Misadventures in Pubic Hair Removal: A How-To Guide (2403 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.57 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <interloper> (View user info) at 2007-05-14 16:58:05 EDT
"I think you should shave your balls" she said over the phone.
"Um... why?"
"Lots of girls seem to like it."
Now as appealing as I find the thought of operating an array of cutting implements on the sensitive equipment I keep in the basement, I'd had something in the way of prior experience reminding me it's not all sunshine and roses when you introduce a set of razors to your groin.
And that particular memory was from something like four years ago, back when she was still innocent and I was still under the delusion that I wasn't.
"Do guys really like it that much when we shave down there?" she'd asked as I was idly doing something I found way more interesting.
"Huh? Oh, definitely."
"Um," she paused, "Did your ex shave?"
"Uh, shaved or waxed or something. I don't know, one of them."
"Do you want me to do that?"
"Ha, I know you, you wouldn't do it. You'd chicken out."
"If I do it, will you?"
"Yeah, whatever."
So four days later we're in the shower and she's holding a razor at my crotch to keep my end of the bargain for me. As I look down with trepidation and no small dose of remorse, she takes one stroke down the middle (above the package) and decides that's far enough. And even spared the full dosage, within two hours the itching has set in. The unholy, unnatural itching, the ungodly deep itching that feels like 60-grit sandpaper and burns like regret. Forget about sitting comfortably, no more sleeping not spread-eagle on your back, and for the love of God don't try using the belt-buckle-tuck if you need to conceal a poorly timed boner.
It was so bad that the only practical course of action was to declare a scorched earth campaign on the stubble so that the hair could regrow in soft. Essentially, this meant pulling out the stump of every fucking hair with a pair of tweezers. One hour later, eyes full of tears and reconverted to Christianity, I swore I'd never let a razor anywhere near my junk again.
Which, of course, made this new request even less appealing.
"Are you serious?" I asked again.
There was a moment of silence on the phone. "Yes, I am"
"Alright. Fine."
Step 1: Procurement
==================================
Pubic hair removal isn't like going after the shrubs in front of your house all willy-nilly with a pair of hedge clippers. This is something that requires a carefully laid-out plan executed with the cold, disciplined precision of a neurosurgeon. Everything must be thought out beforehand: from the operating environment to material selection to the tools and instruments. Careful planning at this stage will eliminate much of the blood, cold sweat, and tears that accompany a botched job.
However, since you and I both know that neither of us are gonna put in that much effort, go spend ten minutes googling crap about shaving your pubes and when you're done snickering, follow along with me here through the procurement stage:
Now the first thing we've got to make clear is that we're not using a razor. Sure, it would spare you the blinding pain of ripping your pubes out by the root, but at the cost of spending the next two weeks in Itchville: population you. Quite frankly, if you're the kind of guy who can't accept a little intense pain up front to spare you two weeks of unholy discomfort, then you're not gonna like either option and you really shouldn't be seriously considering doing this to yourself.
Thus the key here is to get some sort of hair-removal product from a local retailer. Since neither of us want to relive the awkward customer-cashier dynamic I first experienced as a sixteen-year-old boy buying condoms from the 80 year old lady at the CVS, I recommend finding a store with a self-checkout. As a further diversionary measure, stock your basket with ultra-manly items, like pork rinds, beef jerky, and shotgun shells (store permitting). Additional items like frozen TV-dinners will help confirm your highly masculine, bachelor lifestyle to anyone too nosy for their own good.
Walk around the store to find the hair removal products. They're probably by the girly stuff somewhere between the leg-razors and the economy-size cases of tampons. Once you've found them stop approximately 10 yards away, check your watch and take a deep breath. Good. You now have 20 seconds to get in and get out.
Ordinarily twenty seconds would be plenty of time to pick an item off the shelf and walk away. However, you need to (1) survey the items, (2) isolate the first one which meets the job requirements, (3) commit and retrieve the item, and (4) conceal the item within your basket. Remember: Survey, Isolate, Commit, Conceal. Twenty seconds. You can do it.
