Stupid (128 hits)
Category: Noneno reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Poots (View user info) at 2007-05-20 12:50:57 EDT
I am not bright. Nope. Not too much. I wouldn't say that I'm entirely retarded but I wouldn't go as far as to say that I am not not dumb. I mean I am. Dumb I mean. I will, at any minute, be on the verge of self righteous brillance only to find that I am sticking the proverbial foot in my sloppy mouth or stinky butt. I am capable, by decree of the people who work in fine factories and chain restaurants I have had the pleasure of myself serving, of screwing up/pun the wettest, nastiest, creamiest dreams one could concieve. There should probably be an extra comma in that last sentence somewhere but hey, I'm the town idiot so I get to get away with it. Smart people really are missing out. I mean it seems so hard to be so smart. It really does. What a burden it must be to be all enlightened on a different level of consciousness. You see a peon...GAH..is what smarties must proclaim while the "enlightened on a different level of consciousness" salavia glands perk up to an extreme level as you prepare to spit forth some awesome spew of smartness. Good god. Mandibles.
I guess it's works for me. I can't play the guitar and I look faggy in a backpack so I trod along being as dumb as I can. Awkward as it may make some situations it works. So without further adoo...no...adeau....maybe, I present you with Poots' recently dumb list of dumb things Poots has done that were dumb recently.
-I was at work as am now. Sharing the space with a coworker who happens to be a female who is not here at the moment. This female was all crazy, for a month or so up to that day, about her sorority sister having twins. She was all "OH MY GOD SHE'S PREGGGNNNAHNT" and sometimes should would be like "SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TWWWWINS!!1234567891101112." This went on for the first two weeks of tha month I mentioned earlier. After the second week she came in forelorn and wrought with tension. "What is wrong sister?" I asked politely.
"You know the sorority sister of mine that was pregnant" she queried in a queer* way.
"Of course I know about the sorority sister that is pregnant of which you speak. All you've done is jiggle around work and talk about how excited you are that your dumb ass sister is going to poop out two babies from the same hole. How stupid would I really have to be to forget about something that you talk about incessantly you crazy bitch. I mean I would really have to be a numb skulled son of a bitch wouldn't I?" Is what I wanted to say as I glared a whole through her for about 1 or 2 seconds.
I think I said, "Yep," or something to that effect as I cleared my throat and pulled daintly at my tie.
"Well, she lost one of the babies," she did that thing where people want to smile and frown at the same time. One of those please feel sorry for me but I don't want you to think I want you to feel sorry for me I'm just dealing with it and this is my way sort of looks.
I felt horrible and I'm sure I consoled her to some degree, although I can't recall doing so, and went about my day. Saddened, for petes sake, by the burden of the loss of some strangers kid whom I secretly thought I would maybe one day get to help name.
The day went on without further incident and, to my knowledge, without any noted dumbassedness from yours truly.
So another week goes by and my coworker arrives at her usual 15 after time to punch in and has that same look of dispair she shared with me not only a week ago. Everything actually went down in the same manner it went down the week prior and I recall making a stupid joke about deja vu.
So it was about mid-shift when she looked at me eyes racked with tears and says, "hey poots I'm feeling sad would you tell me a joke please?"
Feeling up to the challenge I blurt the first joke out that comes to my mind which happened to be "Why did they staple the dead baby to the chickkk en?" I felt my eyes go wide and my hands slapped my face to cover my dumb mouth. "I'm sthorry I'm sthoe sthorrry."
After about 5 minutes of me wallowing in mindless apologies she was cool about it and told me finish the joke. So I did. She didn't get it.
*there wasn't anything queer about the way she asked the question I just wanted to be clever which I'm sure I failed at. thank you. No, she was actually um sad.
That story was way longer than I expected it to be so I guess I'm done here. I have some work to do anyway. Alls well have a good day.
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