Medium Schmedium! (20604 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2000-01-29 05:30:41 EST
Yesterday I went to Jimmy John's near Wrigley Field in Chicago. When it comes
to the cold sandwich, I am not an adventurer, so I ordered the usual,
the "Number One".
The "restaurant" has one of those pop machines where you can go up and refill
your drink as often as you like. Since I was going to be eating my sandwich
there, I decided to order the small drink.
The conversation with the woman working the register went something like:
"I'll take a number one"
"Will that be all?"
"Uh... I'll get a small drink too."
"We don't have smalls, only medium and large."
and she pointed to the cups as though to say "this cup is the medium" and
"this cup is the large".
"Uh.... I guess I'll get the medium."
Then she rang up my order and I paid her. I continued the conversation:
"Why the medium? Why do you have a medium and a large, I mean why not just
call the medium the small? That way, you could have a small and a large."
"I don't know."
I don't think she was interested in my philosophical query, but it seemed to me
that the concept of "medium" could not exist without "small" and "large". Just
as good can not exist without evil, black without white, yin without yang,
certainly no person could argue that the "small" could not exist without the
"large". I mean, if you go to a restaurant that only has one size for drinks,
they are not called "large drinks" or "small drinks", they are just called
"drinks". You can't go to a bar and order a "small bottle of beer" because
there is only one true "bottle of beer" and no other. In a room where
everything is the same color, color does not exist.
The concept of "small" drink is based solely on the existence of "large".
Likewise, the third corner of the drink triangle exists due to the existence
of the first two. I mean, even though Curly and Larry were funny, it was always
Moe who would strategize the next day's events. Children learn the ABCs, never
simply the BCs. Bada-bing, bada-bang, bada-boom.
To attempt to manipulate the small-medium-large trisize cohesion is to tamper
with the nature of man itself.
Thus is the downfall of American spirituality. First came the drink. Then the
evolutionarily necessary differentiation occurred (aka "The Great Schism")
leading to the existance of two separate bodies: the small drink and the large
drink. Eventually their importance was diluted with the introduction of the
third body: the medium. No longer needing to make any real decision in life,
the medium became guaranteed safety for any televisionly rotted brain to
select while sitting in the McDonald's drive thru in the minivan at 6:15 pm on
the way home from the office. Finally, watered down bland tasting political
correctness bogged down the sizes to the point where "small" could no longer
function and "large" teeters on the edge of the soul.
We went from yin/yang to yin/martha-stewart-pastel-blue/yang to
martha-stewart-pastel-blue/yang until one sad day when we drop the yang.
All is lost.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-02-28 12:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OCD.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-26 16:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-15 15:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Taylor at 2004-11-02 21:36:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Am I the only one who realises that this is a bit off of frigging Seinfeld?
_______________
No, no you're not.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-25 05:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't stop, not with jgreening on the prowl.
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2005-10-03 14:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2005-05-23 03:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Taylor at 2004-11-02 21:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Am I the only one who realises that this is a bit off of frigging Seinfeld?
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-10-23 21:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was allright, but it seemed a little too serious. Maybe they were even out of medium cups that day.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fromaster at 2004-07-04 16:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I work at a place just like Jimmy Johns, and I too wonder why I can only sell medium and large drinks.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-06-11 13:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny stuff.
i conquer!
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-05-11 00:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this post is older than my hair
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-11 00:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the first good original post on Ubersite.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
some day all google searches will point to ubersite...
It... Is... Inevitable.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I try to get out, but it keeps pulling me back in.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clicked on this as it was in the just reviewed section.
It's over 4 frickin years old.
Wow.
And your point is still valid.
Well done.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bahahahahaha. That's hilarious, quack. You try to spend a few hours away from ubersite on the internet and it just sends you right back. It's a black hole.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-04-29 22:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok, what the fuck, bart. I was writing a final on the American Spirituality Movement and looking for resources, so i typed in "downfall of american spirituality" into google. and voila. back to ubersite i am directed. it's as if you're trying to distract me and/or take over the internet. egad!
made me smile.
Submitted by Sodomize_Hussein (user info) at 2004-04-07 01:18:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Look, I have a time machine and can travel too!
Your post is worse!
-2!
Submitted by Loper (user info) at 2004-02-09 07:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Marketing and philosiphy rarely mesh.
This is the type of thing that me and my buds used to talk about when I was in High School and we were bored (and, in all likelyhood, intoxicated with some controlled substance, legal or otherwise).
