Finding the Perfect Tramp (841 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: love, slore, sex, tramp, prostitution
Rating: 1.63 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MegaManfre (View user info) at 2007-04-18 09:21:55 EDT
Its so difficult to find a good girl worth dating now-a-days. You can hardly find a girl you can bring home to mom, and not feel too much shame afterwards. But its even harder to find a tramp worth staying with.
That might sound confusing, saying its hard to find a decent girl you can bring home to mom, and then saying its even harder finding a tramp to stay with. I have good reason for that. I dont like normal chicks. Ive had bad experiences with the decent girls. First and foremost, theyre usually boring in bed. Only missionary, wont blow ya, wont swallow, not into titty fucking, they spaz if you suggest anal, and frown upon use of toys. I mean, why bother date a girl who wont give a blumpkin? I mean, its totally pointless.
I like a girl that can suck chrome off a trailer hitch, or suck a bowling ball through 10 feet of hose. Im talking the scandalous chicks, the ones that you dont wanna bring home to mom, cause you really dont. You just wanna go somewhere with them, whether a parking lot, their place, seedy hotel, driving around, and just fuck them rotten.
Ive decided to start searching for the perfect tramp. The tramp that will do just about anything sexually, and yet, still be presentable. No more crack whores, no more hookers, no more strippers (well, never say never to hookers and strippers) and no more good ol gals. Just a tramp, that doesnt look like a tramp. Youre undercover tramp, if you will.
Ive made this decision due to my awesomely super dee duper great luck with girls. You know, Ive had so many wonderfully successful relationships, that I know Im going about it the right way. Yeah, and I shit gold bricks too. Wait, hold on, I feel another million coming on...False alarm, it was just a turd. Anyway, my luck with women could be viewed, by some, as a complete and utter disaster worse than that of Auschwitz. Thats right, Im comparing my luck with women, to the holocaust. Why? Because theyre pretty similar. Holocaust killed a lot of Jews, I date a lot of Jews and wanna kill them (Id bet my soul that the Holocaust was started cause some Jew broad hurt Hitler), every chick Ive dated stole my freedom, much like Hitler stole the freedom of the Jews. So, as you can see, my relationships and the Holocaust are pretty much a mirror image of one another. I mean, the similarities are just uncanny. You cant deny it. Stop trying to.
Its been a long time joke with my friends "If youre crazy, MegaManfre will find you. Hell find you, and hell date you. Long and hard, regardless if you like it or not. Its inevitable." I used to laugh and shrug it off. Then I realized its true. Ive yet to date a sane chick. Ive banged sane ones (for the most part) and thats it. I realize now, Im not destined to date the normal ones. The ones that you can actually talk to. But Im better off finding a tramp. The kinda girl you see walking down the street, and if you smile or say hi to her, shell suck you off right there.
You would actually be amazed at how difficult it is to find a tramp worth dating. I mean, who would have guessed theyd all be unfaithful whores? Ive gone everywhere. Online dating, strip clubs, Atlantic City boardwalk, street corners, crack houses. You name it, Ive been there trying to find her. Trying to find my perfect tramp.
User Reviews
Submitted by guitarjunky421 (user info) at 2007-04-20 11:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
try and find one with no diseases or is that half the fun playing russian roulette with your package
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-18 23:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is your apostrophe key broken?
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-04-18 15:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me know when you find her so I get a go at her when you are at work one day. I also have some chrome I need removed.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-04-18 15:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go for it! Connect 4!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-18 15:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Piss off Orgasmoron: +2 this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/100833
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2007-04-18 15:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gotta chick for ya. Her name's Missy and she's a little chunky but they say chunky chicks try harder....
How're you?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-18 14:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should totally purchase an Asian.
I bet they're going for half price now, considering the VT tragedy.
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-04-18 14:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny.
I'd toss you an apostrophe, though.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure you can find some other guy's wife on craigslist.
Open relationship. Can host or travel. Sub ISO a tender dom. No Asians. That sort of thing.
Unless you're Asian, in which case you're better off trying to buy a woman off an internet site.
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Ive thought bout buying an Asian online. I just want a chick thats kinky as hell and will rock my world. Fucking Jersey blows, cant find shit out here. Really need to start dating strippers again or something.
*sigh*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure you can find some other guy's wife on craigslist.
Open relationship. Can host or travel. Sub ISO a tender dom. No Asians. That sort of thing.
Unless you're Asian, in which case you're better off trying to buy a woman off an internet site.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cho's girlfriend is now available.
I hear she's trampy/loony-tunes.
perfect for ya!
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Didnt he kill her? I thought she was in the first pair of people he killed. Like he found her banging her new guy, and he shot em both or something like that.
