SUPA R3: Necropolis (623 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: SUPA_07
Rating: 1.42 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2007-04-24 09:09:17 EDT
Deteriorating in silence
Awaiting resurrection
The deceased plot their recrudescence
Whilst yearning to leave the land of no return
Yea, as they descend into the underworld
Stripped of clothing and humility
Death portends with a watchful eye
And demands adherence to the rites of ancient lore
Offering no explanation or promise of resurrection
Erishkigal admits each entrant to her fold
With unequivocal assurance of affinity
As she prepares a cup of providence for the damned
In a sudden flash of lightning
Ishtar sweeps the chalices to the ground
And, unveiling her earthen cloak,
Usurps the throne of her uterine kin
Ousted for a mere mortal moment,
Annunaki is summoned
To mete out a death sentence
Unto the insurgent agnate
Transformed into decaying viande,
Ishtar hangs from the bedchamber
Of her dear sister Ereshkigal
A green-tinged mass of memories
And a solemn peace once again
Envelops the necropolis
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-04-26 11:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
apparently not as my score didn't bump it over the edge. (i went and checked)
good enough to satisfy any little niggling guilt i may have felt.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-04-26 10:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, sorry i was late in rating this. i read both yours and joeys yeaterday and enjoyed this one more (no offense to your opponent of course).
sorry if it was my lack of rating that prevented you from being able to contiunue in this contest.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-26 08:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And really, thorny, there's no need to be a martyr about being honest. It's the right thing to do, and the whole "keeps biting you in the ass" thing sort of takes away from the supposed intent. I thought so in the other round too, but I opted not to comment. With or without the thesaurus comment, people will take from it what they will, you know? I hope this doesn't sound too harsh; I'm tired and just in a blatantly honest mood I guess.
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Fair enough. I was tired last night and when I logged on from home (which I rarely do) late evening to check the numbers, I just got crabby and pissy when I should have just let it go. Foolproof, my apologies for that. As an artist I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve a lot.
All in all, it was a very close match between Joey and I, and he spends a lot more time writing on here than I do, so I wish him the best of luck and my hat is off to him for round 4.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-25 23:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-25 23:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only have time to rate. All apologies. Comments to follow tomorrow. I suck, I blow, etc.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And really, thorny, there's no need to be a martyr about being honest. It's the right thing to do, and the whole "keeps biting you in the ass" thing sort of takes away from the supposed intent. I thought so in the other round too, but I opted not to comment. With or without the thesaurus comment, people will take from it what they will, you know? I hope this doesn't sound too harsh; I'm tired and just in a blatantly honest mood I guess.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 13:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Incidentally, the only three words I used a thesaurus for were recrudescence, agnate, and viande. Strictly for the sole purpose that I was having trouble mentally conjuring up elegant adjectives of resurrection, sister, and meat, respectively, and felt that such crude base words would detract from the rest of the poem.
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I'm not often turned off by big words, but these seemed so forced they were distracting. I had a difficult time following because between those words and the other references I was unfamiliar with, I couldn't piece much together. But my ignorance isn't your fault, and it was obviously a good effort.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-25 16:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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dude, you are such a fucking dork. gank had you pegged when he called you out on the last round post.
retal -2ing for a legitimate rating? your opponents piece was better than yours, so i rated accordingly. even were this piece NOT in a competition, I would barely award it a zero.
grow up and quit being such a fucking crybaby.
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Legitimate rating? BULLSHIT. You're a fucking ALTER for Chris'sakes. Were you a legit user I would not care. But based on the kind of crap that Shlongy pulled with all of the alters, I don't tolerate it on my posts.
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-25 16:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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dude, you are such a fucking dork. gank had you pegged when he called you out on the last round post.
retal -2ing for a legitimate rating? your opponents piece was better than yours, so i rated accordingly. even were this piece NOT in a competition, I would barely award it a zero.
grow up and quit being such a fucking crybaby.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your opponents was better.
~FoolProof
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What the fuck? I thought you were "laying this account to rest."
Whatever...fuck it, it's just a silly contest.
Submitted by NoMeD (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your opponents was better.
