Is it to be possibility of come back into country now? (1164 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.74 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (View user info) at 2007-05-14 11:10:31 EDT
I can't remember the last time I was asked to show ID by an official. Maybe it was back in college when people started to suspect I wasn't Ahkmed Matumad and that my scholarship money wasn't going towards allowing a genius Iranian 24 year old learn English. I swear to god I thought that turban would pay my way to higher education, but all my anti-Iranian ethnic slurs probably hinted at something afoul.
Anyway the point is that most people recognize me. My prince Valiant hair and my unsightly growth that some doctors have claimed to be life threatening mean that I don't normally have to introduce myself since most people know my as "that guy who mom told me might have touched my sister but the police don't have proof yet".
But that wasn't the case when I tried to cross the border back into the US.
"Sir show me you're ID eh?" The crack border patrolman asked me with suave grace and aplomb.
Ah who am I kidding. This is the Canada-US border. A retard hemophiliac with four teeth could be a border patrolman here. And somehow he had seen right through my clever Easter Island statue costume that I assumed would get me across with no questions. I guess I needed a costume of something more local like a hockey player or Mike Myers.
"Look man I just need to get back home, can you let me go?" I asked patiently.
"And what are ya doing with that eh?" (I would like everyone to note the "eh" at the end of every sentence spoken by a Canadian. Now I am not one to succumb to using stereotypes, but if I was crossing the Mexican border everyone would be wearing sombreros and digging ditches. So it all evens out in the end. Think of the "eh" as my attempts at being bi-lingual.) The patrolman asked pointing to the wagon of prescription drugs I was hauling behind me.
"What these? These are.... um.......... my uh...............um..................."
"Eh?"
"Myyyyy.....................uh................the uh...........................you know the things and..........."
"Well what are they eh?"
"Ermmm..........................................they're my..................uh........... my.................. uh...................... my headache medicine?" I offered finally to try and explain the prescription drugs I was smuggling from Canada to the US in my little red Radio Flyer wagon from 3rd grade.
"You need Viagra for your headaches eh?" The patrolman asked picking up one of the bottles and inspecting it. I needed to get him off my tail quickly before this line of questioning revealed the true nature of my visit.
"LOOK! MAPLE SYRUP FOUNTAINS! AND EVERYONE IS GETTING TO DRINK SOME!" I said pointing behind the patrolman hoping he would turn to the most glorious sight a Canadian can imagine.
"You thought that Canadians drink maple syrup eh?" He asked with a hard glare.
"You don't?"
"No eh."
"Man I feel awkward and racist. Perhaps this is a lesson I have needed to learn for a long time. You see I've been living my life and getting my Ubersite ratings on the backs of crude racial jokes for a long time and I think it's high time I learn to be more sensitive to other peoples feelings. I mean you may be a dirty Polack or some form of gypsy, but deep down your still as valuable as any other Ethiopian slave child and I should show them all respect." I began to say before I was interrupted.
"What is Ubersite eh?" The officer asked.
"It's a website run by Bart Cilfone that.... you know what never mind the point is I'll give you a cut of the money I make from selling these drugs. How about that?" I asked.
"That sounds pretty good eh." He said waving me through.
"Great! I'll mail you the money in a few days." I said crossing the border.
"How will you get my address eh?" The patrolman asked as I breathed in the glorious polluted air of Northern United States and therefore got my daily recommended dosage of iron in just a few sniffs.
"Don't you worry about that, I'll just google you." I said and walked away never to hear from him again.
It's so easy to trick those stupid canucks, but not as easy as Dominicans.
User Reviews
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-05-18 07:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-16 14:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But... but....
I met a real, live Canadian who admitted he has drank a bottle of maple syrup many times.
GENKO, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
=-==
genko is ontarian.
they steal all our ressources and make us live in cages.
it's true!
______________________________
It's true, we do it because we are the master race...
a master race of unidentifiable origins or culture...
in fact quebec is really the only portion of canada with a defined culture...
how depressing
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is like totally bullshit, eh.
Hoser.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-14 16:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
actually he didn't really leave us a choice.
and we didn't touch his peener :p
ho.
Then that trip was a waste of gas....
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-05-14 16:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-14 14:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-14 16:32:38 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
nice grammar fucktard
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-14 14:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You think you're really very funny don't you?
