25 Reasons Why I Am Moving To Tibet To Become A Goat (908 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.38 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Scott James Is Coming To Rob Your house (View user info) at 2007-05-22 09:22:48 EDT
1) Goats do not loiter in the streets, begging for money and selling the Big Issue.
2) A goat will not get upset if you forget it's birthday five times in a row and only call home when you are in need of money or if it's Mother's Day.
3) A goat will not ruin your shit for smoking. In fact, all goats smoke a pipe and wear slippers.
4) A goat can hold it's beer and drink until sunrise, unlike your lightweight friend who gets drunk really early and thrown out of the club before midnight and thus ruining the evening for everyone.
5) A goat is impervious to criticism. It has no language except for an ubiquitous roar that means either "I am hungry", "I am thirsty", or "Bring me my pipe and slippers"
6) Goats are great thinkers. This is why they spend most of their time alone and on the top of mountains, away from the dull chatter of everyday life and the girlfriend who wines and complains that you only shower once a month.
7) A goat has a keen appreciation of silence and feels no need to fill it with nonsense, babble or what it's mother-in-law really thinks about you.
8) All goats love chilli. The hotter and spicier, the better.
9) All goats eat meat and think that eating grass is for sheep and losers.
10) Goats are scientifically proven to be stronger and scarier than Hulk Hogan, Darth Maul, and trolls that live under bridges.
11) The most common name in the goat in the universe is "Dennis Hopper" for a boy and " for a girl. The least common for either sex is "Michael Jackson"
12) The phrase "As agile as a mountain goat" stems from an obscure but pivotal moment in goat history when Dennis Hopper III bequeathed his superior knowledge of martial arts and ping-pong to a young traveler lost in the wilderness of Tibet. That traveler would go on to be come Sir Bruce of Lee.
13) A goat does not get angry or sad. In fact, it is not a slave to it's emotions at all. Whatever a goat does, it is meant to do, and cannot be judged by puny human psychoanalysis.
14) All goats believe that the path to inner peace begins by stealing road signs.
15) All goats enjoy going to the cinema in peace. Troublemakers dispatched with lightning bolts from a goat's eyes and fireballs from his arse.
16) Goats don't believe in conspiracy theories. Chiefly because if any shit was to go down then they would be the ones to plan it and take the credit.
17) Osama Bin Laden wishes he was a goat.
18) So does George W. Bush
19) All goats brush their teeth with syrup.
20) All goats think that queuing outside nightclubs is really stupid.
21) All goats have beards.
22) A goat is made of 110% silver, 75% electricity and 45% mahogany.
23) Goats appreciate that organised religion is meant to celebrate those things that unite us rather than divide us.
24) Goats invented ice-cream, All-Star Converse trainers and thunderstorms.
25) Goats like beer. Preferably warm but sometimes cold. It makes no difference when all you want to do is get drunk.
User Reviews
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-05-25 06:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That sounds about right, yeah. God, I wish British Comedy was as good as that now.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-05-23 12:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Blackadder the Third episode Ink and Incabability had this line from Blackadder himself: Sir, I have been unable to replace the dictionary. I am therefore leaving immediately for Nepal, where I intend to live as a goat.
Tis that you are thinking of?
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-05-23 12:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't remember exactly but I think it was whatever Blackadder where House was the Prince of Wales
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-05-23 07:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Troublemakers dispatched with lightning bolts from a goat's eyes and fireballs from his arse
Isn't this a line from Braveheart? (sans goat reference)
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-05-22 22:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So your saying you want to become a goat and inherit all of these "qualities"?
Does that mean that currently your the opposite to all of this?
I get it now...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-22 18:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-22 15:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
watch out, Tibet is full of chinks with AK-47s
Submitted by Nugk (user info) at 2007-05-22 14:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You Forgot
26) Goats take it up the ass and bite the pillow.
You'd be a good goat.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2007-05-22 14:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pure awesome in a sugar cone.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-05-22 13:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like goats
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-05-22 13:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
22) A goat is made of 110% silver, 75% electricity and 45% mahogany.
_____________
it's a fact.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-05-22 13:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
WTF?
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-05-22 12:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
12) The phrase "As agile as a mountain goat" stems from an obscure but pivotal moment in goat history when Dennis Hopper III bequeathed his superior knowledge of martial arts and ping-pong to a young traveler lost in the wilderness of Tibet. That traveler would go on to be come Sir Bruce of Lee.
Bruce Lee +2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-05-22 12:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wasn't the original quote from season 3 of Black Adder?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-05-22 12:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-05-22 12:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goats have SERIOUS attitude. Don't fuck with a goat.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-05-22 11:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goats rule!
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-05-22 11:51:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I were a goat now... never thought I'd want to BE a goat... but now... I do.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-05-22 11:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd like to be an undead goat
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2007-05-22 11:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Scotty, rove you rong time, right?
This would have been funnier if it was bears.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-05-22 11:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to thief this, and email to everyone I ever did meet.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-05-22 10:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-05-22 10:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-05-22 10:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My grandma has a goat with giant goat balls.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-05-22 10:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, but sheep go to heaven and goats go to hell
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-05-22 10:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fallen off the wagon below.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-05-22 10:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I did stop drinking and smoking for a time. I have intermitent relapses of both though.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The wife almost got me a goat a few years back 'cause I like goats. That's it. No punch line here. Just a factual statement.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have a great chance at pulling this off...seeing as how you already look like a goat...or a jackass.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
11) The most common name in the goat in the universe is "Dennis Hopper" for a boy and " for a girl. The least common for either sex is "Michael Jackson"
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Forget to go back to that one??
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Dammit! I wrote this with a monster hangover. It was meant to read "Commander William Adama".
Bollocks.
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I thought you quit drinking??
Fuck it, just have ytour +2.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
25. As a goat, pissing in public won't get you a spot on the sex offenders list for indecient exposure. Nor an assault charge for pissing on somebody you hate.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
random awesome
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
11) The most common name in the goat in the universe is "Dennis Hopper" for a boy and " for a girl. The least common for either sex is "Michael Jackson"
--------------
Forget to go back to that one??
----------------------------------
Dammit! I wrote this with a monster hangover. It was meant to read "Commander William Adama".
Bollocks.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
11) The most common name in the goat in the universe is "Dennis Hopper" for a boy and " for a girl. The least common for either sex is "Michael Jackson"
--------------
Forget to go back to that one??
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-05-22 23:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOHOOO
I LOVE GOATS!!!
More goat related posts.
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I am not going to go there.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
5) A goat is impervious to criticism. It has no language except for an ubiquitous roar that means either "I am hungry", "I am thirsty", or "Bring me my pipe and slippers"
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Hahahahahaha!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-05-22 09:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOHOOO
I LOVE GOATS!!!
More goat related posts.