What you're looking for is anything that's a wax or a gel and has the words "brazillian" or "bikini area" on the front, but NOT preceded by the phrase "not intended for" (good lord, you'd regret that!). Tub-shaped containers with pictures of cloth strips or some hot chick fondling her legs are a good sign. Remember, speed is the key here. Grab the fucking thing, hold on to your masculinity, and let's get the fuck out of here.
Alright, once you've paid for that box of embarrassment and it's carefully hidden in that plastic bag, there's a few more items you're gonna need to pick up, if you don't have them already. First, you'll need a pair of tweezers... good ones. I know you're tempted to use that pair of pliers in the garage (I know I was), but just trust me here: it's a bad idea. Next you'll need a pair of scissors or a beard-trimmer. The best thing to do here is just borrow a pair of scissors from an unknowing donor. Don't use your own, for Christ's sake... you're about to trim your fucking pubes with them! For that reason, if you're gonna use a beard trimmer, make sure it belongs to someone else.
Finally, and here's the most important thing: you're going to need a bottle of hard liquor. It doesn't matter what type, as long as it's 80 proof or better. Unflavored vodka, whisky, gin, or rum: whatever drinks fast and hits hard. The key here, and I really fucking mean this, so pay attention, is to make sure you DON'T DRINK ANY OF IT UNTIL YOU'RE DONE WITH THE SCISSORS. In fact, it would be best to hide the scissors when you think you're done with them for just this reason... but more on that later.
Step 2: Preparation
==================================
Ok, we're ready. Find yourself a bathroom with a shower in it and make sure you've got like two or three hours. Now's the time to open that bag and find out what you just spent $12.99 on. If you paid attention to what I said and didn't fuck it up, you're holding one of two things: either some sort of nasty wax that has to be put in the microwave before being applied to your nuts, or some sort of nasty gel that doesn't have to be put in the microwave but still has to be applied to your nuts.
I got the gel.
Alright, open the box and read the instructions a couple of times. I know men aren't supposed to read directions, but when we're about to do something strange near our testicles, we take the time to make an exception. If you got the wax, you're on your own. If you got the gel, it's time for some prep-work.
According to the instructions, hair over half an inch long is prone to tangling during removal. Since that sounds about as fun as ripping your pubes out... oh, right... since that sounds like it sucks, some trimming is in order. With the scissors, and very slowly, start trimming. You want to be cautious and make sure you close the scissors *slowly*. The skin down here is pretty stretchy, and it would really suck if somewhere in the middle of that wad of hair you're about to lop off was a quarter-inch of skin playing hide-and-seek with the scissors. Slow and steady may not win the race, but it stays the fuck out of the emergency room. You want to go down to a half-inch, and you want to get everything from the top, around the sides, and down to the 'taint. Don't be overzealous, since after all, every hair you cut now has a microscopic spear-point and need to be ripped out if you don't want it stabbing you in the nuts for the next two weeks.
When you're done, it's time to take a shower. Search around for some hair conditioner: you're in luck if a girl lives in whatever house/apartment you're doing the work in (I never suggested it be yours). Words like "smooth", "deep moisturizing", and "intense soothing" are good news. Anyway, you're gonna want to apply that shit to your now-rediculous looking pubes and let it sit for a few minutes. Lather, rinse, and seriously consider the repeat.
When you're done, it's out of the shower and time to find any stragglers you missed. Trim them down and then hide the fucking scissors. The scissors are no longer your friend.
Step 3: Past the Point of No Return
=====================================
Ok, we're not in Kansas anymore. Now would be a good time to take a few shots of that booze you didn't forget to bring into the bathroom with you. You're going for a "hahaha, that dogbite barely hurt at all" buzz, not a "yo, that fucking alligator better stop giving me dirty looks" level of inebriation.
Alright, here we go... down to business. Pick a spot to start, get into an appropriately awkward position for maximum accessibility, and let's get to work. I recommend starting near the 'taint and working your way up and around. The crap you bought came with a ridiculous looking plastic scraper. Use that to smear a thin layer of that disgusting goop over a 1" x 2" section of skin, going in the direction that the hair naturally lays. Haha, yeah, I can't tell which direction it's supposed to lay either. Just pick a direction and roll with it.