Nice try, but this is pretty far from new teritory.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-31 14:21:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-01-31 14:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
=P fashowz.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-11 00:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You made me very confused.
Submitted by hafguitarist6767 (user info) at 2003-11-11 00:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
sorry barto had to do it this topic has been discussed (granted not to my knowledge on uber) until it is dead and used before although in all fairness because its the first tiem to my knowledge on uber im only gonna give you minus 1 instead of 2
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-09-15 13:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What Id like to know is why american waitresses refuse to take orders unless its exactly how its written on the board.
I ask for a large coffee I get told I should be saying Grande. I ask her if she wants me to eat there, and if she does she should just get the equivalent.
I won. I got a large coffe in a grande cup. Ding ding round one to the Brit!
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2003-09-15 13:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Don't laugh) Way back when I was in daycare, we watched one of the "Pippi Long-stockings" movies (I said "don't laugh"!).
What did that have to do with anything?
Well, in one of the movies, they are selling eggs in some open-air market. Or someone is selling eggs. In some movie. It may not have even been that movie. But some 14-year old (or so) girl with red hair was watching some family sell eggs at an open-air market. They marked "small, medium, large" on their eggs. No one bought the small, a few bought the medium, and most bought the large. Enter market-savvy red-hair'd girl. She goes, "can I do something?" and takes the cards with the egg sizes, writes some stuff, and instead of "small, medium, large", they have "large, extra large, and huge". All of a sudden, everyone's like (paraphrased) "ohhh!! Huge eggs! WTF OMG!!!11! j00r 3ggZ r0x0rZ ima buy all urs coz their so leet!"
The point illustrated is pretty obvious: The sizes can stay the same, but the names are changed (to protect the innocent). All they have to pay for is the printing cost of changing the names on everything. Good strategy. Capitalism rocks. Caveat emptor.
The above doesn't have that much to do in McDonald's case; what happened there is this: They wanted to save on cup creation costs. They said "ok, smalls... you are gone." So medium is the smallest. As Bart started, the name "medium" has been robbed of all real signifigance, and is now used only as a place-holder name.
I just wanted to point out the egg-zample (bwahaha) because I believe that to be the most driving case of portion-name alteration.
--JW
Submitted by senseiofmattitudev1 (user info) at 2003-08-26 03:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have pondered this myself. There are different sizes, btw, because what if they arent sitting in the store?
Nice.
Submitted by Nosferatu (user info) at 2003-08-26 03:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
anyone who gives bart a -2 is awesome. not that i dont like bart, i thought this post was good. but it seems that everyone gives him 2s for no real reason at all except that he is bart. funny post though, if not pointless
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-08-22 17:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2003-08-07 18:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yumm. Jimmy Johns.
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2003-07-19 20:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had that same shit when I tried to order a pizza once. I called and asked for a small pepperoni pizza. The dickwad said they only had medium, large, and extra large pizza. I said "oh, I guess I'll just have to call somewhere else that has smalls then." And hung up. People piss me off sometimes.
-Bus
Submitted by DavidAdventurer (user info) at 2003-07-19 19:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I understand why companies abolish "small" to make things seem larger, but what really pisses me off is idiotic employees who, instead of being apologetic about it, actually "correct" you. McDonald's have a similar tactic: they call the small portions of fries "regular", meaning normal. This is bad enough in America, but in the UK it's even worse because "regular" is not used to mean normal, so "regular fries" makes even less sense. On the occasions someone forces me to eat there, I ask for small fries and the dickhead behind the counter with half my IQ "corrects" me. It's even worse abroad. I mean, in Italy they call them "patatine regolari" which makes absolutely zero sense. At least in the UK people have heard Americans using regular to mean normal, but Italians must regularly ask themselves "WTF is so irregular about the other fries then? Are they crinkle-cut? Are they not available every day but at arbitrary, irregular intervals?". It's got to be one of the stupidest translations ever. In any case a better word for regular fries would be "microscopic".
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2003-06-28 17:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it IS a kickass comment. I simply kick ass.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2003-06-28 17:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahhahaha.... +2 but not just because of the article...
Also because of Yidele's awesome post.
Submitted by Berz (user info) at 2003-06-13 15:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"those pop machines"
Does everybody on the east coast refer to soda as pop? In cali we only call it soda, unless you are around the age of 65-75 you might call it pop.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-05-21 18:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was probably on Bored at Work.
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2003-05-21 13:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yidele: stop trying to make yourself sound clever. You clearly are so why and use every word in the dictionary of words nobody uses to back that up?
