Things a Man Should Never Do After the Age of 30 (958 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: delete
Rating: -1.13 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ruby Spears (View user info) at 2007-05-23 18:56:20 EDT
Yes, I borrowed this from Esquire. It is great and I agree whole heartedly:
1. Use the word party as a verb.
2. Shots.
3. Body shots.
4. Jell-O shots. Especially Jell-O shots.
5. Read a book with the words Zen and the Art of in the title.
6. Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.
7. Help friends move.
8. Ask friends to help you move.
9. Crash on a friend's floor or couch.
10. Refer to breasts as "chesticles."
11. Experiment with facial hair.
12. Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.
13. Apply paint to your face for any reason at all.
14. Own beer-drinking paraphernalia.
15. Own a skull bong.
16. Know the names of the current Real World cast.
17. Remove your shirt in public--unless there is sand and a large body of water nearby.
18. Use the word dude, except when referring to a ranch or a well-dressed Englishman.
19. Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself.
20. Own a futon.
21. Own a beanbag chair.
22. Hang art framelessly.
23. Hang tapestries.
24. Drink malternative beverages.
25. Don a puka-bead necklace.
26. Google ex-girlfriends.
27. Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail.
28. Engage in pranks involving airborne food.
29. Own a Lava lamp.
30. Pool hop.
31. Live with someone you don't sleep with.
32. Share a hotel room with someone you don't sleep with.
33. Play fantasy sports.
34. Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.
35. Sleep past 10:30.
36. Refer to a woman's genitalia as her "nappy dugout."
37. Cook exclusively on a George Foreman grill.
38. Wear a jersey with the name of a professional athlete on the back.
39. Employ any other pickup line besides "Hi, my name is _____. What's yours?"
40. Listen to Pink Floyd.
41. Use Internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL.
42. Shave any part of your body except your face.
43. Enjoy Jerry Bruckheimer movies.
44. Run with the bulls in Pamplona.
45. Attend Mardi Gras, Carnaval, or Burning Man.
46. Own a fish tank.
47. Fall asleep in public.
48. Call drugs by their street names (e.g., junk, smack, or whitebag).
49. Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and screaming, "It's go time!"
User Reviews
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-05-24 14:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this was neither very big or clever
Submitted by Malcontent (user info) at 2007-05-24 13:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am pleased to know so many men here wake at the crack of noon, paint their face and shave their balls while sitting on a futon, smoking from a skull bong watching "Kangaroo Jack."
Manly men indeed.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-05-24 10:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hm
i do/have pretty much all those things and i'm as manly as can be.
i'm not 30 yet though.
either way, this was stupid.
cya!
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2007-05-24 08:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Most males do more than half the shit on this list. The cool ones anyway.....
Only fruity ass losers who read Esquire will agree with this list.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-05-24 03:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
#50 Drop a deuce like this and call it a post.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-24 03:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-23 22:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
<edited>
It boils down to:
a) Why not?
b) What if he's in shape?
c) The fuck would he do that anyway?
or (in the case of "malternative beverages)
d) The fuck are those?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-24 02:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Get fucked
Submitted by Realpolitik (user info) at 2007-05-24 01:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
41. Use Internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL.
Just how will men get on To Catch A Predator? Touche Douche
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-05-24 00:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey lungfish, what about Link Wray? I'll bet he's not in there either. He was probably the first white guy to seriously rock out on an electric guitar.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-05-23 23:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-05-23 22:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Post sucks.
29 and 40 are wrong.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-23 22:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was gonna respond to all of these, but fuck it, most of my answers boiled down to:
a) Why not?
b) What if I'm in shape?
c) The fuck would I do that anyway?
or (in the case of "malternative beverages)
d) The fuck are those?
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
50: Look to magazines for advice.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Floating down through the clouds
Memories come rushing up to meet me now
And in the space between the heavens
and in the corner of some foreign field
I had a dream
I had a dream
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I do nearly all of these things.
*
It's things a MAN shouldn't do after 30.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bay City Rollers. Heh.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aaaargh! That's infuriating.
Stupid asshat popularity contests.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:04:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And Tom Waits. But that goes without saying.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I do nearly all of these things.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 21:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither are these guys:
B-52s
Badfinger
Barry White
Bay City Rollers
Big Star
Black Flag
Blasters
Blood, Sweat & Tears
Blue Oyster Cult
Boomtown Rats/Bob Geldof
Boston
Cars
Cat Stevens
Cheap Trick
Chic
Commodores/Lionel Ritchie
Cure
Darlene Love
Dave Clark Five
Def Leppard
Devo
Dick Dale
Dionne Warwick
Dire Straits
Donna Summer
Donovan
Doobie Brothers
Edgar Winter Group
Emerson, Lake & Palmer
(Small) Faces
Fairport Convention/Richard Thompson/Sandy Denny
Foghat
Foreigner
Free/Bad Company
Fugs
Gary Glitter
Graham Parker & the Rumour
Gram Parsons/Flying Burrito Brothers
Hall & Oates
Harry Nilsson
Heart
Herman's Hermits
Humble Pie
Hüsker Dü
J. Geils Band
J.J. Cale
Jeff Beck
Jimmy Buffett
Joan Baez
Joe Cocker
Joe Jackson
John Cougar Mellencamp
John Mayall
John Prine
Johnny Hallyday
Johnny Kidd & the Pirates
Johnny Rivers
Johnny Winter
Journey
Kraftwerk
Kool & the Gang
Leonard Cohen
Little Feat
Loggins & Messina
Luther Vandross
Manfred Mann
Minutemen
Mitch Ryder & the Detroit Wheels
Montrose/Sammy Hagar
Mötley Crüe
Mot�rhead
Mott the Hoople/Ian Hunter
Nazareth
New York Dolls
Paul Butterfield
Paul Revere & the Raiders
Peter Frampton
Peter, Paul & Mary
Phil Ochs
Poco
Pointer Sisters
Procol Harum/Robin Trower
Quicksilver Messenger Service
Randy Newman
Raspberries/Eric Carmen
REO Speedwagon
R.E.M.