~FoolProof
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-25 13:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Mr_Burns (user info) at 2007-04-25 13:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm, not bad, but looking up big words seems a bit heebie jeebie to me...
should have kept it to yourself.
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Using an alter to influence an internet poetry contest seems a bit heebie jeebie to me.
Submitted by Mr_Burns (user info) at 2007-04-25 13:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm, not bad, but looking up big words seems a bit heebie jeebie to me...
should have kept it to yourself.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-25 11:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-04-25 10:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Admitting that you used a thesaurus for them makes those three words seem even MORE out of place.
It's not like you needed a word to rhyme or fit a meter.
And I get that you "felt that such crude base words would detract from the rest of the poem", but so also do pretentious uncommon words.
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....and once again, honesty bites me in the arse for SUPA. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson from the previous round.
Nonetheless, I make no apologies for being blatantly open and honest about my writing. I still hold high hopes that being truthful will allow the fates to shine favorably upon me in the end.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-04-25 10:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-04-25 10:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Admitting that you used a thesaurus for them makes those three words seem even MORE out of place.
It's not like you needed a word to rhyme or fit a meter.
And I get that you "felt that such crude base words would detract from the rest of the poem", but so also do pretentious uncommon words.
Sister would work much better than agnate, where you used it.
As for resurrection and meat? Yes, use different words, but not the ones you did.
Otherwise, great writing.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-04-24 21:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Party on Wayne!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-24 21:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree that recrudescence is a bit over the top, but I enjoyed this.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-24 20:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't meanto be an asshole, but the use of the word "recrudescence" in a poem
was just way over the top. Sorry...
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-24 18:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy big words batman!
I learneded sumptin' todays.
Wicked poem, dude.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2007-04-24 14:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, thanks for the camera recommendation. i think i'm gonna get the SD600...it's prettier. hah
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 13:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But to each his own. At least I wrote something new this time. :)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 13:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Incidentally, the only three words I used a thesaurus for were recrudescence, agnate, and viande. Strictly for the sole purpose that I was having trouble mentally conjuring up elegant adjectives of resurrection, sister, and meat, respectively, and felt that such crude base words would detract from the rest of the poem.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 13:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nitty - poetry need not necessarily rhyme, Penoz-sabi.
Zebes - I hear ya on the bloodlust. It was either a long epic tale with a descriptive battle that would rival the Iliad for length, or a short and succinct version. I opted for the latter.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2007-04-24 12:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Seemed you tried way too hard to use big words.
Reading it made my head hurt, but that might just be last night's bourbon.
And it didn't rhyme.
+1 for the numerous paper cuts you must have suffered at the hands of that nasty thesaurus.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-24 12:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-24 12:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate needing reference books to review.
This was nicely done, but a little bloodless for my taste.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-24 10:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome.
I was kinda hoping you'd forgotten to post or something.
I'm prepared to be slaughtered.
Think of it as retribution for our UM4 matchup!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-04-24 10:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...._...._
...(o)..(o)..__Big words confuse skrapmetal.
.....<oo>.../
....______./
....\____/
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-24 10:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Party on, Garth
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 10:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-24 10:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you my opponent, or is Coley? I'm so confused
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coley is your opponent. I'm competing against JoeyG, which was determined after Shlongy and Circe withdrew from the comp. Other than our particular matchup, the rest of the bracket stayed the same as when O first posted it.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-24 10:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you my opponent, or is Coley? I'm so confused
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-24 09:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Recrudescence!
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-04-24 09:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of Ishtar related poetry.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-04-24 09:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-04-24 09:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol u tk him 2da bar|?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-24 09:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Round 3 hub: http://www.ubersite.com/m/100899
This poem is based on the ancient story of the Babylonian goddess Ishtar and her descent into the necropolis ruled by sister Erishkigal; Ishtar's failed attempt at usurping the throne was immediately followed by the seven demon-gods Annunkani sentencing her to death.
As with any poem based on classical mythology, there is much more that preceeds and succeeds this excerpt of the story, and I strongly encourage anyone interested to check out the entire tale. It's a fascinating glimpse into Mesopotamian mythology, and more specifically the Assyrian and Babylonian interpretations, in this case.