Ok, using one hand stretch the skin tight, then with the other take a cloth strip... who the fuck came up with this shit anyway?... and lay it down over the gel. It should stick. Using your now free hand, smooth the cloth against the skin like a few times. Don't do it to fast, and don't wait too long, or it won't work. Alright, quick now, grab the end of the cloth and as fast and hard as you can will yourself to, rip it off in the direction opposite how you applied the gel.
At this point there should be a blinding white explosion behind your eyes.
Did it hurt? Yeah? Cool, but that doesn't mean it worked. In fact, if you look down at that cloth strip in your hand, there's like a 90% chance that there's no hair stuck to it. Haha, sucks, doesn't it?
What that means is that your skin was too wet, you waited too long, you didn't pull hard or fast enough, you didn't pull in the right direction, or the skin wasn't stretched tight enough. Yeah, I know it sucks. Try again.
After a couple of intensely painful tries, you've probably figured out how to get it to work with roughly a 50% success rate. It's time to start working up the sides. You can get the 'taint, the back of the 'sack, the sides, and some of the top with the wax/gel.
Also, by this time, you've probably noticed a reddish color coming off on the strips that looks suspiciously like blood. Don't worry, the only reason it looks like blood is because it is blood. I mean come on, you're ripping your pubes out of the supple, delicate skin they've called home since you were like 13, you might as well pull razor-wire through a block of cheese. Calm down, we accounted for this. Why did you think I had you chugging straight from a handle of rum?
Step 4: Clean up Work
==================================
It's time to knock out all the hair the gel didn't work on. Get comfortable, and go in with the tweezers. There's good news and bad news here... actually, there's bad news and not quite as bad news. The bad news is this part is tedious, time consuming, and it hurts. The less bad news is that after three or four failed attempts with the gel, the few patches of hair that are left have just about given up on life and are ready to go down with all the mettle of an emo-kid on zoloft.
When you're done, I recommend a lukewarm shower and another few shots of booze. Your package now looks ridiculously goofy. Why did you do this again?
Ostensibly, you also left a huge mess all over the bathroom. This is less of a problem if you don't live here. If you do, a vacuum cleaner and a wet towel ought to clean up most of it.
Conclusions:
==================================
Well, there you have it. You'll be walking around awkwardly for a day or two, and hot showers may be ungodly painful for the first day, but you'll get through it alright. If God wanted everyone to be able to wax their balls, he'd have made it easy to do. Congratulations, and... wait... why did you do this again?
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-27 13:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please tell me this made B@W.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-27 11:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-05-14 21:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there's no reason to shave the whole thing for a guy...
I leave a little bit on top but shave the balls and inner thighs. I call it the 'porn cut'.
This post was great.
for shaver haters..... if your girl's reluctant to go down on you give it a try. it certainly makes it less nasty just like it is so much nicer working in a clean area for guys. no wet hair on the face, all skin exposed for maximum pleasure and no pubies in the teeth.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-27 11:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Post More.
No, not about your package, but actual writing type stuff.
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2007-05-16 09:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You Sir, are a brave, brave man.
Nicely done.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Extraordinarily relevant linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/92915
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-05-15 10:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-05-15 09:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know how much you would have to pay me to wax my junk?
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A stick of gum and the spare change from my couch?
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-05-15 10:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So Glad I'm not the only one!!!
I use the hair clippers too, (except I use em on my head first!) not bald but a damn short trim each week, keeps the fellas cool and the ladies happy. Give's an extra sense of size too, amazing how much meat those pubes hide! Did once foolishly jam the "cutting foils" of my industrial hair clippers right into the shaft, 10/12 little blood pissing holes in the side of your cock is not the desired effect.
There was one occasion (the first, the last) where a chick i had "internet relations" with (met in person, just lived some distance away - www.adultwork.co.uk - badass) had me shave from taint (aka gooch) to chest on a webcam - no fun whatsoever. Itching isn't the word I was fucking scratching the hairs right out of my skin for weeks! - FUCK THAT SHIT FOR A BAG OF BEANS (or for a fuck in my case, an itchy itchy painful fuck)!
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-15 10:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still think this is one of the funniest, most honest post/reply sessions I've seen. I AM going to print it out for my husband.
Zippo lighter... hahaha
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-05-15 10:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-05-15 09:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If we agree that the human body in its natural state is both vile and disgusting we can agree that man must modify that which nature has given us. Yes there are superficial things we can do like shaving and such, but I believe the answer lies in more extreme measures.