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2003-05-21 13:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart: there is no way that this has over 5000 hits. I think you are putting that in yourself to make it seem as though that many people are looking at it.
Anybody else think the same?
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-04-17 14:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The small drink was in your pants, Bart.
Submitted by UberUser3A141-59 (user info) at 2003-03-26 20:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Very interesting... although Chicago tastes funny, you get a point off for that
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2002-11-09 20:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fascinating! cup size through the ages or theology of dixie cups ... If *I* were to draw theological/philosophical notions from implied cup size, *I* would base them on something closer to my heart - cup size. To me, the epitomy of sizeist attitudes is the obsession with breast size. I would like to start out by saying that I am all for this spontanous demonstartion of mammalian prowess; Breasts are beautifull in the same way that truth, beauty & pudendae are. Everyone knows that more is better - this is a basic belief in our self-centered consumerist society. It is borne out by our attitude toward anything considered worth having - toothbrushes, cars, houses, incomes, lovers, orgasms, space shuttles, aircraft carriers - This is the reason why ( according to cosmo & the like) all women should be multiorgasmic, all (male) children potential quarterback-heisman/noble laureates , all (female) children future presidents of the united states & all men sensitive & strong, ballet trained, genius lumberjack-pornstar-doctor-lawyers. That's right! Why settle for the ordinary when the prevailing ethic screams that you can eat your cake & stay trim? Why limit yourself to the merely good when you can spend your days in futile masturbation knowing that better is just around the corner? The better is the enemy of the good - just as the extra large is the enemy of medium. There really is no reason to settle for anything at all, especially if you can manage to stay in that golden moment when everything is potentialities & anticipation; why disappoint yourself with having to choose? Why make up your mind & follow just one of the many paths available to you when you can forever dream in the "you've got such potential" phase? The marketing folk have overlooked one small, but important detail in their ceasless drive to sell us more of whatever - the physical limitations of the receptacle. Where are the people with bladders to match 72 oz disposable servings of mountain dew? What good is a tit so huge that it can't be carried without constant back pain & kevlar bra panels? what good ? who knows, they are fun to look at , tho'..
Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-11-09 14:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-10-29 14:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Again, my point is being made for me. PAS is coming through to find all of Bart's post to kiss his ass after feeling like a fool.
I hope when Bart one day rules the world, he remembers how PAS bashed ubersite and sends her to Uranus.
Jason"
This is getting silly.
1. What is wrong with constructive criticism...I made suggestions how I thought the site could be improved.
2. I've been looking at (and responding to) a lot of old posts because I'm new here. You seem to enjoy bashing the new person, almost like a bully.
I think it is sad because I think (hope) you are better than that. For one thing you like Hendrix* so by definition you have cool music taste. I also like Hendrix. I like The Doors (hence my username). Maybe you think The Doors suck so me saying that isn't really making any difference! I dunno.
I don't accept you having a problem with me when Bart doesn't seem to. Like you say it is his board and if anyone is entitled to have a problem with me it is him. I don't accept you carrying on your dislike of me to other threads, it looks like you want to follow me around the board only to slate me.
It all seems a bit of a wasted effort to me, if you are doing this in order to get a reaction, because in future I am not going to reply. I will ignore you until you are civil.
That's it.
PAS
*unless Hendrix is your surname?
Submitted by 88888 <88888.at.logicbomb.net> at 2002-10-29 13:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent article.
Now, small no longer exists, if you've noticed, and you seem like someone who would notice.
It's Medium -> Large -> Xtra Large
WTF? and tell me this.. what is going on with our insanely growing soda portions? about 10 years ago.. there was a can(12oz) and a bottle (16oz).. cool. Then came 20oz bottles, and 16 oz cans. ok, still. whatever.. then 24oz bottles and 1 liter bottles..
I think shaq's monster thirst for pepsi is solely responsible. Or so they would have us believe. Not to mention the "Grant Hill drinks Sprite". I watched sales rocket in my own small town(pop.2000+-) after that one. I know a kid who used to drink about 2 2liters per day. Am I crazy? or are they shooting cola/soda down america's throat harder than ever before? 7-11. what is their current BIGGEST size now for $0.99 ? something like ULTRA CHUG? and McD's recent GET A 44oz Coke for 59 cents!
damn.. lay off BIG COLA! YOU SUCK!
Submitted by dpcoe (user info) at 2002-10-29 08:53:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is the world we made... live with it...what can I do... i'm just one man... at least thats what I thought, until monday night when I took guerilla action against "The Man" let me paint you the picture.
