My Circus (365 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: -1 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Hitcher <youwontseepennyonefromme.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-06-11 07:56:37 EDT
Alright you slags?
When I'm not travelling around the world, happily depending on the kindness of strangers, I run a zoo. Not just any old zoo mind boy, an evil zoo! I'm a man of bony charm so I'm going to tell you about it, whether you like it or no!
You see, squires and squiresses... What's that? NO, I don't bleedin' well care if 'squiresses' ain't a word boy, I'm a Cockney nutjob and I'll speak how I please.
As I was saying before that twat in the cheap seats, yes you sir, interrupted, I run a very special kind of zoo. I carry it in a box around the world with me, and anyone who doesn't get the message from my massive green thumb, usually gets it when I chuck 'em in my box to see my zoo.
I run a Zoo for Animal Offenders. I've collected the most evil creatures in the world to display here boy and they usually scare the shit out of all and sundry. It's a great secondary line of work for one such as myself Uber, since I'm the very essence of evil.
I've got all manner of garb in my zoo boy, all manner of creatures to mystify and horrify, to amaze the eyes and make your spine bleed with the very anticipation of it all.
In this corner I've got The Nazi Turtle. Descended straight from Hitler and his terrible union with a shell-fish, this evil little bugger bit me when I was fishing in Morocco. So I caught him, and stuck him in my zoo as a freshwater fascist for all the family.
Moving on you slags. Over here, I've got the Ku Klux Goose. He's so evil that he has a 'Parental Advisory: Explicit Goose' tattoo somewhere on his racist body. Only problem is, I've never managed to get close enough to shave him and find out where. Feel free to try boy, but I warn you, he's not gonna like that.
My finest exhibit, however, is a true terror to behold. Why, he's so evil I won't even sleep in the same room as him. Word has it that he killed his own mother using nothing but the power of his mind, the slag!
Feast your eyes, on Trevor Robinson: The Shirehorse with over 37 parking tickets. All unpaid mind, and he's no intention of paying them anytime soon, I can tell you. Evil hooves, that horse friends.
Interpret my creatures how you will boy, but don't judge them lest ye be judged. And by judged I mean slashed with my Cockney knife of evil and fed to my menagerie.
That'll be all you slags.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-01 08:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dunno if you can shave a goose. What with the feathers and all.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-09-12 05:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know why.