SUPA- The Reincarnation (670 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.73 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Whore of Babylon (View user info) at 2007-04-23 19:39:03 EDT
The Reincarnation
Cynthia Russell's hands are smooth,
Unlined, free of blemish, the kind of hands
You see in magazine ads, holding a wine glass,
Or wearing a Gucchi watch on a slender wrist.
Her nails are perfect too . . . too perfect,
Painted the color of blood
And shining like a puddle of it.
Cynthia Russell holds a pen.
It slashes the words as if they were throats.
She makes me think of India,
She should have four arms,
And a pen in each hand, dripping red ink,
Like the blood of many writers.
I think she drinks it.
Cynthia Russell's eyes don't rise.
"Is there something else you wanted?"
She asks. I realize I have been staring.
Cynthia Russell goes back to her war
With the page, and I turn tail
And retreat to the door.
Krishna would be ashamed.
By Christ I am no Arjuna,
I just bring the coffee.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-26 08:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mad props to all Round 3 contestants. Best round of entries yet, lots of great reading!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-26 00:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really wish someone had caught the Dugan reference.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-26 00:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't really feel like I should have gotten this far, but thanks Coleslaw. For the record, I liked your poem better than my own.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-26 00:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good show, Anansie.
Don't dread the next round too much.
Come at them with a body slam, or some other such wrestling analogy (I can't pretend to have watched it much since I was a little guy eating my vitamins and saying my prayers).
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-25 23:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only have time to rate. All apologies. Comments to follow tomorrow. I suck, I blow, etc.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it. At first I felt like I was supposed to know Cynthia, but now I don't think so- I just may have known people with her attributes. I like the chance you take with very simple language that still manages to be descriptive and effective. I'm not an expert on poetry, but I like your style.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-25 17:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hope thats not a camwhore
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mr_Burns (user info) at 2007-04-25 10:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-24 21:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate the feedback, gofer. Now I will stop reviewing my post, since I feel like I've reviewed it too much already.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-24 20:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mille grazzi, O calm and clever Whore of Babylon.
Because I'm reading Bukowski and you asked and I'm in a good mood and I've got nothing better to do really and I like to do it, I am going to provide criticism with my sincere rating. Hopefully helpful criticism.
1st- You chose a name that was too dull for your purposes. You didn't want something exotic, but Cynthia Russell just sounds like a Librarian, and you wanted sexy but intimidating businesslady.
2nd- You shouldn't be using her name in full every time. I like where you're going with it, and it's a smart idea and it sometimes works, but in a piece this small, it takes up a lot of space ineffectively. It works the first time, but subsequent times become too much too rapidly.
3rd- You were too vague on your mythology. I think it would have helped if you brought it in either stronger or earlier or both. Definitely one or the other, because 'it makes me think of India' is a sort of weak image that *to my reading* calls to mind more of an image of, well India (vast masses of brown people living in poverty and outsourced tech services jobs)
4th- You straddled the line between prosepoem and and free verse and beat, which is crazy because that's three things, and you only have two feet. Anyway, you didn't achieve any of it. I'd like to see you be more honest to the subject matter... beat would be most interesting, and with people like Kerouac and Ginsberg delving into Buddhism, Hinduism, and making their own Sutras, there's definitely a precedent, but free verse is the strongest presence and most easy route to take.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-24 19:50:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is where I correct that typo I made earlier. Obviously, I meant to say "your."
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-24 19:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyway if people are scared to rate this because they don't want to hurt my feelings... to them I say I'd rather have an honest assessment and decent feedback than a +2 anyway, and if my feelings got hurt because someone didn't like something I posted that would be pretty fucking pathetic.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-24 19:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's fine. I've had a lot of schoolwork going on and haven't been able to devote enough time to this contest. Nothing I've posted has been what I would consider my best. Gofer, you deserve to win in my opinion. You're behavior and posts have both been stellar.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-24 19:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1.5 then
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-24 19:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for Kali.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-24 19:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't actually work on this as hard as you guys seem to think.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-24 18:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 13:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So a 1.5 is my rating, for now. As gofer said, it is evident that you worked hard at this, and I reward effort accordingly.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 13:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to resist the urge to rate this on the picture...which is captivating.
This was an interesting read, but I felt it was a bit too cluttered with unnecessary words. For example, the "or" in the fourth line, the first "too" in line five, and "of it" in line six.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-23 22:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations on not giving up.
Bonus points for a solid effort.
I'm not going to claim that poetry is your strong suit, but it isn't bad and you worked at it, and I like the picture and the meaning
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-23 21:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-04-23 19:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If people had blue skin that would be weird.
**********
And if you understood that this is a CONTEST, you wouldn't be so weird... scratch that.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-04-23 21:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-23 20:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this.
______________
Me too, although it seems I liked it a bit more.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-23 20:20:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-23 20:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-04-23 19:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If people had blue skin that would be weird.