Playful and Capricious Fates (SUPA - Round 3) (465 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.59 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (View user info) at 2007-04-24 23:48:22 EDT
Under the mirthful eyes of playful Fates
I was spun as one of the fortunates
Nobility undeserved, yet bequeathed
The birthrights of a patrician
Though born simple as the rest of the plebes
An audience from Clotho requested
With first words to posit her a question:
"From which humble reposed beggar's garment
Was I formed a senator's robe?
Tell me how I rose from those departed."
A mere mortal, my words met with silence
I bowed, without answers to comply with
Nor meaning, 'cept gratitude to practice
The art of serving my servants
To be measured longer by Lachesis
As it seemed, the Fates smiled upon my life
Seven healthy children, one healthy wife
With dreams made, my stature and title set
Lasting greatness began to fade
When gratitude turned, to entitlement
I served less, and expected to be served
My noble birthrights, taken as deserved
Amazing how, tremendous wealth clouds
The wisdom of a better time
'Fore the corruption that priv'lege allows
Under the strain of unbearable weight
I requested audience, one last Fate:
"Atropos, please, unseal my destiny,
Deliver me a second chance
From your seated heighth, hold what's left of me."
Playful Fates, true, but capricious also
Tempted to call their hallowed grounds hollow
I stopped, compared to what their mother felt
My children, more confused then not
Deathly ill, when their mother killed herself
I tore my robe, and lashed my back
Fist to the heavens, asking why
One by one, until all seven
Died, why them, demanding, why's that?
But the Fates were silent.
Silent to joy, silent to being disdainful.
And then I heard a voice.
"Pride came before your fall, and made it more painful."
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-26 08:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mad props to all Round 3 contestants. Best round of entries yet, lots of great reading!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-26 00:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As I said on my own post, I don't really feel like I should have gotten this far, but thanks for the kind words, Coleslaw. For the record, I liked your poem better than my own.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-04-25 23:25:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only have time to rate. All apologies. Comments to follow tomorrow. I suck, I blow, etc.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-25 22:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Neat idea here.
It seems to me you're a really versatile writer- you've been playing around with style the whole time, and it works. Well written. I really like your rhyme scheme- you took clever chances maybe more often than not, and it gives this a nice sound without forcing rhyme- I think that's my favorite part. Good stuff from you this comp, all of it.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-25 18:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kick ass.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-04-25 17:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
slaw
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anansie, I've seen your text-driven cage matches with Orgasmatron.
I'm sure that he'll let you call him your girlfriend, if you want to hang out with him.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-04-25 14:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-25 11:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahaha. It's sad that I know exactly what you are talking about. I need to hang out with my girlfriends more.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-04-25 11:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-25 11:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me worried there for a minute.
__________
I couldn't let you pin me without at least one shoulder throw on a two count.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-04-25 11:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me worried there for a minute.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-04-25 09:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminded me of Stephen King's 'Insomnia', where he used the names of these guys for the little bald doctors.
well written, good stuff.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-04-25 08:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written save for a spelling error or two, but I won't be picky. Excellent job.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-25 03:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good Photo.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-25 01:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-04-25 01:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your ambition causes the gods to tremble.
Unfortunately, your fate is in the hands of ubersite.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-04-24 23:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Other than a few flow problems it's OK.