Sliced and Diced (673 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BerZerK (View user info) at 2003-07-17 14:39:00 EDT
Hey All!
Just posting to let you know that I have surgery tomorrow on my leg.
They are removing a peice of my hip bone, moving my leg over and putting
a rod from the hip to the femur and from the femur to the knee.
My surgery is at 12:15pm and will last 3 to 4 hours. Lucky for me, the head
of orthopedics is my surgen. After the surgery (which includes a cathadar,ouch)
I will be in the hospital for 3 or 4 days, so don't miss me too much.
I will have a little push button for when I feel pain. I just push the button
and it shoots me up with morphine.
After that, I will be here at home for 1 to 3 months recovering, so you will
have PLENTY of time to hear my rants and random nonsense.
Just wanted to keep this post short and sweet and informative.
But screw that, I'll tell you a story.
When I was a kid, and could run around and play with good legs, I did the stupidest
things which should have, adveresly, broken my neck.
One time, I set up a ramp for my bike made out of cement blocks and a board. My
intent was to use the ramp to jump my back fence and land in the pasture behind
my house. So, I build the make-shift ramp, leaving some space between it and the
fence. I take my bike up the top of a hill. I put my 7 year old sister on the
handlebars and say "Ok, here's what we are going to do. I'm going to rush down this
hill, up the ramp, and then when we get to the top, we have to lean back so that we
will go up, and over the fence, landing safely on the other side."
What was I thinking? Of course at this she said "Ok."
So off I go.. racing down the hill at breakneck speed. We hit the ramp.. up the ramp,
it was going to work! I say "NOW!" and we lean back. Like E.T. But my engineering
was off quite a bit. The front wheel of the bike, instead of going up and over the
fence, went down, off the ramp and into the fence. This, naturally, propelled the bike,
ass end up, over the fence, sending us flying. I landed on the ground on the other side.
The bike, flew dangerously over my head. But where was my little sister?
She was hanging by her pants on the top of the fence. I picked her up, off the fence and
WA-LA we were on the other side! It wasnt't exactly as planned, but it worked.
-BerZ
User Reviews
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2003-07-29 13:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wherez Berz?
Is he malingering?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-25 19:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that story was HILARIOUS, Berz.
what Murphy said- i admire your positive attitude, as well. good luck, man. don't worry, you'll be back to fucking MEN in no time. (hahahaha, Indian Ocean must not read many of your posts)
Submitted by Nosferatu (user info) at 2003-07-25 19:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dont know you, but good luck. I had a friend who went thru a similar surgery
Submitted by RWang (user info) at 2003-07-25 19:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The most painful surgery i had was to replace my gums becuz it was too thin. So they had to take part of my roof out and sew it on to my gums. Disgusting.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-07-21 14:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck berz.
Submitted by Zoidberg at 2003-07-18 04:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmm guys with limps are hawt
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-07-18 00:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think Indian Ocean knows you too well!
Best of luck BerZ, let us all know how it went when you get back home.
Great story >:¬)
(Why am I in such a happy mood this morning?) Bowie on my cd player must be doing his trick. Mmmm, lovely Bowie.
Submitted by BerZerK (user info) at 2003-07-18 00:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. Hair, if it doesn't go through, try JamesR25.at.aol.com
-BerZ
Submitted by BerZerK (user info) at 2003-07-18 00:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Loki.
I would LOVE a Must See Uber file!
I'll talk to you guys in a few days!
xoxoxo
-BERZ
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-07-17 20:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I sent you an e-mail.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-07-17 16:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you don't have enough for the whole class....
Want us to make you a list of must see uber like we did for Loren or do you want to be surprised when you get back?
Love the Berz flight story.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2003-07-17 16:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
With Berz gone we can make fun of gay people!!
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-07-17 16:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck, great story
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-07-17 16:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good luck with every part of your surgery. Gosh, that would be a horrible thing for me, with a morphine switch and all those percocets they are going to be giving you.
Submitted by es0l (user info) at 2003-07-17 15:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hopefully you don't get screwed with an old, ugly nurse...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-07-17 15:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, BerZ. Hope it all goes well.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-07-17 15:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I will have a little push button for when I feel pain. I just push the button
and it shoots me up with morphine."
How do I sign up for this leg surgery stuff?
Good luck, Berz.
Submitted by turveytopsy (user info) at 2003-07-17 15:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with the surgery tomorrow.
Submitted by boxboy (user info) at 2003-07-17 15:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the funny story. I don't think i have laughed that hard in a while.
I hope the surgery goes well.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-07-17 15:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dona't you fuckin worry big man.. u can do this shit... easy.. you'll be fuckin ladies back in no time...
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-07-17 15:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seems like you're keeping a positive attitude. I admire that.
Good luck, Berzo.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-07-17 14:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get addicted.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-07-17 14:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that story is awesome!
good luck man, you'll be fine in no time :)