Dear Ann (446 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lambchop's Death Legion (View user info) at 2007-05-30 21:02:13 EDT
Dear Ann,
You used to be fun, at least fun, at least gently amusingly insane. But girlfriend, you've changed. The thousand yard stare you've aquired in the last couple of years has said lonely nights, too much wine, and insecurity about the future of your career. Where to now my sweet fascist?
Another one of your silly books, more hilarious appearances on Hannity & Colmes? Bill Maher has to be tired of you by now. You're anything but stupid and by now you must see the writing on the wall. You'll never have a real place with the beltway in-crowd as they see you as a Northeastern hickoid pro-wrestler NASCAR type with a degree from Cornell. I mean really, Ann, where can it go from here?
Ann, I think I have the answer. In fact, I know I do. I want to hire you, Ann. I want you to come and work for me. I want you to be my "Ann Friday": my house keeper, bee keeper, floor, chimney, and mine sweeper, my window washing, grocery buying, dinner cooking, ubsequious submissive concubine-domestic. You will laugh at my jokes, celebrate my victories, and lament my failures. You will praise my friends and vow great harm upon all who oppose me. You will treat me like a god, a guru, a mentor and the best night in the sack you've ever had. You will carry my bags, wash my cars, walk my dogs, and turn your savings over to me. You will massage Susan Sarandon's aching shoulders, whip up vegan delights for Hanoi Jane Fonda, and luffa Barbara Streisand's stretch marks. But most of all, Ann, you will just shut the fuck up.
I can offer you a life of obedient servitude on my compound. In your time with me, you will learn much. You will learn that America is made up of all races, walks of life, and sexual orientation, and that it's all ok. You will learn to be patient and kind. You will learn the meaning of the word respect and memorize every line of Caddyshack. You will listen to the Ramones, Black Sabbath, and the Brides of Funkenstein. You're a figure of fun, and I plan on having fun with that figure. You will learn who your daddy is, that's for sure. But mostly, Ann, you will just learn to shut the fuck up.
C'mon Ann, you fucking psycho, lets do this.
Henry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgSBhlw-o9E
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-05-31 18:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
??????????????????????????
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-31 15:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
REPORTERS WHO ARE ALLOWED TO INTERVIEW ANN AGAIN:"
Yeah, no she seems sane.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-05-31 15:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for the transcript.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-05-31 03:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-30 21:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't really like what you wrote but I LOVE that picture
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-05-31 01:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by captainamerica13 (user info) at 2007-05-30 23:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The pic alone was pretty damn hillarious.
I agree with you about Ann, she's a bitch on wheels.
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-05-30 22:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-05-30 21:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kind of pathetic but you took that picture from 4chan
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Have you see most of the things PFF has put up?
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-05-30 21:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kind of pathetic but you took that picture from 4chan
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-05-30 21:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
More effort than just a link, I guess. Not a lot more, though.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-05-30 21:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Congratulations, you understand english and can type out what is being said on videos.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-05-30 21:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't really like what you wrote but I LOVE that picture