Organized Racism Gave Me a Promotion! (841 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.55 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by NotApologizing (View user info) at 2007-06-06 14:29:27 EDT
In my years as a business professional, I've come across some extremely wordy and convoluted titles. From Executive Co-Managing Sub-Director to New / Emerging Market Political & Economic Risk Senior Analyst, I've found the wordier the title means the less that person actually knows.
Think about it. Another functional or segment specific word usually serves to eliminate you from other functions or segments. For example, 'Operations Manager' might indicate a broad spectrum of non-administrative responsibilities. However, by adding one word to the front, you go from top-manager to peon. Take the same title and put 'Data', 'Toilet', or 'Milton-Bradley' at the beginning, and you've pretty much demoted yourself about a dozen payscales and at-least 4-rungs on the nightclub pussy-getting ladder.
The point? I'm getting there, so relax.
Though I am not, nor do I know a current or former member of the Ku Klux Klan, by way of various news reports and Richard Prior's "The Toy", my wanderings on titles lead me to the question: just how does/did the KKK assign titles? And if titles indicate profession and/or area of responsibility, then it seems accurate to say that the triple K is full of nothing but a bunch of losers pretending they go to Hogwarts. Although their (real and assumed) titles aren't as wordy as some I've encountered, it's safe to say that anyone holding the following positions in the KKK is a douche-bag of Valdemoort (sp?) proportions.
By the aforementioned sources, I'm aware of the following actual titles, which are as much if not more ridiculous than the assumed ones below:
Grand Wizard (or, 'Grand High Wizard' according to the late Mr. Prior)
Grand Dragon
Imperial Wizard
Grand Cyclops
Grand Magi (jew & nigger-hater of foreign origin?)
Grand Turk
Grand Exchequer (the treasurer)
Imp
Still, I feel adequately equipped to extrapolate the entire hierarchy due to my own experience with professional titles. I've assumed the following lists - first using the 'Wizard' structure, then the 'Dragon' and so on.
If 'Grand Wizard' is top, then:
#2) Great Wizard
#3) Senior Wizard
#4) Mr. Wizard
#5) Wizard
#6) Apprentice
#7) Eddie (W)izard
#8) White Wizard (borrowing here from the belt system more commonly found in martial arts disciplines)
#9) Orco
#10) Pinball Wizard
If 'Grand Dragon' is top, then:
2) Big Wyrm
3) Wyvern
4) Roc (can you smell what he's cookin'? ...it's a wooden cross)
5) Jabberwocky
6) Hatchling
7) Whelp
8) Snarl
9) Shriek
10) Dustin Diamond
If 'Grand Cyclops' is top, then:
2) High Monocle
3) Ogremeister
4) Bridge Troll
5) Peter Falk
6) Over Orc
7) Bully
8) Grand Gremlin
9) IS Manager
10) Van Gogh
You get the idea.
If Übersite were organized accordingly, then Bart Cilfone be henceforth the 'Grand Spider'.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-06-07 20:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should be rated higher, I reckon.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2007-06-07 12:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I must admit that I have a word-stuffed title: New Market Development Manager
Translating, my job is to sell to customers we've never sold to before. All the potential customers who use the parts we make but don't buy them from us, well those customers are the new-market. The funny thing is by working with me, the only thing they 'Develop' into is an account. My success means those companies are no longer in that 'New Market', but you can bet your ass I still have to hold their hands once they're under contract.
By the way, i thought everyone should know that although lawyers are the most typical culprits of slapping the word 'Esquire' at the end of their name, their is no legal rank or professional position indicated by that word. Anyone in the world, even Bill S. Preston, can assign themselves the title 'Esquire'. Those unaware of this, might think you have a law degree and be impressed, even though you're really just giving a shout to Bill & Ted.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-07 04:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to laugh because my job title changed the other day, for the third time in less than a year, although I still do exactly the same thing (whatever that is).
I've gone from 'project co-ordinator', to 'senior project assessor' to 'project consultant'.
Not bad considering I dont even know why my job exists in the first place. If I was my manager, the first thing I would do would be to fire me, as there is absolutely no need for me at all.
Shhh! Dont tell him.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-06-07 04:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-06-06 17:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-06 17:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-06 17:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-06 17:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-06-06 16:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well ok then
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the ever-so-subtle Princess Bride reference
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, not great.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#10) Pinball Wizard
Tommy is never #10...
Unless the list starts at 10 and counts down, but that is not the case here.
That doesn't even make sense. I AM NOT MAKING ANY SENSE.
I like bikes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was clever.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Grand Gremlin"
Oh, yes...
(snicker)
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I became Exalted Grand Dragon of my beer-drinking anti-social club by downing a 1.5-liter glass (emblazoned with the words "I bet you can't...") of beer in one continuous chug. I did it, and then it foamed right back out through my nose and mouth, overflowing the glass and causing the ensuement of much hilarity and mopping. Good times, good times.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've almost realized my dream of starting a sweatshop. It took meticulous planning, investment, and plenty of sticktoitiveness.
You need to round up orphans and other children whom you can exploit; you need to find land in a developing nation on which you can erect your polluting factory; you need to find American universities with which you can contact in order to piss off campus activists; you need to arrange for your goods to get transported from the third world to western civilization on barges that carry livestock, monkey pathogens, and everything else that you've seen in movies. It can be a logistical nightmare.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"4) Roc (can you smell what he's cookin'? ...it's a wooden cross)
5) Jabberwocky "
Priceless.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-06-06 14:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not quite sure how the title fits into all of this.
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-06-06 14:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Were you to have assigned the relevant attributes and class bonuses for each of these, I would have been inclined to +2.