Bladeraver (pt56) (366 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.4 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tactile Ire (View user info) at 2007-04-30 19:25:45 EDT
Twenty-foot tall shafts of natural light spilled across the shag-pile carpets from the vaulted windows cut into the opposite wall. Puila sat at his desk, facing the sunset view and looking at the small vial of golden viscosity that lay before him. It sat on top of the assayers report confirming its nature. Purest flowing honeysalve. The rarest of the Dreamingveldt's chemical bounty. And it came from a broken hive. Just waiting for men to go and pick up vast amounts of it and come back rich beyond belief. Just waiting, slightly out of reach.
He opened the vial and placed it carefully on the blotter beside the assay report and stood. He picked up a thin sheaf of papers that had Flens' name at the top.
He'd read the reports the woman had filed with parliament. The idea of the nest attacking the city had, rightly, been laughed off the floor of the senate. It was preposterous. In truth Puila had been surprised it had gotten to the senate chamber at all. She had reserves, this pole-arm toting girl. He had read through her reports minutely. She desperately wanted an expedition to this mant nest. Either she was scarred by her time there or she wanted the honeysalve. It was hard to say.
Puila had made sure Spikehand's whole household had been under surveillance since that first night in Immolate. Puila liked to know who he was in business with. The only times his agents had lost any of them had been while the wild fighter had been aloft. Nobody could keep pace with him in the canopy. But that was all right. Let the monkey swing in the trees. The real action was always here in the city.
The spies had reported on the woman's shattered emotional state - her distance from her colleagues and her ongoing dispute with his fighter. So she could be crazed, fixated on these mants. But then she could also be aware of the wealth that was waiting out there. He had to know. She might be valuable.
He crossed to the wall map of the nearby Dreamingveldt he'd had installed. It was a traditional side-by-side double survey of floor and canopy, with annotations on the various gigatree routes and canopy densities. He stood in front of it as the front door opened and one of his men stepped through, followed by a suspicious looking Flens. "Ahh, the lady pikeman. Clean and heavy of you to come. Please, can I offer you caff or juice? I have some fresh waterfruits, just in off the g'tree this morning."
Flens looked at the grey bearded man. Her eyes flicked around the room, barely hesitating on the small vial. They paused for longer on the map before finding his own gaze. "I am fine, thank you ser. And I have no patience for small talk. Your man said you might be in a position to help me regain the ear of the senate."
"Fine lady, I'm afraid you are here under a bit of a false pretence. I have no more sway with that fine body of men than your good self. However, I beg of you to listen. You see it has come to my attention that we have congruent goals, you and I."
"For reasons of my own, I wish to journey to a spot north of this mant nest that you believe poses such a threat to us. Indeed, my own reports have confirmed that it would be impossible to get to the place I seek by going around these creatures. It seems I must go through."
"Tell me. Do you know the spot I seek?" he shot a careful glance at the small phial on his desk blotter.
Flens looked and then turned back to him with a direct gaze. "I was in the foraging party that recovered that stuff. I was there when the Mantling broke the hive."
Puila started. "Broke the hive? Nothing we know of can break a Terrorhive. What was this mantling - some denizen of the nest that held you captive? And will we have to face it when we go there?"
For some reason the bint smiled as she said, "Don't worry about that. The Mantling is no longer there. So you intend to challenge the nest? You will need a force of many men."
"And I am in the process of gaining the finances to get them. But I also need something else. A guide who I can trust. One who's not after the same thing I am. One who won't burn me in the last mile, so to speak. Would you be willing to be that guide?"
"And how do you know I'm not after the same thing you are, ser Puila?"
"Come my dear. I know people. Twice now you've looked at my sample of the wares and not been fixated. You want that no more than you want my carpet."
"And if I lead you to your treasure will you destroy the nest?"
"My dear, I will go through its territory to get where I need to go. Everything we know about mants says that this will bring the nest to me in numbers. I will fight my through. Many 'mantlings' will die. Your nest will be severely weakened. And that is all I can promise you."
"I take it then you have no love nor trust for the one that gave you that?" she said, gesturing with her chin at the desk.
