The "News" has reached an all time low (506 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 0.6 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by realpolitik (View user info) at 2007-05-24 00:36:19 EDT
So apparently, it is that time of year again when the bat-shit-crazies battle the self-righteous-loonies in what can only be called a "full fledged douche off." This is that time of year that commentators earn their obscene salaries, ethics professors get the opportunity to mentally and verbally masturbate for a good three to four weeks, and if you play it right, you can appear smart to that fly honey that you so desperately want to shag. Luckily for the regular populous, so much news reporting on a given subject is likely to generate the few, albeit unintentional, hysterical observations.
Enter story number one, this comes out of Florence Arizona. Where is Florence Arizona? Who the fuck knows! But apparently this town smack dab in the middle of bumble fuck nowhere is home to a prison. Cool. Scratch that - home to a prison which has recently resumed executing people. Awesome. This, of course, has generated what can only be called a cluster fuck of arguments and opinions on the death penalty. The lucky contestant to be pumped full of death-juice is Robert Comer. Rob, as he is known to friends on the row, was sentenced to death for killing a fellow camper in 1987 while on a trip to Apache Lake. During this trip, he also repeatedly raped a female camper, once in front of her boyfriend. All of which he confessed to. He even petitioned to stop his appeal process. But sure, he deserves to live. Below is the sensationalist piece the Arizona Republic wrote on the day Robert Comer died.
Arizona Republic
5/23/07
FLORENCE, Ariz. -- Robert Comer died Tuesday with a steady gaze and a defiant smile on his face, the first person to be executed in Arizona since November 2000.
He was strapped to a gurney and covered up to his neck with a sheet.
There was no sight of the catheter into his groin that made the lethal injection possible, no sight of the executioners on the other side of a wall.
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But Comer was smiling; he had petitioned the federal courts to stop his appeals and hasten his own execution. He was in control of his destiny.
Comer brought a picture of his daughter with him to the death chamber and used his last words to say, "Go, Raiders."
Then, the chemicals coursed through his veins - first Sodium Pentathol to render him unconscious, then pancuronium bromide to stop his breathing and paralyze him, then potassium chloride to stop his heart - and he held that smile until he slipped away.
http://news.rgj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070523/NEWS18/70523027&oaso=news.rgj.com
In the haste to vilify the death penalty, they missed the funniest part.
His last words, on this earth, forever -
Were "Go, Raiders"
Wow.
Moving on. Story number two comes from the heart out of Washington D.C. Although it won't generate as much commentary, it is still funny in its own right. It started out as a great idea. A bunch of scientists, animal rights activists, and concerned citizens all got together in D.C. and thought it would be a great idea if we had a record of all the animals on earth.
Online for All, an Interactive Zoo
U.S. News and World Report
5/13/07
Think of it as the MySpace of the animal kingdom. Over the next 10 years, a consortium of institutions and thousands of amateur contributors will attempt to compile an online catalog of all the Earth's 1.8 million known living species and make it available to everyone.
Unveiled in Washington, D.C., last week, the $50 million project will feature Web pages for each species and have maps, videos, sounds, and sightings by amateurs. Funded by nonprofit groups, it will be free at least for the first two years and accessible to users of varying sophistication, from fifth graders to research scientists.
http://www.usnews.com/usnews/news/articles/070513/21cross.htm
They thought they were incredibly original, after all, this thing wouldn't just be a record of all the species, it would also have maps, sounds, and videos of them! Sounds like a great idea right?! Of course it is. Or was. . . back in 1996. What the self-righteous hippies didn't realize, was that it was almost a complete copy of the Pokedex from the hit Nintendo game Pokemon! Congratulations, you have spent $50 million replicating Pokemon. I hope you are proud of yourselves. Sure, I think it is a great idea. After all, if I want to catch a Sandhill Crane, but I am out of Pokeballs, this will not only give me its "nest," but will also tells me what its "cry," sounds like. Lets hope they implement a feature that will allow me to trade and battle with friends.
That is all for now
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-05-24 15:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-05-24 13:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's got me thinking of what my last words would be.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-05-24 03:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
FATALITY!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-05-24 01:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
review and rating below.
Submitted by Malcontent (user info) at 2007-05-24 01:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's really too bad is they fed and housed this piece of shit for the past 20 years.