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so you are a big bear trap bushy beaver aficionado?
cool, and to think i was the only one in this day and age
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-15 10:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Cut a hole in the box.
2. Put your junk in that box.
3. Make her open the box.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-05-15 09:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you know how much you would have to pay me to wax my junk?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-05-15 09:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are lots of theories about the origin of body hair. Only one thing really unifies them all and that is that body hair, pubic hair, is natural, yet it is despised.
I believe that all this is symptomatic of people's loathing of the naked human body in it's natural form. I think it's a good thing really.
If we agree that the human body in its natural state is both vile and disgusting we can agree that man must modify that which nature has given us. Yes there are superficial things we can do like shaving and such, but I believe the answer lies in more extreme measures.
Infant body modification. 10 year olds are already getting full body waxes. Why not remove all body hair from birth? They'd never have to wax or worry again. The very young can be routinly conditioned from early childhood to violently physically react to unhealthy and undesirable foods that might cause undesirable affects. Of course these crude methods are only the beginning.
With the advent of the mapping of the human genome it has become possible to cosmetically enhance our offspring to an unprecedented level. I imagine a brave new world of homogenised beauty! The horrors of self loathing from our foul imperfections would be eliminated and a new era of mentally healthy humanity would reign supreme. You could actually say "I like people for who they are" and mean it.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-15 09:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:17:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Real Men use a Zippo® lighter.
Submitted by spyder882001 (user info) at 2007-05-15 09:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89685
okay after my post i learnes that one of those gillette fusion 5 bladed razors and their shaving cream works best. i have yet to cut myself and i have never naired again.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um...get some cordless clippers...set the length to 1 or 2 and trim away...not bald but not itching and it doesn't hurt at all
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Agreed. The #1 attachment is typically 1/8" length, and that's what I use. Just did it last night as a matter of fact. Then just take a wet razor to the shaft for trimming the strays and you're all set.
What???
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*the
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, waxing is pretty hardcore. All you really need is a Venus razor (yeah I know it's a girls razor, but you'll thank me), some lotion, and some baby powder. No razor burn or itchy.
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Or you could just get a girlfriend who doesn't want to make her boyfriends genitalia look like a childs.
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Pubic hair only serves the purpose of keeping the genitalia warm, and since we're not wandering around the wilderness naked any longer, there is no need to have thick, bushy pubes.
Personally, I shave b/c I hate body hair, and as someone said below (I'm too lazy to go back and see who it was), it's not sexy to have a pube hair stuck in your teeth/mouth. Most guys prefer their lady be clean shaven specifically for this reason, so wouldn't you agree that what's good for the goose is good for he gander?
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahhaaa, awesome. I usually just shower first, then use my hair clippers. I mean, sure I use them on my head afterwards, but I just showered, so it's not so bad, right?
Okay, you're right, it's fucking gross, but I really don't care. Also, it really sucks when you get your sack skin pinched in them sumbitches.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, waxing is pretty hardcore. All you really need is a Venus razor (yeah I know it's a girls razor, but you'll thank me), some lotion, and some baby powder. No razor burn or itchy.
-------------------
Or you could just get a girlfriend who doesn't want to make her boyfriends genitalia look like a childs.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-15 08:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, waxing is pretty hardcore. All you really need is a Venus razor (yeah I know it's a girls razor, but you'll thank me), some lotion, and some baby powder. No razor burn or itchy.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-05-15 05:18:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-05-15 04:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to pull them out and sprinkle them over tables in public restaurants
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so now i know what that is/was....
i can't believe the amount of experience listed on this post.
brr!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-05-15 04:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to pull them out and sprinkle them over tables in public restaurants
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 02:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some fuckers have no sense of humour round here anymore. What's with all these "stfu that's not how you do it" comments?
=------------
Who the fuck are you to tell people how to rate?
------------
Fuck you, I'll do what I want.
============
Well, so will everyone else.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 02:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some fuckers have no sense of humour round here anymore. What's with all these "stfu that's not how you do it" comments?
=------------
Who the fuck are you to tell people how to rate?