"He's a pit-fighter. A killer of men. A rogue element. An intelligent and unpredictable force. Let's just say I'd be a lot happier with that piece off my game-board. Now my dear, I must insist on an answer."
"Oh I'll guide you. If you're going to kill mants, I'll show you the way."
"Excellent!" said Puila smiling. "I do hope I can rely on your confidence in this matter? Wouldn't want your Spikehand friend getting too upset too soon. He has his uses yet."
"Of course," she opened her eyes a little and fixed him with a cool regard, "I wouldn't want to jeopardize your plans."
After she had gone Puila poured himself a measure of whosky and saluted the maps on his wall. Somewhere up there was a wealth too fabulous to imagine. A wealth that he was just beginning to believe might soon be his.
He knew now the woman had no interest in honeysalve or the wealth it represented. He had a nose for other people's greed. And she was greedy for the death of insectoids. Obviously the chitins had warped her mind somehow, out there in the wilds.
He considered the fact that she might be a stalking horse. A piece of bait left out for him by Spikehand. He didn't think so. The fighter could think - a rarity in his class - but he wasn't that bright. Still, it was better to be safe than sorry. He would have little more involvement with the girl until he had 'resolved' the Spikehand issue. Then, even if she had been his instrument, it wouldn't matter.
What should have been a pleasant hour reviewing plans that were shaping up nicely was marred only by one thing. The girl had said she was there when something called a mantling broke open the hive. The idea of a creature of such power gave him a little shudder, and he resolved to find a way to take some very heavy weaponry with them when they went.
*
Flens swept into the house, past the playing children, past Jeena doing household accounts on the kitchen table, up a tight spiral staircase, over a hallway and down a short flight of steps to the room the Mantling had claimed. He was sitting cross-legged, arms akimbo, eyes half closed. "I've just come from Puila. Why didn't you tell me?" she said.
"What's it to you, vow-breaker?"
She looked at him, taking him in as she shook her head. Then she turned on her heel and stalked out.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-01 17:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-01 17:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-30 20:48:44 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oi, big man, I love what you do.
That said, if you want to keep doing it, you have to take criticism more maturely, even when the criticism itself is immature.
If someone likes it, it isn't their achievement in liking it, it's yours, and you know this and feel pride in it.
If someone doesn't like it, the rules don't change- it isn't their fault for not being able to handle it, it's yours for not holding their interest. You don't have to care, but you shouldn't judge them for it.
Keep up the good work, and let it go until it's done. Personally, I'd like to see you soften this thing up a bit, as it occasionally reads like (really good) fanfiction for some non existant fantasy game.
-------
word.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-05-01 16:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-05-01 13:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have enjoyed this series from the start. I enjoyed the first "book" for entirely different reasons than the second, but both are very readable. If this were a book, I would not put it down.
I, too, don't like the title. I think the title has far too little to do with the entire story. I can see this as a series of books, and the current chapters being called Bladeraver. The first book could easily be called Enclave. I like the name you have given the land. I would go with that or something similar, if it were me.
In the end, I don't give a damn what it's called. I will read it until you are finished. I will then read whatever you write next.
So there.
Submitted by genericIntent (user info) at 2007-05-01 10:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-05-01 09:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-01 05:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enclave is possibly better.
I don't think readers need to know that he's going to end up in Bladeraves, when they're out in the forest.
It kind of takes the sting out of waiting to find out if he survived, seeings how he probably did, or the title would've been different.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-01 05:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantasy (and, to some extent, SciFi) is the genre which people assume is easiest, because you don't have to actually KNOW anything before you start writing, you can just make it all up and call it "magic". They are wrong.
You have consistently shown a deep enough knowledge for the various aspects of your story that in most cases, were I to feel something were incorrect, I'd have to research it to find out. And I'm not an uneducated person.
