Fuck it most of these aren't cats but enjoy (881 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.72 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wood (View user info) at 2007-05-03 23:49:25 EDT
There will probably be whitespace :(
hang on, I can fill it with amusing crap can't I......gimme a sec.....
Men drive too fast, we were told, because the car is an extension of the penis. But if it were, men would surely not drive too fast; they would just back in and out of the garage. Or maybe just polish it all the time.
<DooMGoaT> OMG
<DooMGoaT> SQUASH THE SPIDER AND WIN AN XBOX 360!
<DooMGoaT> shame none of the 360 games are as good as the spider squashy banner
<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle of the theater
<Alex> i
<Alex> f s h
<Alex> t c k s
<Alex> s i
<Laila> ...what is he trying to do?
<Reiz0r> Trying to make a fish from fishsticks.
<Reiz0r> It's MODERN ART
<Reiz0r> It's the true pesonification of the juxtaposition of the sombre emotion that the world of man made aesthetics is slowly and irrevokably destroy the nature of that which is ...
<Reiz0r> Something
<Reiz0r> Modern art doesn't have to look like much. It just needs an explanation with lots of long words
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a restaurant having dinner. Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going"? Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's your golf"?
Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my golf swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right." Tiger says, "You play golf"? Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years." Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?
Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him.
Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again, I play the ball toward his voice"
"But how do you putt"? asks Woods. "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice."
Woods asks, "What's your handicap"? Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, amazing, says, "We've got to play a round sometime." Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."
Woods thinks it over and says, "Okay, I'm all for that. When would you like to play"? Stevie says, "Pick a night."
Kanuck: i like to look at porn in pdf files.. just so i can make the little hand grab things.
monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...alot
<Choko> i know 101 ways to use a penis
<HamsterMan> cool
<HamsterMan> does it include writing with it and playing baseball
<Choko> okay... now i know 103 ways
<HamsterMan> XD
Scouthouse: king kong was a good movie
elcucarachaloco: an AWESOME movie
elcucarachaloco: only one better is return of the king
Scouthouse: never seen it
elcucarachaloco: awesome movie
Scouthouse: but how can he return when hes dead?
A man running for mayor was making a speech, and thundered, "I want you people to know that there are over two dozen brothels in this town, and I have never been to one of them!" A voice from the back yelled out, "Which one?"
John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand repeatedly came through the window but never harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just experienced.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and ?... wasn't drunk.
Suddenly two other people walked into the same pub. They, like John, were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Look, Bruce!? There's that fucking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it."
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die." whispered the priest. "I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Clinton commented to Kennedy "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Kennedy couldn't help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kennedy's hand in his right hand and Clinton's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.
Finally Senator Kennedy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?" The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen" said Kennedy. "Amen" said Clinton. The old priest continued... "He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."
and some amusing ubersite reviews
Ranking: 2
I met a guy named Mike Hunt at a frat party once. I, being a drunken ass, said "What were your parents thinking?" He said, "My parents died when I was 5."
He's the one named Mike Hunt and I'm the one who ends up looking like a jerkoff. Story of my life.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info </u/DCWoody>) at 2006-01-11 17:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I got a shit load of really true facts and put
'nutmeg in large quantities is a hallucenogencic'
in with them.
Except I looked up how to spell halucinoginic.
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info </u/wijormiclat>) at 2006-01-11 18:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-11 17:48:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
I got a shit load of really true facts and put
'nutmeg in large quantities is a hallucenogencic'
in with them.
Except I looked up how to spell halucinoginic.
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Funny you mention that, because nutmeg actually does have a psychoactive in it called myristicin.
myristicin
A toxic, crystalline, safrole derivative present in star anise, parsley seed oil, and nutmeg oil. When ingested in large quantities, it can cause convulsions, hallucinations, tachycardia, and possibly death.
In order to get a "nutmeg buzz" you would have to ingest about 10 grams of it.\
I'm serious. Check it out:
<http://www.erowid.org/plants/nutmeg/nutmeg.shtml>
Submitted by DCWoody (user info </u/DCWoody>) at 2006-01-11 18:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well shit.
My damn subconscious suggests something thats actually true, I guess I must have heard that somewhere.
So I guess there hasn't been any dumb kids spooning jar after jar of nutmeg into their mouths.
User Reviews
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-05-04 17:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-04 16:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-05-04 15:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I KEEL JOOO!
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2007-05-04 09:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haaaaaaaalp
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-04 08:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Several of them were brilliant.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-05-04 08:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-04 08:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-05-04 04:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by street-pirate (user info) at 2007-05-04 00:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to plus 2 it only for the Tiger Woods joke, but the Peta Sucks picture landed you a +2 for your three next posts.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-04 00:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle of the theater
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This comment is funnier if you pretend the person who said it was Black.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-05-04 00:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been turning into a bit of an argumentative bugger on Uber last few days, think I've been interacting with caul too much.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-05-03 23:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well as I just made all of these up from pics that were on my hardrive I'd be suprised if anyone had seen them before in their current captioned state....
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-05-03 23:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haven't seen the I Keel Joooo shark yet.
Thanks
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-05-03 23:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-05-03 23:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the picture.
_________________________________-
Eh?
which one?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-05-03 23:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the picture.