English Study Concludes Eminem 'Bad for Music Industry' (1536 hits)
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Submitted by Quartermain (View user info) at 2003-07-23 10:34:26 EDT
30 Reasons Why EMINEM Is Bad For Music
by Dr. Albert Oxford, PhD
London Institute of Culture and Rap Studies
1. Bigotry
Eminem is famous for rampant anti-Semitism. His recent hit Without Me complains "...well the FCZ won't let me be," apparently referring to the Founder's Conspiracy of Zionists, a supposed secret Jewish mind-control plot often mentioned in Neo-Nazi literature. Why doesn't somebody take him to task on this?
2. Get the man a therapist
Eminem brags in his lyrics that he has named his penis "Haley" and refers to it constantly in his latest songs. And we pay to listen?
3. Get the man a therapist part 2...
The "Haley" references include this bizarre and deeply disturbing threat toward his mother:
"Ma.... Haley's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful!
But you'll never see her, she wont even be at your funeral!"
4. Get the man a therapist, part 3...
Did you notice that the famously homophobic Eminem refers to his genitalia as "she?" Why can't we get help for this man?
5. The backwards mask
When played backwards, several of Eminem's songs reveal curse words, including several instances of the word cr*p.
6. Sexism
Women are nothing but mindless receptacles for sex in Eminem's world, as evidenced by his current hit Hot in Here where he issues these commands: "It's getting hot in here... so take off all your clothes." In the chorus a female voice responds in submission, "I'm gonna take my clothes off." A terrifying look into a misogynist fantasy.
7. Read between the lines, part 2
If you listen closely to Without Me Eminem threatens another man that "you could get your ass kicked." At best, this is a reference to vindictive animal cruelty, at worst it's a curse word and should not be allowed in music. If you interpret it as the latter, replace the "a" above with an asterisk.
8. Why isn't he in jail?
Eminem repeatedly brags about his criminal background, even stating in one early song that he would "rock the mic like a vandal." Is this the role model you want for your children?
9. Worse than stealing
Enormous sales of Eminem albums in recent years have detracted from those of far superior artists, such as Elvis Costello and Indigo Girls. There are rumours that they will file a lawsuit.
10. Bigotry, part 2
In his hit film 8 Mile (which sources tell me is a reference to the supposed length of Eminem's penis) the star issues this shameful "battle rap" tirade toward an African-American opponent:
Get yo' negro rhymes out my white face
You don't try to mess with the master race
I'm gonna use rap to bring back slavery
Then I'll shave your 'fro in my shavery
I bust Aryan rhymes from the phrase to the letter
'Cuz anything blacks can do, whites can do better.
11. Entertainment takes a brain
In his song The Real Slim Shady Eminem commands followers to "circle the parking lot" in their cars, and in the next line commands:
...please stand up.
Put one of your fingers on each hand up.
This would be impossible to do while driving.
12. The numbers don't lie
Eminem is rap's most popular artist; but a 1998 University of Chicago study proved rap is the least enjoyable form of popular music, probably due to its horn deficit. Rap scored an 8.6 on the Henderson Audiological Good Scale. By comparison, the study found that Classical music scored a 16.9, Christian Rock a 19.6, and a spectacular 22.4 for ska.
So why do rap fans pretend to enjoy it?
13. Why isn't this man in jail? Part 2
Eminem confesses to several murders in his lyrics (see Bonnie and Clyde '97) and after more than five years of an intensive homicide investigation, police still have no evidence that Eminem did not participate in the murder of rapper Tupac Shakur.
14. What century is this?
Did anyone else find it disturbing that all of the black characters in Eminem's hit movie
8 Mile were played by Caucasian actors in blackface?
15. He's a fraud
Listen closely to the beautiful chorus of the song Stan. Do you hear it? That's not Eminem's voice. Why don't you give credit to whoever really did the singing, Mr. Eminem? I guess he's too young to have heard of Milli Vanilli.
16. It's not true music
If you listen closely, you can hear that Mr. Eminem's background music is generated by a machine, and in fact Eminem does not know how to play a musical instrument. Isn't it strange that we have made this man a millionaire, when he is an inferior musician to even I, who learned to play the tuba in High School? Further, music theorists prove that true music must contain a horn section. To quote Greek philosopher Asquintas:
Oh horn
The sword with which thou sad is shorn
Men hath no frown when their world is horned
Your golden blowsong, which demons hath hated
Like a brass flaresnake, longing to be inflated
17. Read between the lines
Some of the lyrics in another recent hit, Closet, could be interpreted as being insulting to his mother (his mother being Michigan Senator Wilma Shady) and to his father (Leave it to Beaver star Jerry Mathers). Eminem relates an apparently traumatic experience when his father "split" but in reality, his father returned just two hours later.
18. Why isn't he in jail? Part 3
Eminem's song from a few years ago, Cop Killer, encouraged violence against police and is considered one of the ugliest pieces of music ever written.
19. Did I mention he should be in jail?
In Closet Eminem proudly declares, "I got skeletons in my closet." It is widely thought by me that this is the skeleton of Tupac Shakur. Have the police not heard this recording? Wouldn't this song be grounds for a search warrant?
20. Cinematic Idiocy
Speaking of 8 Mile, the final scene had the audience I watched it with howling with laughter. There is almost no way to disarm a nuclear device using only rap.
21. Original? Hardly
The song The Real Slim Shady is a cover of the Roy Orbison song of the same name, released in 1976.
22. The occult connection
In the lyrics of Without Me, Eminem confesses he "created a monster." It is widely thought that he performed a ritual of Jewish mysticism to raise a Golem. From the text, it was apparently constructed of chopped liver, wheat, and hard liquor.
23. The occult connection, part 2
It is widely thought that the aforementioned Golem went on to become Andrew W.K.
24. Know the Man
Eminem's hair is not naturally yellow; he dies it chemically. Such physical dishonesty has long been an indicator of weak character. To quote Sartorius:
Beware the man with a tinted mane
For it is theft thou soul doth contain
He longs for your brother's oxen
He longs for your boy's ass
When he is near, keep both well-chained!
25. Bringing out the worst in us...
Eminem glorifies cold, unfeeling amorality with the lyrics:
Ice, ice, baby. Too cold, too cold.
Ice ice, baby. Too cold, too cold.
26. Excuses, excuses
Eminem claims in Cleaning Out my Closet that he is a victim of "Munchausen's Syndrome," apparently as a way to defend his anti-woman attitudes (Derrick Van Munchausen was the real name of troubled 80's pop star Rick James).
27. As further evidence...
In his hit Mongrels, Eminem states:
Impure races
In nonwhite places
Gonna rearrange your face
Like Trading Spaces
See anything wrong with those lyrics? That's right; they're stolen word-for-word from the hit Unwhite Holocaust by Simon and Garfunkel.
28. Verbal filth
To quote the song Kill You:
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't goin' never stop beefin' I don't squash the beef
Why would we let our money support this growing and malignant anti-vegetarian movement?
29. The incomplete performer
Hey, Mr. Eminem. Standing still and moving your arms slightly is not dancing.
There is no question in my mind that any performer who won't take the time to learn the art of dance should not be allowed to sign a record deal. To quote Farquitheus:
The rod of joy smites the male
Whose limbs hath flail
Jump! Flail! Jump! Flail!
I have soiled myself.
30. Conspiracy of silence
It is widely thought that Eminem was one of the key players in covering up the faking of Tupac Shakur's death.
User Reviews
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2006-06-08 20:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-06-25 04:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The FCZ and Haley lines were hilarious.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-06-01 01:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**Not funny, except for 'London Institute of Culture and Rap Studies.'**
I still think this is several different kinds of funny, personally. The phrase 'London Institute of Culture and Rap Studies' reminds of that old Sesame Street song about 'which one of these things just doesn't belong here.'
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-05-28 04:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It is widely thought by me"
BAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2004-05-28 04:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not funny, except for 'London Institute of Culture and Rap Studies.'
Hehehehehehehehe...
Submitted by D.E.R <smartass3613.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-28 04:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Mr. doc i do not know what were you thinking when you wrote this shit. this is slander and reckless disregard. If i was Em, i would have sued your mothufuckin' slander paper.
most, if not all, of this Bullshit is false.
whats the matter your jelous, hhu, punk ass muthfo.
Submitted by this sucks <nigga.at.aol.com> at 2004-03-28 17:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
who would write such shit dont even bother reading it is useless and half of it is false so to dr. phd who ever you were this is a bad article. hahaha
Submitted by Tim Hudd <timhudd.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-18 12:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So much of this is incorrect that i presume that it is some sort of joke. If not, then this person is narrow minded and obviously quite old. You don't like Eminem fine, but your argument is at best paper thin and at worst libellous.
Submitted by Beedub at 2004-02-21 13:10:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've read this before, hopefully you only take credit for submitting because you did NOT write this. Anyways it was still funny.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2003-09-18 20:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Women are nothing but mindless receptacles for sex in Eminem's world, as evidenced by his current hit Hot in Here where he issues these commands: "It's getting hot in here... so take off all your clothes." In the chorus a female voice responds in submission, "I'm gonna take my clothes off." A terrifying look into a misogynist fantasy."
Up to this point, I was deeply considering this person was real and this was what he had to day. However, after reading this, I had to reach one of two conclusions:
1.) This man is a raving lunatic who has no idea what he's talking about, or
2.) This is a fictional account of social criticism
I choose the latter. If not... I have no respect for "Mr. Dr. Albert Oxford" any more. But I'd put money on it being a fictional account.
Whatever it is, it was entertaining.
--JW
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-09-18 19:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is quite entertaining and informative. Although I am not certain that all of the songs you mentioned are, in fact, performed by Eminem (nee Marshall Mathers), but there is enough information here to make a good case that we should all run out to our local music store, buy his albums and then smash them. Only to return later once the stores have replenished their stock, and then smash them again. Eminem is a blight on society and should be boycotted. Kudos to you, Edward Quartermaine, for bring this charlatan to my attention.
