APW: Albrecht Durer (960 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: apw
Rating: 1.73 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2007-05-16 17:08:47 EDT
Wikipedia, the hydrocephalic cousin of the Encyclopedia, has something to tell you about this guy:
Albrecht Dürer (May 21, 1471 - April 6, 1528) was a German painter, mathematician, and, with Rembrandt and Goya, is one of the greatest creators of old master prints. He was born and died in Nuremberg, Germany and is best known for his prints, often executed in series, including the Apocalypse (1498) and his two series on the passion of Christ, the Great Passion (1498-1510) and the Little Passion (1510-1511). Dürer's best known individual engravings include Knight, Death, and the Devil (1513), Saint Jerome in his Study (1514) and Melencolia I (1514), which has been the subject of the extensive analysis and speculation. His most iconic images are these, his woodcuts of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (1497-1498) from the Apocalypse series, his "Rhinoceros", and his numerous self-portraits. Dürer probably did not cut his own woodblocks but employed a skilled carver who followed his drawings faithfully.
I find this biography a bit limiting, as it says nothing of his tryst with Marie Gustave-Hardenne, the Felange de la Doucherie nor does it explain why having penises on his elbows gave him such an edge over his contemporaries. Here's a hint - it all has to do with balance. It doesn't discuss his crippling addiction to jelly beans, either. Stupid Wikipedia. Dürer had one son named Jimothy Nurer, who was forbidden to take his father's name after he proved himself a tard. Albrecht came up with a more appropriate name, inspired by the sound his son frequently made. Jimothy Nurer's bloodline is alive and well in the modern era, most notably in the form of one Jeffrey Wellman.
Whatever. Enjoy. Or don't. Blow.
User Reviews
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-19 00:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FYI: the whole hatemadness thing is professional. Beers are on me 'till you puke if you ever come to eastern PA.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-05-17 08:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-05-17 08:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-17 08:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Danke.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-05-17 01:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
is it just me or is the guy in the 4th one getting his knob polished by a child?
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-17 00:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The artwork is pretty amazing. I'm envious.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-17 00:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108379#2415557
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-16 23:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm losing my mog at episode 4 imma f up my presentation and oversleep and get fired i can't stop
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-16 23:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-05-16 22:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What is the round-butted little vixen in pic #4 trying to do to the dude with the cross?
Iffin she moved to the left or right, Saccy could see the wood she so craves...
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Apparently all of the Old Testament patriarchs were ripped.
Who knew?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-16 22:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hydrocephalic +2!
Submitted by Realpolitik (user info) at 2007-05-16 22:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an original Durer woodcutting, it is called THE MASS OF ST. GREGORY.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-16 22:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In college we did an entire chapter on this guy. I never had so much fun as when I got to pronounce his name. ALBRECHT DURER!!!
LEEEEROY......JENKINS!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-05-16 22:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What is the round-butted little vixen in pic #4 trying to do to the dude with the cross?
Iffin she moved to the left or right, Saccy could see the wood she so craves...
Good post, Mr. The Orgasmatron...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-16 22:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liek ur picz post pls
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-05-16 20:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome.
Nice one!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-16 19:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kickass
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-16 19:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
maybe I will, mayyybeee I will.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-16 19:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Feel free. Grab some Crayolas and make your own APW whydontcha.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-16 18:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i want to colour these in.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-16 18:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
liked em
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, in this case, there's still time.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And I wish I had a dime for every time my ex-wife sucked another guy off before we split.
Bygones...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wished you showed your actual wood.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you showed the actual wood engravings instead of the black and white prints of them...
but w/e
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eve has as flat and muscular a chest as Adam.
I'd say that maybe chicas didn't need big ol' milkflaps before the Fall, but they're clearly ashamed of themselves because they're sporting leaves, so it must be afterwards.
Adam should have told the big man to use his prime rib. Not one of the scrub ribs.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The rhino also appears to be wearing that jeweled horn that Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones and Wilt the Stilt had to find in that second Conan movie. You know, the one that was supposed to bring that god back to life so he could have sexy time with some stupid blonde bimb or maybe that darkhaired slut that had all the power.
CROM!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did someone just say omlette?
Why yes, that'd be lovely.
cool stuff right here.
(4 eggs mind, god damn you)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That rhino is totally wearing a short sleeve, leopard print sweater.
And could Eve LOOK any more like a man?
Woodcuts are cool.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-16 17:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dürer. Whatever.
Who has time for an umlaut?
I mean really.