I think (can't be bothered going back to check) that one of steak's points was that you'd lost the readers' interest due to spacing. Part of what had me so hooked on this, was the possiblity of being able to affect the story during it's creation. I really liked what you were writing, and felt that if I had a point, you'd listen to it. If you'd waited to post until it was finished, and thereby avoided losing people halfway, most of the dynamic between reader and writer would have been lost instead. (And not to be all too pretentious, but isn't that sorta kinda what the point, the actual point, of Uber is?) And anyway, people needed to find out it was here. If you'd posted once, it wouldn't have received the exposure it deserves.
My sole complaint at this point would be that recent parts have been more background/set up than action (I know, the Bladeraves, but that's still my overall impression), because what we've reached is the part of the book where, IRL, I can't put it down. But I keep having to wait. Which would be a dicktease, if I had a dick. So my suggestion (and yes, I am aware that I've been throwing polite hissy fits at you when you don't post one a day) is give it a week, finish it, put it up there.
Or not. Your choice.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2007-05-01 03:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the first sentence of this instalment was a little clunky (too many adjectives perhaps?).
Apart from that I thought this was great. The whole series is great in fact. The title is the only downfall...it just doesn't sit right (at least it's original though). Enclave as an alternate title would sound better but wouldn't be original.
Ignore the haters. They go away quicker if you never acknowledge them.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-05-01 00:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The trick is to do those three things (description, internal monologue, and dialoge) without the negatives you've attached. Description should not be redundant- it should, however, be detailed and heartfelt. You don't need to repeatedly reference the runes of your fellow's sword, but you should take care to describe, every now and again, the crisp sound it makes as it slides from its sheathe. Internal monologue should not be circular- it should, however, be around to give insight into the thoughts of the characters. You don't need to have him go over the "pain and or the joy of battle" but every now and again to have him think about the consequences of his actions. Flashbacks don't have to be (MEANWHILE IN THE PAST), they can be accomplished with internal monologue. Dialogue is almost never do-nothing if done well. Even small talk between characters can be a tool to reveal and/or demonstrate valuable and critical character traits. You don't have to have people talk about what they are going to eat before every meal, but for god's sake, don't kill discussion all together. Even in fantasy, which is a uniquely simplistic (not that that's bad) medium, these three things are key.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-05-01 00:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-30 22:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snare, fuck the morons. I happen to like your series, for whatever that's worth.
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It's worth enough for me to carry on and finish it, anyway.
Thanks Bubba. I knew when I started this I'd get my fair share of Ubershit.
The supporters, like you, have been a little less expected. I'm grateful.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-05-01 00:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I absolutely hate the fucking name of this series but I have been reading them.
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Hmmm, ohkay...
My only alt. title was "Enclave."
Got any others?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-05-01 00:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-05-01 00:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-30 23:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oi, big man, I love what you do.
That said, if you want to keep doing it, you have to take criticism more maturely, even when the criticism itself is immature.
If someone likes it, it isn't their achievement in liking it, it's yours, and you know this and feel pride in it.
If someone doesn't like it, the rules don't change- it isn't their fault for not being able to handle it, it's yours for not holding their interest. You don't have to care, but you shouldn't judge them for it.
Keep up the good work, and let it go until it's done. Personally, I'd like to see you soften this thing up a bit, as it occasionally reads like (really good) fanfiction for some non existant fantasy game.
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Thanks Gofer.
How I take criticism depends on the criticism itself. If it informs me of weaknesses in my work, and points me to things I could be doing better, I accept it and attempt to internalise it. I'm trying to learn here.
However, where the criticism is the written equivalent of a wet raspberry I respond accordingly. And after I've slapped back, I then try and ask if they actually had a point, or whether they just felt like starting a little flame war.
And thanks for your comment on the work. See, when I read most speculative fiction these days I find myself quickly flicking past redundant descriptions, circular internal monologues and doing-nothing dialogue, so I've tried to prune all that out of my work. I've tried to have a point to every scene, including the ones that just look like background. I've tried to keep the descriptions parsimonious (after all, you can picture a setting or a sword as well as I can, all you need are a few pointers to frame the image). And I've tried to make each piece of dialogue crucial to the development of the characters and their relationships.
And you're right, now that I think about it. The emergent property of those three strictures has been a work that rests too heavily on pulp elements.
