Inspiration (461 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Fiction
Rating: 1.57 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2007-04-18 10:18:56 EDT
The darkness consumed him, ushering in memories of his youth. They billowed through his consciousness, raged about his skull in a storm. All of the images, vivid and alive, brutally assaulted him like tiny shards of glass carving into his senses. He could smell the stink of fear on him and and hear the footsteps echoing in rhythm down the hallway. Feel the texture of his thin, worn blanket clutched in his trembling hands and taste bile rising in his throat once again. The past was dragging him back and...
Brandon stopped writing and stared at the computer screen.
That paragraph was shit.
He had openly described each sense with a cliched standard. It had started out okay, but then he had let it slide. Sighing, Brandon scanned most of the paragraph with his mouse and hit delete. Perhaps he should think of some different, more non-traditional metaphors. No, better not to go into each sensation to begin with.
Brandon leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face hard with his hands. This story was proving more difficult that he had anticipated. What did he know about childhood molestation? His parents had been awesome. Yet, the idea was solid and he wanted to see it finished.
Downing the remains of his tepid coffee from his favorite mug, he then lit up another cigarette and thought about the tale. It was to be a twisted story of retribution with a time loop, forever trapping the predator in the mind of the victim. It had seemed like a good concept at the time, but now Brandon began to consider otherwise. The more he thought about it, the more R rated "Twilight Zoney" it sounded.
He needed some inspiration.
Finishing his smoke, he butted it out in the overflowing ashtray and got to his feet. As he left the back room he had turned into his office, he idly thought about his parents. Both had been dead for a few years now, their old house left to him. His siblings had wanted to sell the home, but he had bought out their shares, expressing a desire to live in the old large farmhouse. Brandon thought his mom and dad would have been pleased to know a member of the family still resided in the place.
Down the hallway, Brandon turned right and came to a door beside the kitchen. Opening it, he flipped on the light right inside and went down the steps into the basement. The dull glow illuminated the sandstone slab walls and cement floor that was over one hundred years old. An ancient sink stood in one corner next to the water heater and the furnace. Shelves lined one side of the room, filled with Christmas decoration and other assorted items. Beside it was a heavy locked door.
Brandon unlocked the door and breathed in the faint bitter scent of quicklime, letting it tingle his nose. He checked the air purifier, making sure the filter didn't need replacing and then tapped along the sealed seams of the sound proofing his father had put up along the windows when this had once been his woodshop. Finally, he donned a medical mask to go over to the wooden boards on the floor and push them back. Brandon looked down at the rotting sludge, giving a quick nod in approval.
Turning back to the matter at hand, he removed the mask and began to take off his clothing. Placing them all folded neatly on the bench near the far wall, he sat down beside them. Brandon sighed as he stared into the vacant eyes that looked back at him from the floor.
Too long. She was quite dead.
Breathing in the quicklime for any extended period would kill a person. Usually it took about a week. This one had passed faster than that. Or had she? Brandon tried to remember when he had taken her, but he had been so wrapped up in his writing recently, he honestly couldn't place the exact date. Oh well, she would still help him.
He climbed down and laid next to the body. She had been stripped and placed on the floor, her hands chained above her head to the wall opposite the quicklime pit, her feet chained right in front of it. He had been careful not to make her bleed out too much, he had learned that through past experiences. Small techniques could be employed, such as heating up the scalpel with a blowtorch to a white hot so that it cauterized flesh as it sliced. Simple things like safety pins, which Brandon now pulled out of the lips of the deceased.
He had purposely left them there because she wouldn't stop screaming after he had asked her to.
The pins pulled out of the mouth, he randomly stuck them deep into the unfeeling arm of the body to get them out of the way. Brandon ran his hand over the body, feeling the stiff flesh, caressing a nipple then letting his fingers trail down to between the legs. She hadn't been dead long, only a few hours at the most. Brandon regretted not getting down here sooner, the living answer question so much better than the dead.
He reached out and took her head, his hand wrapped in her brown curls, and brought her face to his. Brandon's mouth found hers and he kissed deeply, tasting her death. He licked at the dried blood that caked her lips and chin, biting at a bit of skin that he had flayed off on her cheek. Pulling back, he stared into her dead, blank eyes.
"What can you tell me?" Brandon whispered.
He lay there for about fifteen more minutes, barely moving except for a hand that slowly ran fingers up and down the torso of the body, his eyes never looking away. Finally, a smile began to spread across his face and he leaned in, kissing the corpse again with passion. He smoothed her hair back out of her face, revealing the mangled ear he had removed.
"Thank you," he whispered to the dead.
Getting to his feet, he began to dress. He would have to get back down here soon and unshackle the body, roll it into the pit and cover it with quicklime. Another replacement would have to be sought out soon, as well. But for now, Brandon had writing to do, he had found his inspiration.
And all writers need to find something that inspires them now and again...
User Reviews
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-04-19 04:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
think happy thots....
think happy thots....
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-18 21:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-04-18 18:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-18 16:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"He reached out and took her head, his hand wrapped in her brown curls, and brought her face to his. Brandon's mouth found hers and he kissed deeply, tasting her death. He licked at the dried blood that caked her lips and chin, biting at a bit of skin that he had flayed off on her cheek. Pulling back, he stared into her dead, blank eyes."
...
...
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-04-18 16:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-18 15:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poor lisa.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-18 15:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Piss off Orgasmoron: +2 this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/100833
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-04-18 14:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dang
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very well written, but I think the length precludes development and thus any real emotional resonance.
It's like the difference in a horror film like Saw versus something like The Exorcist.
Both are enjoyable, of course. But only one is truly effective on an emotional level.
It's nice when you post your longer stuff, even if it has to be broken up for this site.
I hope you got Final Draft.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY
TILL THE END OF TIME
WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY
ALWAYS ON MY MIND
NO ONE NEEDS YOU MORE THAN I
MORE THAN I
YOU'RE THE MEANING IN MY LIFE
YOUUUUUUU'RE THE INSPIRAAAAAAAAAAAATION
YOU BRING FEELING TO MY LIFE
YOUUUUUUU'RE THE INSPIRAAAAAAAAAAAATION...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh -2!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-04-18 12:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
boring.
same old shit.
psycho. kidnap. rape dead bodies.
blah. blah. blah.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn good; and that picture disturbed me.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-04-18 11:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This wasn't my favorite post of yours, but I realize you can't develop them in one shot as well as in a series. *sigh* I just want that to happen, but then it'd be too long and blah blah blah.
The picture was disturbing enough to get a +2. I found it more disturbing than the post.
So there is my $0.02, which at the rate of Uberinflation will be worth exactly zip by the time I hit "rank".
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, whatever floats your boat. Disturbingly good.
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It could have used some more depth, but if you were aiming to disturb, you got a bullseye.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
I feel ill.
Much better than your last post.
The picture made me wince. I'd have given you a +2 just for that, but this truly rocked.
...
I'm starting to feel threatened by your writing ability.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-04-18 10:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your set-list:
italics
crappy story
lame attachment
no encore!