Hatemadness: BLITZKREIG_BOB (1181 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.43 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2007-05-18 12:38:48 EDT
Dear BLITZKREIG_BOB,
I apologize for the lack of material but after numerous attempts to come up with reasons to hate you it occurred to me that I don't know the first thing about you. You'd think after being here for 4+ years you'd be memorable for something. Anything, really. Something users of all ages could call to mind and say, "Yea, truly THIS is the essence of BLITZKREIG_BOB!"
Unfortunately I can't name a single thing I've enjoyed from any of your posts or reviews because it seems none of them were good enough to remember. Yes you've got that rubber band launcher thing, and that's all fine and good, but I totally thought BuckeyesTHEGAME came up with that post. Oh and apparently you're from some coalfuck town in Pennsylvania too. I really don't even have to say anything about that - Pennsylvania is enough of a joke on its own.
All that I have to go on is that you like "the clown face." The 'Category: Humor' icon. That's it. That's the sum of my BLITZKREIG_BOB experience. I can quote lines from the movie My Blue Heaven but I can't name any of your posts. I'm sorry, champ, but you've got all the personality of a cadaver's twat. I've taken dumps that are more memorable than you. If you're this forgettable online, I can only imagine how interesting you are in real life.
Wait. Yes I can. I can picture what watching fruit bats urinate must feel like.
You do have that OMFG NURR ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME name going for you, though. You should really work that more. Could you not find a capitalized underscore to use? You know, to really bring the room together. Rocking a name like that means you're either 5'0 or have a wang the size of a piece of Orbit gum. A big name won't help the fact that you're a teeny man, or a man-man with teeny parts. I'm sure Shlongy can send you some books on overcoming your inferiority disorder if you're interested. Lord knows they didn't work for him.
I'm sorry that you feel small and that you've the charisma of a menstrual cramp.
But like Bruce Hornsby said, that's just the way it is.
Suck me, Napoleon. Hope you get black lung.
Love,
Orgasmatron
PS - The next time you come up with an internet handle or username, be a dear and take the time to spell it properly. Your fuck up embarrasses us all.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/blitzkrieg
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-21 16:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wants to try a vanilla-bran oat crunchy below.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-05-21 11:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have any pasta?
oh. MACARONI and cheese!?!
and the salad comes with... ITALIAN dressing!?!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-21 08:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-19 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2007-05-19 01:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I challenge your wifey Sacrilicious to a TOPLESS hate off
tickets start at 5 bucks a piece
===
But where you have planets, I have teeny little meteoroids. Plus I LOVE you..THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
$10/tix and it's a deal.
=================
Can I call my local Ticketmaster for this premiere event? I want BOX seats!!!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-05-21 00:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
consider this a "ur cute" +2
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-05-19 20:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Suck me, Napoleon. Hope you get black lung.
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2007-05-19 15:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i was expecting some poetry...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-19 15:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-19 15:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2007-05-19 01:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I challenge your wifey Sacrilicious to a TOPLESS hate off
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How does this Tuesday sound?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-19 01:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-19 00:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BB's is slightly better, but "Suck me, Napoleon" was a nice touch.
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Im drunk
but you never bothered to purvey THAT stereotype.....
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I never bothered because I never knew. Because you're 2 unkool 2 be remembered 4 something.
You're tapioca, don't you see? Or a phantom dump that doesn't actually happen - it just turns out to be a lot of gas and maybe a drop or two of light brown ass fluid.
This round was such a disappointment.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-19 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2007-05-19 01:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I challenge your wifey Sacrilicious to a TOPLESS hate off
tickets start at 5 bucks a piece
===
But where you have planets, I have teeny little meteoroids. Plus I LOVE you..THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
$10/tix and it's a deal.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-05-19 02:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loverly HATE!!!
It was great that BB thought it was good, better because Orgcasmo was egging everyone else on after they posted.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2007-05-19 01:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I challenge your wifey Sacrilicious to a TOPLESS hate off
tickets start at 5 bucks a piece
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-19 01:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-19 00:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BB's is slightly better, but "Suck me, Napoleon" was a nice touch.
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When Uber's resident drunk/hippy agrees with it's resident drunk/warmongerer only one thing can emegre: MORTAL KOMBAT FATALITY
Im drunk
but you never bothered to purvey THAT stereotype.....
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-19 00:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BB's is slightly better, but "Suck me, Napoleon" was a nice touch.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-19 00:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-18 22:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how can i build up on my defense when i encounter a side kick?thnx
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Jump over the kick. Kthxbye.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-19 00:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2007-05-18 23:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i red his B4 i red URs and U got pwnt.
this is only: MREEEH! SEMI-PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE!
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But Blitzkreig_Bob is only semi-memorable. If that. Semi-interesting at best.