Well maybe you are and maybe you aren't. I chuckled at this and that's all that matters. Everything/one else can fuck off for all I care.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohh, see that would break a promise, as the restaurant required me to take off my mask due to some antiquated health department rules. So many of the pics are people looking quite pale faced and quesy. I mean one would think that a group of internet trolls would be more understanding as to my affliction, but NOOOOO they had to go on about hygiene and showering regularly. Fuck them man, I say if a women cannot go without a shower for 2 months straight what kind of country is this... communist russia!
ohh and the real reason that no photos will probably see the light of day is bc we all turned out looking like pale mongoloids in all of them and the second night where we actually looked presentable we were shot from all the photos from the night before. Though I do have a good naked Hidden photo for the highest bidder.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
of your little gathering
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SEND ME SOME PICS PLEASE!
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pictures of what?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SEND ME SOME PICS PLEASE!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul I have no idea what these bitches are complaining about. I think we are sexxxxayyy!
http://www.curvycash.net/galleries/phatcatgirls04/phatcatgirls037.jpg
Also if you click that at work you are retarded.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOCKEY PWNS
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Damn right it does...except right now. I hate having to cheer for Ottawa to get the cup back in Canada.
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Pottowa'd better do the deed and win it all.
I don't want another fucking American hockey team on top again. And I don't even care about hockey.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:10:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't kick a lumberjack out of bed.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lolled.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOCKEY PWNS
-----------------
Damn right it does...except right now. I hate having to cheer for Ottawa to get the cup back in Canada.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 13:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i want thsoe pictures...u girls can trust me ok ?
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, HE climbed into the bed, drunk, with Katy and I. How the hell am I supposed to kick a fucking lumberjack out of bed? You saw the size of his arms for Christ's sake.
He did not penetrate me in any fashion though.
---------------------------------
Psssssssssssahhwwww all a show so you guys won't sound whorish. I saw how it was the next day, the glazed look in everyone's eyes when I showed up at the hotel. I smelled it in the air.
Why he didnt use his lumberjack powers to his advantage is beyond me. I mean the chicks at Tuts weren't special but the odds were good even if the goods were kinda odd.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOCKEY PWNS
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH THE GOOD OLD HOCKEY GAAAAAAME
IT'S THE BEST GAME YOU CAN NAAME (besides baseball)
AND THE BEST GAME YOU CAN NAAAME
IS THE GOOD OLD HOCKEY GAAAAAAME (but really baseball)
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah, the hockey stuff in his car too.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Genko. He encompasses every Canadian stereotype: drinks syrup, wears flannel (he showed me the flannel in the trunk of his car), says 'eh', and is a lumberjack.
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you forgot hockey.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Permit me to introduce you to my latest wonderful creation.
It's called Pancaffle Toast, and do let me break it down for you...
I came.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:44:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, HE climbed into the bed, drunk, with Katy and I. How the hell am I supposed to kick a fucking lumberjack out of bed? You saw the size of his arms for Christ's sake.
He did not penetrate me in any fashion though.
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hey he didn't penetrate EITHER OF US in any fashion.
twat.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul, Katy = Noonie
Chef O - your sandwich was lacking in meat substance.
Sausage *snicker*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who's katy and why don't we have pictures of that gathering?
please send them here: alain_laflamme.at.hotmail.com
thank you :-D
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no.
IF THOSE GET GIVEN OUT I SHANK PEOPLE1!!!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
actually he didn't really leave us a choice.
and we didn't touch his peener :p
ho.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who's katy and why don't we have pictures of that gathering?
please send them here: alain_laflamme.at.hotmail.com
thank you :-D
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, HE climbed into the bed, drunk, with Katy and I. How the hell am I supposed to kick a fucking lumberjack out of bed? You saw the size of his arms for Christ's sake.
He did not penetrate me in any fashion though.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I SO DID NOT SLEEP WITH GENKO.
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Umm I saw the pictures dude, you and Katy totally slept with Genko.
Deny it all you want, I know the TROOF!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I SO DID NOT SLEEP WITH GENKO.
===
good, cuz i slept with him
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crystle,
How dare you suggest that anything I involve myself in suffers from a lack of sausage.
I'm Abe Froman, baby, the Sausage King of Chicago!
I've got more sausage than I know what to do with!
You ever get to that point where you say a word so often that it starts to sound funny and meaningless? I'm at that point with sausage right now. It just sounds like gibberish.
