS, TARDO!!!%(%$@707-64367476455^^&&)*&(_&%$@@
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 DIE FAGGOT.
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SO IMM AT WORK THINKNG ABOUT AL TEH THNGS TAHT I CUD B DONG TAHT WUD B ALOT MORA FUN THAN THIS!1!1!!1 OMG WTF LOL DONT GAT M3 WRONG I KNOW HOW 2 PAS AN AIGHT HOUR DAY AND MAEK TEH TIEM COUNT!11!111! LOL CONTRARY 2 WTF OFS H3RE ON UBR THINK ABOUT M3 IMM A PRETY ATRACTIEV GUY IMM 62 TAL ABOUT 185 - 190 LBSMIEXD WIT JMACEAN AND G3RMAN AND I WORK IN AN OFIEC OF OVER 60 P3OPLE DURNG TEH DAY DA MAJORITY BNG WOMEN!!!1!111 OMG NOT JUST ANY WOMAN AITH3R UNHAPILEY MAREID WOMEN ( MAH FAVORIET ) THEYRE R TEH GIRLS TAKNG NIGHT CLASAS AND WORKNG FUL TIEM DURNG DA DAY ( ALSO A HUGE FAVORIET ) AND TH3N THEIR R AL DA SNGLA GIRLS!1111!1 OMG
NEDLES 2 SAY BNG IN AN 3NVIRONMENT TAHT SI SO D3PENDANT UPON WORKNG HAND IN HAND WIT UR CO-WORKERS AFTER A P3RIOD OF TIEM U BGIN 2 DAV3LOP RELATIONSHIPS WIT THESE P3OPLA!!!!1!1!! WTF THEY START OF INOC3NT ENOUGH!111!1 OMG LOL A SEAT 2GETH3R IN TEH BREAK ROM SHARNG UR MEASLEY 15 MINS BREAK TOKNG ABOUT UR KIDS OR PAST JOBS!!11111! THEN THNGS PROGR3S 2 DA LEVEL OF TAKNG U HOUR LONG LUNCH3S 2GETH3R LAUGHNG ABOUT DA MOVEI TAHT WAS ON CABL3 LAST NIGHT OR TELNG UR RALATIONSHIP SECRETS IN HOPES OF UNDARSTANDNG DA OPOSIET SEX!11!!1! WTF IN R3ALITY DA ONLEY THNGS THESE CONVERSATIONS ACOMPLISH R PROVIDNG A ST3ADY FOTNG FOR DA FLIRTNG TAHT ALMOST ALWAYS FOLOWS!!111!! OMG LOL
I MAY JUST B LUKY OR I MAY HAEV A KNAK FOR BNG IN DA RIGHT PLAEC AT TEH RIGHT TIEM BUT IN SIX YEARS GONG ON SAVAN WIT MAH COMPANY I HAEV BAN FORTUNAET ENOUGH 2 SLEP WIT AIGHT DIF3RENT WOM3N TAHT I WORK / WORK3D WIT AT ONA TIEM!!11!1!! WTF I HAEV HAD 3VERY KIND OF SEXUAL ADV3NTURE H3R3 AT WORK TAHT U CAN IMAGIEN!111!11!1 WTF LOL
S3X ON TEH HOD OF MAH CAR DURNG MAH HOUR LUNCH PARK3D BHIND DA LOCAL CHEK CASHNG PLAEC WIT DA HOT CHIC FROM DATA PROCESNG - CHEK
S3X ON TEH ROF OF MAH OFIEC BUILDNG WIT DA HOT TEMP SACURITY GUARD AS SHE K3PT HAR SHIRT ON B/C AS SHE SO ELOQUENTLEY PUT IT MAH TITEIS R SO BIG TAHT WH3N U FUK ME FROM BHIND TEH BOUNCE AROUND SO MUCH IT ALMOST HURTS - CHAK
SEX ON TEH SINK OF DA BATHROM ON TEH SEVENTH FLOR AT NIGHT WHEN ONLEY MAH FLOR AND ONE OTH3R R IN TEH BUILDNG WIT DA MAREID WOMAN FROM ACOUNTNG WHOS HUSBAND JUST BOUGHT HER A NU SUV FOR CHRISTMAS ( WHICH ALSO HAS MAN STANES FROM U TRULEY IN DA BAXAAT ) BAN THEYRE DONA TAHT -CH3K
I CAN GO ON AND ON ABOUT AL TEH FUN TAHT I HAEV HAD HERE AT WORK BUT AT TEH MOMANT A NU GIRL JUST STARTAD IN TEH MALE ROM SH3S GOT A TATO OF WUT AP3ARS 2 B AN ORCHID ON HAR TITS AND I THINK TAHT I NED A FUL VEIW 2 FULY APRECIAET TEH ARTISTS WORK!!1!! OMG SO IMA WORK MAH MAGIC BUT IN DA M3AN TIEM LAT M3 LEAEV U WIT THES JAW3L!11!11
N3VER AV3R NO MATER HOW TEMPTNG IT SOUNDS LET UR BST FREINDS GIRLFREIND TAHT U JUST SO HAPEN 2 WORK WIT TOK U IN2 SHARNG A HOTEL ROM WIT HAR AND HER GIRLFREIND FROM COLEG3 B/C U JUST MAY 3ND UP GETNG U IN2 A SITUATION WHARE U HAEV 2 3XPLANE 2 UR FREINDS HOW COM3 UR BUDYS GIRLFREIND LEFT HIM WHEN SH3 FOUND OUT TAHT HA HAD B3N SLEPNG WIT HIS EX GIRLFREIND.!1!!1!11!1!!111!111! OMG WTF 3SPECIALY SINCE U WARE DA ONLEY ONE TAHT KN3W .!1!!!111!111!!1!!1!1! WTF
MAN I LUV WOMAN ..!1!111!1!1!1!1111!!1!!!11 OMG
* AFTERNOT3 * I KNOW U GUYS HAET IT WH3N I POST MORE THAN ONC3 A DAY BUT UNTIL THEY BAN M3 FROM THES SIET IMA CONTINU3 2 UES UBR AS I SE FIT SO START UR BITCHNG MO2RS NOW B/C LIEK IVE SADE BFORE IMM H3RE 2 STAY AND AL UR STUPID HAETFUL COMANTS GIEV M3 DA DRIEV 2 PIS U OF AV3N MORA!1!11!1! WTF LOL I LUV TEH REACTIONS I G3T FROM AL U FUKH3ADS!1111111 OMG LOL U KNOW WHO U AER!!!!!!!1! OMG WTF SO BUKLE UP TEH RIED SI JUST STARTNG!11!11!1 LOL
Kudos to whoever posted the link the that site. I abuse this all the time, outside of uber.
Submitted by MEGACITO (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You must feel like such assholes playing right into my hands. geez it must blow to know that your being manipulated by someone half your age. I swear nerds are so fucking predictable , your taking all the fun out of pissing off the fags.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yeah okay sparky.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y HELO THAR BUTTSEKS
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
tudly a werk of fiction
Submitted by BadSamaritan87 (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Feel free to stick your *Afternote* up your *Ass.*
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-04-17 13:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Another chapter from 'Here is your shit-filled life'.
Those that can, do. Those that can't, post it on a website.