Ninjas vs. Al Sharpton (592 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.32 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by garudave <misterkick.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-05-16 12:22:07 EDT
Three ninjas garbed in black were in another galaxy, trying to stick their dicks in a black hole, when they caught word of Al Sharpton's latest shenanigans regarding Don Imus. They folded space to get back to Earth as fast as possible, and landed right outside of a black pride convention. Since they still had time, they picked up fifteen chicks and all had sixsomes.
Meanwhile, Al Sharpton was preaching some bullshit, as usual. His fat ass was even eating a twinkie on the podium, as he shouted with the passion of a bull getting fucked in the ass. Of course, all the black people agreed with his anti-white anti-America shit, and eventually they all settled on going back to Africa to fight AIDS. Unfortunately, afterward, half of them smoked dope and forgot about the plan and the other half couldn't settle on a good date to do it.
After the ninjas got done fucking the supermodels, they returned, and Al Sharpton's slow ass was still migrating to his BMW. He had started on another twinkie, and Hostess cakes just aggravate ninjas, so they started their attack. One threw a ninja star that cut the twinkie in half, and another sweeped Al Sharpton off of his feet with a shadow kick.
Al Sharpton started to cry help, but all the cops in the area were white supremacists and had already heard enough of his voice that day. The three ninjas teleported so that they stood around him, and each one took turns urinating on his face. Just like a turtle, Al Sharpton couldn't get off of his back because he was too fucking fat. "Stop! Stop! Don't you know who I am?!" Al Sharpton shrieked, as piss trickled into all of the fat holes on his fat face.
The ninjas paused. "The juggernaut, bitch?" one of them said in Space Japanese, and they all had a good laugh. Sharpton was terrified even more. One of the ninjas busted out a smoke bomb and exploded it on his face, and when he could open his eyes again, they were gone.
An hour later, he had gotten up and started to cry. His BMW was only 30 yards away, so it was about another hour before he made it there, and ten more minutes before he got the keys ready, and another twenty so he could squeeze his fat ass into the driver's seat. The lard around his eyes narrowed his vision, so he didn't notice the ninjas sitting in the other three seats in his car until they laughed. One of them put a kunimitsu to his throat and the other two started spit acid on his bald spot.
Al Sharpton yelled like a little girl, and started to shit his pants in fear. The smell of shit enraged the ninjas, so the one in the passenger seat kicked him through the door. He was laying on his stomach, manically trying to get to his feet, but one ninja put a foot on his back to hold him down. Another one started to undo his pants, but the third slapped him in the dick. "That would be unclean! Use the nunchakus!" he screamed ferociously. "The shitty ones." The other one nodded and pulled out a pair of standard nunchakus.
Sharpton was still crying like a little bitch, as the ninja drove the nunchakus into his lard-encased hindhole. Blood seeped out, but it was black, just like Sharpton's soul. Disgusted, the ninja with his foot on Sharpton's back kicked him in the teeth. He misjudged the force of his kick and accidentally kicked Al's jaw off. There was blood everywhere, Sharpton was screaming, it was complete chaos.
Galactus arrived. "Motherfuckers." His voice was as loud as a tornado destroying a preschool. "I need a piece of that." The ninjas stood back, but left the nunchakus in Al Sharpton's ass. Galactus grinned, the ninjas grinned. He lifted Al Sharpton and ate him whole. "Goddamn." Galactus picked his teeth. "I'm full."
They all had a good laugh and went back to the black hole, taking turns fucking it.
THE END
User Reviews
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-05-17 07:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
would have pirates done a better job?
hmm.
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undoubtedly.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is so good
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-05-17 09:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
His ass ate a twinkie? That's awesome.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-05-17 07:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Where's the value in this type of writing?
Terrible.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-05-17 07:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
would have pirates done a better job?
hmm.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-05-16 23:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-16 23:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats REAL ultimate power.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-05-16 23:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
watch out, Robert Hamburger
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-16 18:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-16 15:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you sound like the love child of BOSHman and Fat Tony
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-16 13:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2007-05-16 13:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The other two spit acid on his bald spot.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-05-16 13:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You remind me of this guy...
http://www.realultimatepower.net/
If the ninjas had been wailing on electric guitars while they were banging the chicks, it would have been perfect.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm rating this on the title alone.
I'll go read, now.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ps, i double majored Marketing and Space Japanese in college
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my favorite part was with the ninjas
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
classic
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really expected this to be shit, but it actually wasn't too bad. Good for a laugh, at least.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this, but the title alone warrants a +2.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-16 12:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I drank draft beer all night last night and I REALLY have to shit.