As such, this is all I've got. I mean really, it's like trying to describe the taste of water.
Everything up there's true but the black lung comment and request to suck me.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2007-05-18 23:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i red his B4 i red URs and U got pwnt.
this is only: MREEEH! SEMI-PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE!
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-05-18 22:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh....at least you didn't write some faggot poem about him.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-18 22:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I has thin legs but strong bones. i dun feel pain when i get kicked at my shins.?
But when i have small legs,probably my defense will be weak? how can i build up on my defense when i encounter a side kick?thnx
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-05-18 21:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-05-18 21:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hate from THE Orgasmatron.....
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Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 17:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DAVE KRIEG IS THE ONLY RESPECTABLE PART OF THIS POST.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS GENUINE AND FROM THE HEART. BESIDES THE BIT ABOUT BLACK LUNG. AND SUCKING ME.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-18 17:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, dont be fucking with my man Dave Krieg...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-18 16:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that was gayer than this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=M8ONXRJfKfU
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish someone would hate on me :(
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WELL FUCK YOU WITH PEANUT BUTTER JELLY AND A BASEBALL BAT, SINISTRAL
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, okay...now I'm REALLY leaving for the day. Wouldn't want to get roped into this HateMadness crap or anything like that. ^_^
See you later, Orgastricfawn and Pap Smourge.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-18 15:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I refuse to be the deciding vote in either contest, so I'm giving you both +2s. Nice work gringo.
===
Pussy.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MERE MINUTES! NOT EVEN AN HOUR LATER!
ZUT ALORS!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SO WE'LL SEE YOU REVIEWING BACK HERE IN AN HOUR OK THEN?
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Naw...you must have me confused with Shlongy. He's the one that sucks so bad at golf, he browses Uber from his PDA on the course while looking for his balls. (Scrotal variety included.)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SO WE'LL SEE YOU REVIEWING BACK HERE IN AN HOUR OK THEN?
[THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY BLITZKREEG_BOBBE. FOR THE VERY BEST IN FORGETTABLE, MARGINAL ENTERTAINMENT, MAKE YOURS BLITZKREYG_BOHB TODAY!]
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not that I *would* record any more, since I'm officially retired from posting. But I had to include that for old time's sake.
Goddamn is it ever boring around the office today. I think I'm-a going to take off for the golf course shortly.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I refuse to be the deciding vote in either contest, so I'm giving you both +2s. Nice work gringo.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What will Orgamsmatron post next? Will it be:
-A renaissance picture, with poetry pasted onto it?
-A bunch of name-dropping tombstones?
-More crappy poetry?
-A lameass contest?
-Somebody else's bandwagon?
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..."an Uber-centric song parody that his butt-buddy CaptainThorns will record within a month"
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry bro, had to pick a winnar
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
BB deserved better than this.
Hey ho, let's go.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
QUIT BEING SUCH AN e-'MO, JEAN
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
loser
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this fucking contest.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 14:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What will Orgamsmatron post next? Will it be:
-A renaissance picture, with poetry pasted onto it?
-A bunch of name-dropping tombstones?
-More crappy poetry?
-A lameass contest?
-Somebody else's bandwagon?
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EVIDENCE THAT PEOPLE KNOW WHAT IT IS I'M CAPABLE OF DOING. UNLIKE YOU.
STOP BORING US WITH YOUR EXISTENCE AND MOVE ALONG PLS.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CHLOROPHYLL?!?!
MORE LIKE BORE-O-PHYLL!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I very much like where I live, thank you. My town kicks ass.
(Sorry about Hazleton).
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'M ONLY GOING TO USE CAPITAL LETTERS IN MY REVIEWS HERE SO I CAN BE COOL LIKE THE BIGGEST LITTLE MAN ON UBERSITE, BLITZKRIEG_BOB! YAY!
OH DEVASTATING I SPELLED HIS NAME WRONG. I MEAN RIGHT. I MEAN WRONG.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm From Pennsylvania and I can tell you, you're absolutely right.
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FINALLY. THANK YOU.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's fun to watch.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When they close lake Erie to swimmers because too much fecal matter was on the beach, you have problems. You have even BIGGER problems when 3 days later, people go back because the feces has subsided to the deeper parts.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm From Pennsylvania and I can tell you, you're absolutely right.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I likey.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, concise and clear. i approve heartily.
also, i've been saying this, 'Lord knows', a lot lately too.
odd, that.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh, fruitbats
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You've probably been waiting for this to show up so you could analyze it and build your reply around it haven't you, big man? Don't you fucking lie to me. You're the sort of guy that sits in a bathroom stall and waits for the Type A dude next to him to poop, dress, wash his hands and leave before even beginning to move your bowels. You've got balloon knot stage fright don't you?? DON'T YOU???