I also heard he had like an imaginary girlfriend. Ive only been half hearing everything going on with this twit on the radio at work.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cho's girlfriend is now available.
I hear she's trampy/loony-tunes.
perfect for ya!
Submitted by richardcranium (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hell find you, and hell date you.
I read this 3 times and still trying to figure it out. Why is hell so apt to find a chick, and date it? That damn hell.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you Drogo. I will add you to my drinking rounds when I finally get over to your crummy ol'island.
--
Cool!!
Less of the Crummy though; this place has it's moments like .......um.........well.......what about meeting in Venice instead?
Right off to drink. Hoorah!
"Yes lovely pint of cold beer I'm coming stop being so impatient"
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I thought you brits drank your beer piss warm?
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo, get your stereotyping right - you can marry at 15 in some parts of the south, not have multiply marriages.
Silly Briton.
And thank you for your proposals. Please send your credit card number, including expiration date, your full, current address, and a current picture of yourself to mygnnss123.at.hotmail.com. Your approval or rejection will be sent to you within 5 business days and as always, I thank you for your business.
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Add me as a friend on Myspace. I know you have it. Everyone does.
myspace.com/megamanfre and to add me, my last names manfre.
I have a lot of pics from the very first Ubercon in Atlantic City from back in 04 I think. Maybe it was 03. I dunno, I turned 21 that year, and Im 24, gonna be 25 in December, so you do the math, Im tired of math.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I have at least 6 cards with the 1-800 "call to activate" stickers still on them.
BTW...Hilton Head Island is on the way to EVERYWHERE. But maybe we can meet halfway.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, sounds like you have worse luck with women than I do. I didn't think that was possible.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you Drogo. I will add you to my drinking rounds when I finally get over to your crummy ol'island.
--
Cool!!
Less of the Crummy though; this place has it's moments like .......um.........well.......what about meeting in Venice instead?
Right off to drink. Hoorah!
"Yes lovely pint of cold beer I'm coming stop being so impatient"
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The platinum one, Shlong. Duh.
Hey, send me a couple of'm if you're feelin' generous.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you Drogo. I will add you to my drinking rounds when I finally get over to your crummy ol'island.
Shlogster, unfortunately Hilton Head is a wee bit of a trip for me after work. Besides, have you seen the price of gas lately? Not everyone is as rich, successful, and handsome as you are.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHICH credit card?
I think I have around 40. No shit.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo, get your stereotyping right - you can marry at 15 in some parts of the south, not have multiply marriages.
Silly Briton.
And thank you for your proposals. Please send your credit card number, including expiration date, your full, current address, and a current picture of yourself to mygnnss123.at.hotmail.com. Your approval or rejection will be sent to you within 5 business days and as always, I thank you for your business.
--
I do have a suitably chastised face on I promise. I will do better research when I attempt to Stereotype next time.
Picture will be posted with religion sign up post tomorrow.
And I'm not falling for the credit card thing
again.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Hilarity...what are you doing today after work?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another +2 b/c I can seem to use correct tense, words, or spelling today.
Submitted by Kurfsec (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Describes me perfectly. Undercover tramp. AND clean. How 'bout them apples!
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo, get your stereotyping right - you can marry at 15 in some parts of the south, not have multiply marriages.
Silly Briton.
And thank you for your proposals. Please send your credit card number, including expiration date, your full, current address, and a current picture of yourself to mygnnss123.at.hotmail.com. Your approval or rejection will be sent to you within 5 business days and as always, I thank you for your business.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
never is just reven backwards
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha I just looked at that Temple web page. This religion looks wicked got to "We know that Jesus smokes weed." and pissed myself.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha @ Drogo. Dude, I don't even know how to respond to that.
It all comes down to being comfortable with what you like in bed. I don't see what the problem with be adventurous is. I mean, shit, I'd be bored outta my mind if some dude wanted to do missionary all the time and wouldn't let me suck his dick like I was suck starting a vacuum.
--------
:)
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fuck that then. I want the booze, sex (lots of please *keeps fingers crossed that one day...), drugs don't bother me but have I mentioned the booze and sex yet?
Hmmmmm I feel a cult needs to be formed.
-------
I'm in. When are sign ups?
--
Sign up post tomorrow. I need to get some serious drink inside me to get this 'New Religion' right.
*Goes online to see if there are any farms for sale with big arse barns in Waco Texas*
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fuck that then. I want the booze, sex (lots of please *keeps fingers crossed that one day...), drugs don't bother me but have I mentioned the booze and sex yet?
Hmmmmm I feel a cult needs to be formed.
