SUPA- Whatever (651 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Whore of Babylon (View user info) at 2007-05-01 13:56:38 EDT
This poem comes from a slightly modified Roethke exercise, which is why it's probably not as strong as it could have been. Then again, I personally like it, so I'm not really all that apologetic. I'm probably going to lose this comp whether I advance this round or not.
Dedicated to one of the expressions I despise the most...
"Whatever"
The word curves in a gentle arc,
Kisses the ear. Not a strong word,
But violent, just the same; it bites,
Cuts, tears pieces of my belief
Out of the soft cloud, and then spits
Them at the floor before my feet.
No, not a strong word, like love,
Hate, desire, the word is drawn
From the verbal slag and swung.
It leaps from the throat, a frog,
Surprises me, assaults me, peers
At me with a keen eye, and croaks,
"I don't care." It is only one,
Word, and not even a strong word.
Even so, it swells in the ear,
A lump with a blue-black center,
Dull, disinterested, and bored.
It asks nothing; it gives nothing.
User Reviews
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-05-31 21:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in answer to you question on my piece of fiction. i let the metaphor get out of hand because its supposed to represent in its way how the guy is become more and more out of touch as the reality of his imminent death becomes more likely. the more real his demise becomes the more he thinks about other stuff, in a more and more abstract way, like how you might bite your tongue to ingore some itch or other minor pain.
your writing teachers telling you to be more clear are wrong. always rememebr that those that can do, do - those that cant, teach. it is sometimes necessary to be more clear, but writing for art's sake means that for your art sometimes you have to be unclear. looking at drafts of woolf's 'to the lighthouse' (a difficult book, but a classic) it is clear that she went out of her way to make it more and more unclear in each successive draft.
unclearness can be as much a narrative device as anything. the unclearness of a protagonists thoughts and speech tells you about its state of mind and the things arounf it and the situation it is in.
or it could jsut be bad writing. only way to find out is if you give it a crack.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-02 23:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like each of yours for different reasons, and cannot choose one over the other.
As such, sample my indecision.
Submitted by Mr_Burns (user info) at 2007-05-02 11:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad, but not as good as some of the others.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-05-02 09:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are close
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2007-05-01 23:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-01 22:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-01 17:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-01 17:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-05-01 16:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hate the word
like the poem
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but not your best. I felt something lacking from this presentation...a deeper, darker explanation of the word is deserved.
Especially considering the circumstances under which it is most often used, as JonnyX so eloquently stated below.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good word choices, by the way.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate your goddamn disclaimer.
But I like your poem very much.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry 'bout that. Certain comments have made me feel like I owe people explanations or some shit. I probably should have just posted it.
*
good rule of thumb, Zebra likes it, its shite.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate your goddamn disclaimer.
But I like your poem very much.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry 'bout that. Certain comments have made me feel like I owe people explanations or some shit. I probably should have just posted it.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-05-01 15:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate your goddamn disclaimer.
But I like your poem very much.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-05-01 14:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like 'like', like alot.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-05-01 14:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-01 14:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my ex-girlfriend used to use that word a lot...boy, do I hate it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXACTLY.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-01 14:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my ex-girlfriend used to use that word a lot...boy, do I hate it.