Monday evening I go to the cinema to see "Donnie Darko" buy ticket, no probs, procure popcorn and medium sized beverage, no probs, aquire best veiwing position (front row!), no probs, spotty herbert comes into cinema to inform us all that "there will be no showings tonight due to power cut", Major fucking problemo! but hey they're willing to refund my ticket, all I have to do is queue for 45 mins, forget the fact that I had to take a 40 min drive to get there and that I bought sweets and shit... so I snuck behind the Hot dog counter and stole Hot dogs for me, my friends and anyone passing who looked hungry!, then we moved on to the drinks and popcorn, until we were feeling sick but happy, take that cinema corporation "pow" we ate for free "Wham" and so on and so forth...
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2002-10-29 08:22:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Again, my point is being made for me. PAS is coming through to find all of Bart's post to kiss his ass after feeling like a fool.
I hope when Bart one day rules the world, he remembers how PAS bashed ubersite and sends her to Uranus.
Jason
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-10-28 17:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two years and 9 months later and this is still being read. You the man, Bart. Huh? :p
I agree, it's dumb and annoying and just plain wrong. Bet it made you feel a bit dirty eh?
I've noticed Pizza companies in the UK no longer sell pizzas in small, medium and large. No, it's now medium, large and super. <fx Big Gay Al> I'm super, thanks for asking...
Bastards, like you say they're disturbing natural energies.
And I hate the way goods are priced £1.99 or £4.99, as though you're meant to think it isn't actually costing me £5, only £4......and 99pence. Bloody marketing dipshits.
The way cinemas (movie theaters - look I even did the correct USA spelling my foreign acquaintances) charge such a high amount for the smallest sized drink and a minimal difference in price between that and the next sizes up, that they are only giving you the illusion of choice.
But what I'm really interested in is why you and Ryan Donovan are at fisticuffs. Maybe it is playful banter between two friends. Maybe he is jealous that you have the #1 spot. Maybe it's because all he's good at is film reviews? Be interested to find out.
Peace
PAS
Submitted by Daydreamer (user info) at 2002-07-14 21:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice piece... and i especially love the addendum of spelling corrections ++
Submitted by d d at 2002-05-17 14:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol, i spelt "spelling" wrong in the phrase spelling corrections
how ironic...
Submitted by d d at 2002-05-17 14:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
speeling corrections: (in order of appearance)
crack, such,(verb tense) gone.
man, im bored at work
Submitted by d d at 2002-05-17 14:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
youre on craqck buddy.. do u go throught life analyzing suck small details of everyday life? your wasting way too much precious time. like the time you wasted writing such a pointless article.. you couldve.. i dunno.. go outside and pick up some litter of the floor, or help out someone in some way.. or do something constructive..
man, you are the epitemy of "hurting"
Submitted by miksmix (user info) at 2002-03-15 06:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, god bless America!
This really does sum up all that is wrong with life on your side of the pond!
Submitted by mike <mikki.at.sofunky.com> at 2002-02-07 15:00:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What is the point of having different sizes of drinks(with different prices ) when you can refill your drink for free ?
Submitted by Brent <larrymilleraqdir.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-01-14 16:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
According to a marketing-guru friend, the elimination of the small drink started with a certain fast food chain in order to sell more large drinks to its female customers. Supposedly, the demographics showed that men are more likely to order the largest sized drink, and women are more likely to order the medium sized drink. If the medium sized drink is a large, then that's what women will order. The idea is that men are gluttons, and women are afraid of getting too little or too much. By eliminating the "small" drink and introducing a "super size" in one fell swoop, the average customer will now buy more of the fast food industry's most profitable item. It makes sense to me, but not when there are only two sizes.
Submitted by OH BART <HUH.at.WHATTHEHELL.GOV> at 2001-11-17 15:14:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BART, WHY DONT YOU CALL ME, WE NEED TO HOOK UP AGAIN
Submitted by Random Joe at 2001-06-05 11:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Highly entertaining, humorous, and philosophical
Submitted by ryandonovan (user info) at 2001-02-05 22:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who knew Bart was capable of such wit, humor, and insight, all at the same time? Then again, sit a monkey at a typewriter long enough, and eventually you get 'War And Peace'.
I enjoyed how the piece began as a light-hearted poke, and then deteriorated into a furious attack against society as a whole. I had no choice to read the words faster and faster, as Bart cleverly set the pace. It's too bad that he's never this entertaining in real live conversations.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2000-07-18 02:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment