The Gym Sucks. Help Me (664 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.18 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grownasskid (View user info) at 2007-05-16 10:18:48 EDT
I'm a big fat ass.
This isn't news to me, or to anyone who knows me. I'm portly.
Chubby.
Wide.
Stout.
Late period Brando.
But I'm trying to fix it. I've stopped drinking exsessivly 5 nights a week. I don't stop at Wendys on the way home before dinner. I eat this gross, slimey, fruit stuff. I'm losing weight.
But now, I've got to start going to the gym.
Sucks.
So I'm asking for help from the Uber-community. Help make the 40 minutes of cardio I have to get a day seem less goddamn bleek and hopeless. Help me assemble the most badass, mind removing, face melting running mix of all time.
I've got the ipod. I've got access to all sorts of music. Now I just need the right songs to be the soundtrack to my weightloss.
Help me people.
Mic Jagger COMMANDS IT!
User Reviews
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-05-17 11:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Either a mix cd like the one I listen to at the gym - called Best of The Brit Awards I think.
Or get a book on a cd - there's loads in the book shop. Get Hitchhikers.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-05-16 23:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Raining Blood- Slayer, Ruin- Lamb of God, Love?-Strapping Young Lad, Funeral Thirst- The Black Dahlia Murder
That should get you started.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-05-16 22:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ever seen a fat methhead? Me neither.
Meth is the answer to question you have not yet asked, which is "How skinny do I want to be?"
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-05-16 19:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The theme to Rocky, dick. Jesus, was it that hard to figure out? Put it on repeat.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll let dr perry cox answer this one:
Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.
Turk: What?
Cox: Do you understand the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle.
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls.
seriously, it works. when you're running and want to stop and walk, just grab some fat and remind yourself how much you hate your body.
works for me!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
maybe some NPR podcasts and Enya?
just kidding POWER METAL!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you put together a 30-minute tape of techno, how about after your first workout you just jump in front of a moving car and get it over with.
What a fucking terrible suggestion.
Then again, let's consider the source.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And you have to listen to the grunting and groaning of butch singles trying to will themselves out of a menstrual cycle so they can spend more time focusing on their traps.
Unless you go to one of those sexy gyms where they only let hotties in naked.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, meant to link to the posts below, not specific reviews. But you get the idea.
And anything is better than the soundtrack at an all-female circuit training gym- I have to listen to shittier, sped up remakes of shitty songs, and can't listen to my mp3 player because I'll miss the cues. Once, it was a 30-minute long All Cher, All the Time medley. I'm not kidding.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74618#1585909
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69041#1400351
Somebody did a cool post on "what would your entrance music be" last year, but I can't find it. That's sure to have some inspirational stuff on there. Dig around.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44243
Good luck!
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-05-16 16:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul is right. Techno is awesome for working out for some reason. I think its cause it has good rhythms you fall into and its typically intense. Also metal, cause it gets you stoked up! When I'm running and slowing down if Ace of Spades by Motorhead comes on I kick it up a fucking notch.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-16 13:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-16 11:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you need internet people to lose weight?
what willpower!
you will remain a fat ass.
------------------------------------------
I don't need internet people to lose weight, but I do need them for some new ideas about what to listen to.
any suggestions?
===
any techno, whether you like it or not (i don't), is the best music for cardio - i think.
it's psychological.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-16 13:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oingo Boingo and Yello always get my mojo working during a good gym session.
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-16 11:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you need internet people to lose weight?
what willpower!
you will remain a fat ass.
------------------------------------------
I don't need internet people to lose weight, but I do need them for some new ideas about what to listen to.
any suggestions?
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-05-16 11:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 ha ha fatty.
You could go down the Metal route, System of a down etc - specially if you're feeling angry too! Or you could look into some euphoric happy hardcore - (assuming you're DLing your tunes, any "hardcore" compilation'll do. Proper banging, pumping, happy tunes - I use them for raving, taking loads of drugs and dancing like a twat till my legs won't dance anymore - does the job.
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-16 11:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and also, for jogging I recommend something with good chugg factor, like SOAD, Rammstein, anything ponderous, but for sprinting, definitely power metal
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-05-16 11:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wanna get in shape? good for you, I recommend some Iron maiden/ any power metal bands, with fast hard riffs and the like
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-16 11:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you need internet people to lose weight?
what willpower!
you will remain a fat ass.
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
people can say what they want about shlongy, but the man gives good sass.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Dickies is perhaps, the most important part of your weight-loss program.
When you listen to something like, sayyyyyy, "Sounds of Silence" or "Nights in White Satin" played at approximately, 110mph, you'll be running sub 4-minute miles on the treadmill and dropping pounds at a rate of 8 pounds per hour.
Don't fucking argue with me, Chubs. Get to work on that mix tape.
Just LOOKING for some of this music alone should help a fat blob like you lose 2-5 pounds.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Nothing says I love to lose weight like Frank Sinatra.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 after shaving my beard I look like Fat Elvis. I love Fat Elvis.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Gasoline prices hit a record high for the fourth straight day Wednesday, according to the daily reading on gas prices from AAA, and more records could be on the way.
The motorist group says the average price for a gallon of self-serve unleaded gasoline was $3.103 in its latest reading, which is based on a daily survey of purchases at up to 85,000 gas stations. That's up from Tuesday's record of $3.087 a gallon, and up 2.3 percent in just the last week and 8.6 percent over the last month.
Gas prices hit a record high for the fourth straight day Wednesday, according to the AAA survey of up to 85,000 gas stations.
Before Sunday's record, the highest price ever recorded in the survey was $3.057, which was set Sept. 4 and Sept. 5, 2005, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, which disrupted refinery operations and pipelines and caused a temporary spike in prices. But on Sunday prices topped that mark for the first time, hitting $3.064, followed by $3.073 on Monday.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rocky Soundtrack
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I recommend the Black Keys and Rage.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like Stuck Mojo, although they are relatively unheard of for most folks. If you don't mind silly cover songs of music of all genres there is Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fat Boy Slim...
and Fat Elvis
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here you go:
http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Music-People-Various-Artists/dp/B000009CD0
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
40 minutes of Ramones, Bad Religion, Rancid, The Dickies, NOFX, Dropkick Murphy's oughta have you sweatin' the pounds away in no time, fatso.
************************************
Damn it, Schlongy needs to start hating on me again, 'cause I've been agreeing with/LOLing at the stuff he writes more and more.
...
As far as the weight-loss goes, I do a cross-trainer for around 40 minutes a day, followed by either upper-body (push-ups, pull-ups, dips, etc) or lower-body (crunches, sit-ups, leg lifts)
You'll find that, eventually, if you miss out on your regular exercises, you start to feel all slugish and depressed. Natural dopamine is a wonderful thing.
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Get diabetes, helped me lose 48 pounds
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And some olivia newton john.
"Lets get physical"
C'mon!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I recommend lots of Fat Elvis.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I gotta agree with shlongster.
"Barroom hero". and "The gangs all here"
The murphy's will stomp a green hole in your face
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll find some music for you. It has to have a strong beat, of course.
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
appriciated, shlong-o. But i cant get into the dickies.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-16 10:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
40 minutes of Ramones, Bad Religion, Rancid, The Dickies, NOFX, Dropkick Murphy's oughta have you sweatin' the pounds away in no time, fatso.