By the way, a lot of the reviewers here don't seem to understand your heartfelt contentions. Idiots.
Submitted by LazyFatAss (user info) at 2003-08-22 14:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds like propaganda bullshit. Most of this is lies. Stupid.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-08-22 13:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, that is not a real Roy Orbison song. Although he did do 'Love Hurts' before Aerosmith recorded their more widely known version.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-08-22 13:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone who did not see SATIRE written all over this post: Thank you for existing! You brought joy to my life.
Did roy orbison really write a song called that?
(+2)
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-08-22 13:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still think this is funny, even after a month or two. Aparently though, some people refuse to get to ge the joke. Oh, well. Can't please everyone.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2003-08-21 20:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still funny.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2003-08-18 02:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not funny. Zero for effort. And on a side note, thinking of Eminem's penis makes me shudder.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-08-18 02:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a parody - a joke... i.e. ***NOT*** serious.
And very funny.
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-08-18 02:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"When played backwards, several of Eminem's songs reveal curse words, including several instances of the word cr*p."
That is perhaps the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-08-18 01:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-23487569, this is fucking horrible
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2003-07-30 23:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-07-24 20:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I *heart* this.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-07-24 00:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"22. The occult connection
In the lyrics of Without Me, Eminem confesses he "created a monster." It is widely thought that he performed a ritual of Jewish mysticism to raise a Golem. From the text, it was apparently constructed of chopped liver, wheat, and hard liquor.
23. The occult connection, part 2
It is widely thought that the aforementioned Golem went on to become Andrew W.K. "
AAAAAAAAAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAH
This the best fucking thing ever!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-07-24 00:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparently, much like Eminem himself, I'm either loved or hated.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2003-07-23 22:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that's infotainment! A great read, more please.
Submitted by colonbowelI (user info) at 2003-07-23 22:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not very funny
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-07-23 22:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-07-23 22:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK ALL YOU IDIOTS GIVING THIS NEGATIVE SCORES.
this took geniuine inventiveness, and is fucking funny.
+2 for you, my man.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2003-07-23 14:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Bleeeh..... not REALLY funny
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-07-23 14:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STOP POSTING THIS NOT FUNNY SHIT..
U FUCK..... IF YOU READ THIS AND FOUND THIS FUNNY.. YOU HAVE ZERO SENSE OF HUMOR.. DIE.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-23 13:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's up with all the penis talk? i thought Haley was his daughter...?
funny stuff, Q-man.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-07-23 12:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
its too long, its not that funny and its actually kinda stupid.
Its actually really stupid, -2.
Submitted by Pacifist248 (user info) at 2003-07-23 12:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2003-07-23 12:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I got the joke, but I just thought it sucked. When people post something with satire, don't immediately think people -2 it because they missed the joke. Look at my first reply.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was funny as hell.
I'm just waiting for some child to tell me I 'need to stop hatin'
Submitted by Fritolay (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell. Where was this published?
Submitted by Goldneyes (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always thought it was the FCC. Hmmmm
I didnt read the rest of the post, too many words for my head to comprehend today
Submitted by PopNFresh (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That really wasn't very funny
Just boring
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahaha...
Submitted by DavidAdventurer (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's not very funny, because some of those things are almost true.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny enough for me to read all the way through.
Submitted by Alabama (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And definitely another +2 for
"If you listen closely to Without Me Eminem threatens another man that "you could get your ass kicked." At best, this is a reference to vindictive animal cruelty, at worst it's a curse word and should not be allowed in music. If you interpret it as the latter, replace the "a" above with an asterisk."
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's a joke, Don't get bent.
Submitted by Alabama (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hysterical! Sounds like a satire from SNL, like from the Church Lady.
Submitted by MaesterMeat (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man you had me for a second... I was going to reply stating that Mathers says FCC and FCZ but then I realized I just got fucking punked.
Mathers is ok in my book. Most people foam at the mouth when I say that, and I can't understand why because they can never explain why it's so wrong to like eminem expect for the fact that he's popular. You also get the moral issues bullshit but I'll never listen to one word of that crap.
Submitted by HotMaleDotTom (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
""28. Verbal filth
To quote the song Kill You:
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't goin' never stop beefin' I don't squash the beef
Why would we let our money support this growing and malignant anti-vegetarian movement?""
+2 for that
Submitted by EnchantorTim (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus guys, its a JOKE
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They say that true genius is misunderstood, maybe you are too.
Submitted by HotMaleDotTom (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
awww, fuck it. it was worth a point for what-the-fuck style creativity
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-07-23 11:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Looks like the losers below don't get it.
Dickheads.
Submitted by HotMaleDotTom (user info) at 2003-07-23 10:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sorry i finished now. what a load of crap.
+98 for eminem hatred
-100 for stupid bullshit
Submitted by HotMaleDotTom (user info) at 2003-07-23 10:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eminems daughter is named haley
Submitted by qmakowski (user info) at 2003-07-23 10:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i get some of it, besides that it's one of the worst posts i seen...
anyways he refers to his daughter... his penis just doesnt make sense...
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2003-07-23 10:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, just not very funny.