The challenge remains unresolved. How to write a compelling fantsay world without recourse to the three redundancies that I've described. China Meilvile comes close. I miight go back and re-read some his stuff.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-04-30 23:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oi, big man, I love what you do.
That said, if you want to keep doing it, you have to take criticism more maturely, even when the criticism itself is immature.
If someone likes it, it isn't their achievement in liking it, it's yours, and you know this and feel pride in it.
If someone doesn't like it, the rules don't change- it isn't their fault for not being able to handle it, it's yours for not holding their interest. You don't have to care, but you shouldn't judge them for it.
Keep up the good work, and let it go until it's done. Personally, I'd like to see you soften this thing up a bit, as it occasionally reads like (really good) fanfiction for some non existant fantasy game.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-30 22:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snare, fuck the morons. I happen to like your series, for whatever that's worth.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Steak, I don't give a flying fuck what you think. Rate as you will and be wrong as you choose.
I happen to think the series is very interesting, so let's agree to disagree. I'll give him +2s until installment 3,409. After that, who knows... :)
Also, kiss my ass :-/
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I don't care what you rate this, or any other post. That's your life, not mine. I never mentioned ratings, as they DON'T MATTER. :D
Snare, in case you havn't noticed, nobody thinks anymore, or asks questions. The first three chapters should be enough backstory for the rest of the endless stream of this series.
Write some backstory during the action if you want to amuse us, but I've yet to read any truly great action from this series. I'll put it so you can understand. "All story and no action make Snare write badly." Emotional investment comes over time, and it's been so spaced out that intrest has been lost. I'm not asking you to pander to the feeble minded, just to have it be a little more interesting.
People forget quickly, and it's time this be forgotten.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I absolutely hate the fucking name of this series but I have been reading them.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"This reads horribly anymore,"
Hmmm. That's right proper englandish, that is.
Seriously though.
You sound like you have a real critique somewhere in there. If you an be a little more exact, or constructive than "the whole thing sucks, I'm sick of it" then let me know.
You want me to ROAR LIKE a GOD? Well to set up a denouement that the audience cares about I need to spend time developing the characters and their motivations. I could just right fight scene after fight scene but without understanding who's fighting, and why, its just biffo. Its an Image comic book, its a video game.
Even the most intense action I could scribe would just be flat noise without an emotional investment.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Steak, I don't give a flying fuck what you think. Rate as you will and be wrong as you choose.
I happen to think the series is very interesting, so let's agree to disagree. I'll give him +2s until installment 3,409. After that, who knows... :)
Also, kiss my ass :-/
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-04-30 19:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am in awe of your greatness.
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Fucking right you are.
I've read the entire series so far. It's gotten old, and I think you misinterpreted my suggestion of "go out in a blaze of glory" , because you've hit the top of the roller coaster, and it's all downhill from here. These stopped being good at around twenty, which isn't bad. You lack perspective, and your content leaves much to be desired. This reads horribly anymore, and lacks fundamentals.
Bubba, I'll read, write, and review whatever I damn well please. Don't forget that this is just some shitty story online, and that assholes like me are bound to say something that you don't like. Get over it.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-04-30 20:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, but when exactly are you going to finish this?
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This story arc has about ten-twelve posts left in it.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-30 21:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-04-30 19:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Quit doing these.
*********
Steak, you're a low-life, third-rate, slope-shouldered, hydrocephalic, dog-licking, rat-fucking, one-balled, ignorant piece of hammered dog shit!
<those are your good points, you ADHD asshole>
Leave the man alone. If you lost interest, along with your mind, go read something else. Butthead.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-04-30 20:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, but when exactly are you going to finish this?
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-04-30 19:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-04-30 19:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Quit doing these.
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Wonderful.
This from a guy whose last post was a list of titles.
Wow. What blistering content.
I am in awe of your greatness.
Of course I should halt my paltry efforts, lest they further offend your magnificence.
Twat.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-30 19:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
D'backs win last night arbitrary +2 to offset.
Didn't read it.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-04-30 19:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Quit doing these.