"Sausage."
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I SO DID NOT SLEEP WITH GENKO.
I'm still your internet g.f., baby. No fear. *pats head*
He came to the USA and had dinner with a bunch of us.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O-man, that monstrosity you've made sounds absolutely horrifying.
---
So you're saying it needs more dog style?
I thought so.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You were in Canada and didn't call me? Fuck you, eh! Icarus doesn't like Canadians but he likes the cookies they bake....ingrate.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Chef O,
I have reviewed your recipe in detail. I find that not only am I still craving a waffle (or pancake) but I find your recipe to be sadly lacking in the sausage department.
I fear that I may soon be visiting a Denny's. *SOB* I haven't been in several years, and having thought I finally conquered my pancake/waffle addiction, I am mentally in anguish.
The only reason I am typing instead of face-planting into a Grand Slam (tm) is that I am at work and can't find a graceful way to exit.
~Crystle
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU FUCKED GENKO?
I THOUGHT U WERE MY INTERNET GF!
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Genko. He encompasses every Canadian stereotype: drinks syrup, wears flannel (he showed me the flannel in the trunk of his car), says 'eh', and is a lumberjack.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O-man, that monstrosity you've made sounds absolutely horrifying.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But... but....
I met a real, live Canadian who admitted he has drank a bottle of maple syrup many times.
GENKO, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
=-==
genko is ontarian.
they steal all our ressources and make us live in cages.
it's true!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dearest Crystle,
Permit me to introduce you to my latest wonderful creation.
It's called Pancaffle Toast, and do let me break it down for you:
- 2 big ass pancakes
- 1 waffle
- 2 pieces of french toast
- 1 liter of maple syrup
Lay the french toast down on a plate, open face style. Pour some syrup on the side-up faces and then layer one pancake on each piece. Drown the waffle in syrup, making sure to fill each of the syrup traps to the top. Carefully set it syrup-side down on one of the toast/pancake halves. Then fill the remaining syrup traps. Place the other toast/pancake half on top of this beautiful monstrosity. Engage in some dog style sex. Then grab what you've created - this awesome sandwich - and see if you can feel the exact moment your heart starts to slow down. This is the onset of bliss. It will not disappoint.
Love,
Chef O
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But... but....
I met a real, live Canadian who admitted he has drank a bottle of maple syrup many times.
GENKO, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the majority of maple syrup is produced in QC...we are not canadians THAT'S WHY IT DIDN'T WORK!
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fuck off!
really?
===
yeah, qc has about 3/4 of the production. there's a little bit in Ontario and the rest is in new england. vermont and maine alone produce more maple syrup than all of canada except QC, so it's really not THAT canadian.
this is the greatest sin ever: http://blogjan.free.fr/cpg144/albums/userpics/10001/normal_tire2.JPG
:-)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dangerdanger
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-05-14 12:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... I have teh urge to start a rip-roaring uber debate..
without the english pancake? WHAT ABOUT THE BELGIAN WAFFLE?!?!?! YOU CAN'T SAY THEY ARE WORTHLESS!!!
syrup traps, man, syrup traps..
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm $#@#*(&$$ Now I'm craving waffles...
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the majority of maple syrup is produced in QC...we are not canadians THAT'S WHY IT DIDN'T WORK!
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fuck off!
really?
but without the english pancake, your maple syrup ain't worth shit.
funny
eh-holes
guffaw
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eh?
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell have you been?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate Canadians :(
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poletage = the sasquach.
You heard it here first.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hoser.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY EVERYONE LOOK IT'S HIGH VOLTAGE
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You'll never get proof of this encounter! Only an unfocused and blurry video tape will chronicle my reappearance.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the majority of maple syrup is produced in QC...we are not canadians THAT'S WHY IT DIDN'T WORK!
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
nice grammar fucktard
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY EVERYONE LOOK IT'S HIGH VOLTAGE
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-14 16:22:30 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
THEY LET YOU BACK IN?
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Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-14 16:21:44 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
"LOOK! MAPLE SYRUP FOUNTAINS! AND EVERYONE IS GETTING TO DRINK SOME!"
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THEY LET YOU BACK IN?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-14 11:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"LOOK! MAPLE SYRUP FOUNTAINS! AND EVERYONE IS GETTING TO DRINK SOME!"