20 Reasons Why I Wish Optimus Prime Was My Dad (881 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.51 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Scott James Is Coming To Rob Your house (View user info) at 2007-06-04 19:06:59 EDT
Optimus Prime is the commander of the heroic Autobots, The Patron Saint of Automobiles and the main protagonist in 'Transformers'.
Here are some little known facts about The People's Champion Of The Universe:
1) Optimus Prime is as tough as Jesus Christ, drinks like Ghandi and curses like Mother Theresa.
2) Optimus Prime lives in blimp that orbits the planet Cyberton with his heterosexual life-partner, Ultra Magnus. They rent with an option to buy.
3) Optimus Prime likes reading Medieval literature, playing Sega Mega Drive and solving crossword puzzles.
4) Optimus Prime dislikes Decepticons, Mormons and fat children who are allowed to play on the escalators at the mall.
5) Optimus Prime once killed a house by looking at it.
6) Optimus Prime does not drink or drive because he is a safe driver and always observes the law of the highway.
7) Optimus Prime eats prime rib five times a day and drinks a barrel of whiskey before breakfast.
8) Optimus Prime pays his road tax on time every year because he is punctual.
9) Optimus Prime dreams of growing up to be Optimus Prime.
10) Optimus Prime enjoys watching trampoline and other televised gymnastic events.
11) Optimus Prime has a voice that can tame an angry badger.
12) Optimus Prime sticks up for the common man and shuns corporate sponsorship.
13) Optimus Prime is a great chef but does not like to boast. He lets his Crème Brulee do the talking.
14) Optimus Prime's lifetime ambition is to wear Megatron's head like a hat and take a leak from a very tall building.
15) Optimus Prime invented the longer-lasting battery, fish paste and handjobs.
16) Optimus Prime dislikes tardiness and lack of manners.
17) Optimus Prime has no opinion on China
18) Optimus Prime always puts his left boot on first as he is superstitious.
19) Optimus Prime can see music.
20) When toasters grow up they all want to be Optimus Prime.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-05 13:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-06-05 11:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Original AND funny, a rare combination...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-05 11:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-05 11:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish I could just play a soundclip of a train slowly wrecking for you
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-05 10:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OH NOES JAKE AND NICK ARE ON MY CASE HEAVENS ABOVE WHAT WILL I DO!
Fuck off gay boys.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-06-05 10:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sullys the good name of Prime
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-05 09:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who said Transformers were gay??
RIGHT!!!!!!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-05 08:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Jake couldn't kill me. He's too frail and off balance.
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-06-05 08:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cute.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-05 07:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-05 12:09:56 BST (#)
Ranking: -1
Transformers are pretty gay.
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Oh man, Jake is gonna fucking KILL you!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-05 07:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Transformers are pretty gay.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-06-05 07:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WOW NINJAS AND PIRATES R KOOL.
LOL CHUCK NORRIS WILL PWN JOO.
ROFL DONT HASSLE THE HOFF.
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looks like i just ruined your next three posts for you.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-06-05 07:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
21) you're a stunted and feeble child in an adult's body who nostalgically longs for horrible childhood television, like a god damned idiot with no life
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-05 03:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that number is way low because i've been giving him 0s since i lost my ratings.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-06-05 01:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stevie_says 1524 on 967 = 1.58 ????????
Holy shit!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-05 01:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
20 Reasons Bart should give me back my ratings:
1-20) I'll stop bitching about it if he does.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-06-05 00:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
enjoyable
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-06-05 00:43:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lamer than a quadriplegic says what?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-04 21:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2007-06-04 21:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can tell a lot about people by how they rate this post.
Excluding Shlongy.
If I hadn't grown up on a steady diet of "Newhart", I'd have to ask what you meant by that.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-04 21:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, but I like lists and random, nonsensical humor.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2007-06-04 21:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can tell a lot about people by how they rate this post.
Excluding Shlongy.
Submitted by Lugalug (user info) at 2007-06-04 20:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
S E G A
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-06-04 20:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck that, it would be way cooler to have Megatron as your dad.
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2007-06-04 20:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
7) Optimus Prime eats prime rib five times a day and drinks a barrel of whiskey before breakfast.
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Yes.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
21) Optimus Prime wears BLITZKREIG_BOB underoos.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sullys the good name of Prime
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
I have no idea what you did to piss off so many people but I certainly giggled a few times.
nice work - on both counts!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I knew from the title this was gonna kick serious ass.
Submitted by sword (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Top Reason I wish you were dead.
1) You wrote this.
Submitted by Hagard (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Prime
auto +2
Shitty post
Auto -2
I had a bad day
-2 die
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
21) 'Cuz you're a homo?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you are making me -2 optimus prime you fuckweasel. Die die die.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-06-04 19:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
like a lamer rehash of old Chuck Norris Jokes.
...LAMER YOU ASSHAT