Replacements
Return To Forever/Chick Corea/Al DiMeola/Stanley Clarke
Rufus/Chaka Khan
Rush
Scorpions
Siouxsie & the Banshees
Slade
Sonic Youth
Sparks
Spencer Davis Group
Spinners
Spirit
Status Quo
Steppenwolf
Steve Miller
Stylistics
Styx
Ted Nugent
Television
Thin Lizzy
Three Dog Night
Tom Waits
Tommy James & the Shondells
Tower of Power
Tubes
Turtles/Flo & Eddie
UFO
War
Warren Zevon
Weather Report/Jaco Pastorius
X
Zombies/Argent
== R&R Hall of Fame is a Joke. Dick Dale not in the Hall of Fame?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me a fuckin' break.
Of course some on that list just plain suck.
Television is awesome, however.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JETHRO TULL
JETHRO TULL
JETHRO TULL
JETHRO TULL
JETHRO TULL
JETHRO TULL
I'll keep carrying on about them until they start getting the respect they deserve.
Do you know they aren't even in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame?!
Why the hell not is what I want to know!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rofl
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like Fat Elvis, too.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like The Final Cut, too. I used to have the lyrics of The Gunner's Dream hung on my wall, next to my Jimmy Page poster, when I was about 16. Long fuckin' time ago.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<swoons twice> awesome
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, the last real Pink Floyd album was Animals. The Wall was mostly Roger Waters, and The Final Cut was almost exclusively Waters. Everything after that is pretty much a Dave Gilmour solo album.
===
LISTEN TO PINK FLOYD? I certainly didn't read far enough for that. Seriously..what the fuck?
The Final Cut is just about my favorite album of all time.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Floyd was a great band that influenced many artists.
Whoever made this list up originally had their head stuck firmly up their ass.
Nothing about Pink Floyd's music indicates that it is meant for any specific age group.
Do you know why pop magazines publish these lists? It happens when their writers are blocked but have to turn something in by a deadline. So they pull shit like this out of their asses and it gets printed.
No insight at all.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, the last real Pink Floyd album was Animals. The Wall was mostly Roger Waters, and The Final Cut was almost exclusively Waters. Everything after that is pretty much a Dave Gilmour solo album.
It would have been more appropriate, methinks, to suggest that men over 30 should not listen to, oh, I don't know, Outkast, which, also, I do.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hagard (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Off the front page with you
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 20:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Back on the front page with you
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Things no idiot should ever do:
1. Read Esquire, Cosmopolitan or any other shitty magazine developed for PMS'ing broads.
2. Post anything from said magazines on ubersite.
That is all.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah well I wish I had a skull-bong even though I don't smoke weed.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I do shots (including jell-o shots) and I listen to Pink Floyd.
rofl
--
I knew you would come along and say that!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hold on...are you a chick?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I do shots (including jell-o shots) and I listen to Pink Floyd.
rofl
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Malcontent (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am a woman too, and we are exempt from any and all of this.
================
Fuck you
And thank you for coming on Uber and being a dumb cunt.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh ya...
Submitted by camarilla (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Please, please, PLEASE grow up.
My three year old can copy and paste. Good job!!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you suck.
Submitted by Malcontent (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sacrilicious...i am a woman too, and we are exempt from any and all of this.
ugh...will refrain from copy/paste in the future.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No one should know the current real world cast. No one.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1)Copy/paste.
2) Sounds like it was written from the perspective of a 12 year old. I did jello shots and watched beer pong on Saturday and I'm older than that and a woman.
Submitted by Malcontent (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ubersite = potheads over 30.
Got it. Thanks.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Much better.
Now yer gettin' the hang of it. Now just put your OWN material up here and you'll be laughin'.
For the record: copy and paste's aren't all that impressive - AND a fair few of us have seen this as an email forward before. Original is always preferred.
Oh, and include funny/relevant pictures. People dig that shit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1) Esquire?
b) Thanks for posting this shit
c) Fuck off
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, I borrowed this from Esquire.
_______
I got that far.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2007-05-23 19:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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