------------
Fuck you, I'll do what I want.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 02:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 16:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some fuckers have no sense of humour round here anymore. What's with all these "stfu that's not how you do it" comments?
=------------
Who the fuck are you to tell people how to rate?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-15 02:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some fuckers have no sense of humour round here anymore. What's with all these "stfu that's not how you do it" comments?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-05-15 02:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Real Men use a Zippo® lighter.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2007-05-15 01:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Get your self one of them 5 blade motherfuckers. its like shafing your face. you will build a tolerance. two weeks of itchy now for a liftime of looking like a 12 year old. even trade.
an dany of you guys out there that all up in arms about shving your junk remember this.
going down on a woman and getting hair in your teeth is no fun. she just might feel the same way. i know her feeling don't really matter, but blow jobs rock. plus chick with hair caught in thier teeth, big turn off.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-05-14 21:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to shave my face, chest, stomach, and junk. I use no creams or gels or aloes. That's how a real man does it.
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-14 21:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok...I'm a chick and laughed my fucking ass off at this. WELCOME TO OUR WORLD. It's not much easier being on the female end of things.
Kudos to you for at least giving it a shot. Now...would you talk to my husband? ;)
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-05-14 21:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there's no reason to shave the whole thing for a guy...
I leave a little bit on top but shave the balls and inner thighs. I call it the 'porn cut'.
This post was great.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-05-14 20:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was as funny as a cat in splits!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-14 20:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bet Fat Elvis didn't trim his pubes.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-05-14 19:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was hilarious. Bravo.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-14 19:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i like dreadlocks down there
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-05-14 19:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-14 19:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 good grooming. But waxing is pretty severe- a shave or even a Serious Trim is enough to make me happy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shaving your nuts is cool.
In my case, it adds inches and pounds to my nuts and shaft. (Of course, it's an illusion)
This post? Not so cool.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A man shaving his mannhood is simply emasculating.
Just because some metro(homo)sexuals say it's cool, doesn't make it true.
Remember when drinking poisonous Kool Aid was all the rage?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha. Hilarious and largely helpful.
Note to Self: Do not wax balls.
Submitted by Hagard (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Baldy
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-14 22:25:35 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Or, you could go with:
1) Lather up your nads
2) Shave them
That would save everyone a lot of time instead of reading this happy horseshit.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-14 18:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If only you had put this out earlier.
I used the wax, thinking "chicks are just whining when they do this, like everything else."
I decided, fuck trimming or preparation, I'm just going to get this over with.
I also decided that if this did actually hurt, I'd had best do it all at once.
If only you had put this out earlier.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus fucking christ
I'm now gonna grow my pubes longer just to spite your bald scrote.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah dude you don't need to wax your nuts. A little fuzz on the peaches never hurt anything and she won't gag during the teabagging. End of story.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-14 22:01:41 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never had a problem shaving my junk. I use my dads beard and moustache trimmer
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Now THAT is fucked up
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never had a problem shaving my junk. I use my dads beard and moustache trimmer to get it to a manageable length, then just shave away. All you need is some aloe lotion when you're done and it won't itch.
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I don't think daddy would like to know he wakes up every morning to your balls on his face
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Or, you could go with:
1) Lather up your nads
2) Shave them
That would save everyone a lot of time instead of reading this happy horseshit.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just dip the balls in a vat of Nair
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good. Lord.
You WAXED your fucking balls! Holy Shit! You have way more tolerance for pain than any guy I know.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
entertaining
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wax my back...
Fuck it, that's enough.
If'n a biznitch wants more, she can go whistle 'cause the razor option suits me just fine, thank you very much.
On a side note, this was freakin' hi-Lar-ious.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I usually shave my legs with conditioner. It prevents all irritation.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also done here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82938
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um...get some cordless clippers...set the length to 1 or 2 and trim away...not bald but not itching and it doesn't hurt at all
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
done here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/76048
have a 2 on faith that it got better/stayed pretty good/didn't get worse, my ADD wouldn't let me finish the whole thing and so it would be unfair to give anything less.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Shaving Private Ryan"
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-14 17:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never had a problem shaving my junk. I use my dads beard and moustache trimmer to get it to a manageable length, then just shave away. All you need is some aloe lotion when you're done and it won't itch.