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I think we tried getting a religion started on Uber a really really long time ago. I think it was aroudn the time they had the South Park episode where they tried to get tax exemption for their religion and tried drowning themselves in the Washington DC reflecting pool lol.
Ive totally wanted to start my own religion. Id call it Manfreism, kind of like Mormonism (look up mormon beliefs, its like total bullshit, and totally hilarious) and It would be on the same level, except prostitution, drugs and alcohol would all be allowed.
www.temple420.com or www.temple420.org or .net I cant remember which, lets you carry pot legally lol. Freedom of religion is an awesome thing!
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great post!
The perfect tramp can be found here...
maxinedenning.at.hotmail.com
WHORE
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fuck that then. I want the booze, sex (lots of please *keeps fingers crossed that one day...), drugs don't bother me but have I mentioned the booze and sex yet?
Hmmmmm I feel a cult needs to be formed.
-------
I'm in. When are sign ups?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fuck that then. I want the booze, sex (lots of please *keeps fingers crossed that one day...), drugs don't bother me but have I mentioned the booze and sex yet?
Hmmmmm I feel a cult needs to be formed.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha @ Drogo. Dude, I don't even know how to respond to that.
It all comes down to being comfortable with what you like in bed. I don't see what the problem with be adventurous is. I mean, shit, I'd be bored outta my mind if some dude wanted to do missionary all the time and wouldn't let me suck his dick like I was suck starting a vacuum.
Draco is kinda right with the southern girl thing. We're taught manners and how to act appropriately from an early age. The accent helps too :)
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Marry me?
--
Shit that's what I was going to say too.
Aren't there certain parts of the 'South' that allow multiple marriages; if so can we move there.
Pardon my ingnorance in this; I am but a small person from a useless Island.
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You wouldnt happen to be from Staten Island would you?
Youre thinking Mormon. Mormons allow a guy to marry like a hundred chicks. You just cant drink, or get high or have any kind of fun.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha @ Drogo. Dude, I don't even know how to respond to that.
It all comes down to being comfortable with what you like in bed. I don't see what the problem with be adventurous is. I mean, shit, I'd be bored outta my mind if some dude wanted to do missionary all the time and wouldn't let me suck his dick like I was suck starting a vacuum.
Draco is kinda right with the southern girl thing. We're taught manners and how to act appropriately from an early age. The accent helps too :)
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Marry me?
--
Shit that's what I was going to say too.
Aren't there certain parts of the 'South' that allow multiple marriages; if so can we move there.
Pardon my ingnorance in this; I am but a small person from a useless Island.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha @ Drogo. Dude, I don't even know how to respond to that.
It all comes down to being comfortable with what you like in bed. I don't see what the problem with be adventurous is. I mean, shit, I'd be bored outta my mind if some dude wanted to do missionary all the time and wouldn't let me suck his dick like I was suck starting a vacuum.
Draco is kinda right with the southern girl thing. We're taught manners and how to act appropriately from an early age. The accent helps too :)
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Marry me?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha @ Drogo. Dude, I don't even know how to respond to that.
It all comes down to being comfortable with what you like in bed. I don't see what the problem with be adventurous is. I mean, shit, I'd be bored outta my mind if some dude wanted to do missionary all the time and wouldn't let me suck his dick like I was suck starting a vacuum.
Draco is kinda right with the southern girl thing. We're taught manners and how to act appropriately from an early age. The accent helps too :)
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Southern girls dude. Southern girls.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to find yourself a retired slut.
She carries all the sexual prowess of a slut, but is reformed now to be a presentable lady. She'll be a slut for just you and you can take her home to your mom b/c she isn't a slut outwardly any longer.
--
This sounds Ideal.
Just a few things though: Has she been tested? Is she off the crack? Will sex only be allowed in 30 minute slots or do I get to take my time? Does she have to bring the big black dude with the terrible clothing to bed everytime?
Also is there a special home where they live that I can visit?
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two of my closest friends have pretty much given up on normal women too, one is a lesbian the other a manwhore. They know why they do what they do though, crazies will bang like bunnies and when you want to bang her again she will make you work through her maze of craziness to get some again. And they will let you do stuff like fuck em in the ear. Whereas nice girls, they want to care about you, "make love", cuddle.
Crazy all the way.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to find yourself a retired slut.
She carries all the sexual prowess of a slut, but is reformed now to be a presentable lady. She'll be a slut for just you and you can take her home to your mom b/c she isn't a slut outwardly any longer.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If youre crazy, MegaManfre will find you
No, the crazy finds you....after it has lead you to believe that it is perfectly normal. No! They must wait until you are firmly in their grasp, and then.........
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My girl loves anal, but she won't swallow. Imagine that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-18 09:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For no real reason.