How to do three important things. (862 hits)
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Submitted by skrapmetal (View user info) at 2007-06-12 07:31:37 EDT
Helpful Hints from Skrapmetal to you. These work, yes they do.
How to determine the done-ness of a steak.
The issue - everyone wants their differently cooked and you don't want to sterilize the thermometer after poking undercooked meat.
The cure - First sear the steak surfaces in the hot area of the grill. Move the steaks to the main cooking area. Wash your hands. Now, touch your left forefinger tip to your left thumb tip, making a circle. Just touch, not press down. Poke the ball area of the base of the left thumb with your right forefinger tip. Feel that resistance? That's how the steak feels when it's cooked 'Rare'. Tip of middle finger of left hand to tip of thumb of left hand. Poke with right forefinger. Feel that? Medium Rare. Ring finger - Medium. Pinky - Medium Well.
Note - I have known this for 30 years. Alton Fucking Brown owes me $5 and the bitch won't even take my calls.
How to stop hiccoughing.
The issue - you're making a fool of yourself and it's becoming painful.
The cure - Your diaphragm has lost synchronization with the other muscles you use to breathe, so you have to get it in synch again. Go to a place where you can minimize exterior sensory inputs. Lean back in a chair, close your eyes, tilt your head back. Concentrate on what you are doing. Take a full breath, then breathe out as much as you can, slowly and deliberately, forcing the last of the air out. It should take 10-15 seconds to release the entire volume. Hold that empty-lung condition for two seconds, then slowly breathe in to fill your lungs over 10-15 seconds. If you hiccough during the exercise, don't worry, just keep going. Repeat if necessary, but it probably won't be.
Note - the record for hiccoughs is 67 years. Don't be a wuss.
How to fall asleep.
The issue - your mind is flitting from thought to thought like a mad lurgid bee, preventing relaxation.
The cure - place your body in your most comfortable sleeping position. Focus your concentration on becoming aware of the muscle on top of your right small toe. Do not actually move the toe. Once you are aware of the muscle, mentally relax that muscle. Feel it relax. Move on to the bottom of that toe and do the same mental exercise. After each muscle is relaxed, do not move it. Occupy your mind by maintaining the relaxed state of each muscle as you move on to the next one. Do the next toe and the next, then the rest of the muscles in the foot, one at a time. Do the other foot in the same way. Move on to the ankles, lower and upper legs. If you're still awake (and you probably won't be), start on fingers, then hands, then arms. Torso, chest, neck, back of head, top of head. Relax your face lastly. Oh, yeah, forgot: set your alarm before trying this.
Note - does not counteract bedspins.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-12 16:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what are you snacking on that you need to rinse? I cook my steaks on my gas grill, yes I know, HEATHEN, let rest out of fridge for 20 min or so, salt pepper rub, then onto the grill, high heat. two minutes, half turn, two minutes, flip, two minutes, half turn, two minutes, done. always rare-medium, juicy as hell, and the turns give them a pretty hashmark making them pleasing to the eye. A little pat of my herb butter on top, a couple minutes rest, and then heaven in the mouth.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-10 19:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i do equations in my head to get to sleep.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-10 18:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-05 11:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How to fall asleep.
The issue - your mind is flitting from thought to thought like a mad lurgid bee, preventing relaxation.
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Unfortunately, this trick didn't work for me, nothing short of high dosage medication can help me sleep nowadays.
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Ah, well, it works for most peop... Wait! I failed to mention step zero: a small glass of good sipping whiskey maybe 15-20 minutes before performing the exercise. That or oral sex. Or if you're really wired-like, maybe both. Try that, rinse, repeat.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-05 11:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How to fall asleep.
The issue - your mind is flitting from thought to thought like a mad lurgid bee, preventing relaxation.
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Unfortunately, this trick didn't work for me, nothing short of high dosage medication can help me sleep nowadays.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-13 15:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Every one of these I've seen somewhere else on the internet. You sir, are a thief.
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Well, you're wrong. First, an accusation without proof casts doubt only on the accusor (that'd be you; I'll save you the need to look up "accusor"). Second, I do not claim to have invented these methods, only that I have known of them for some time, likely since before you were born. Thirdly, if you have in fact found all these listed elsewhere on the internet, it is clear that you waste far too much of your pasty greasy-haired time in front of a computer. And lastly, you do well to call me sir, whereas I do well to offer you no such respect.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Every one of these I've seen somewhere else on the internet. You sir, are a thief.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-06-13 04:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All of these are true, because I have tried them all over the years. My favorite way of falling asleep when I can't, is to think of black (the colour) and "move" my mind through it slowly. Takes about three minutes to frop off.
And I use a different method to cook my steak. Yeah I sear it like you say, but then I use smell. I know it's weird, but that's how I do it.
And it shits me when people want their steak well-done, or to "cut the horns off and wipe it's bum". This people know nothing of FLAVOR.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-06-12 13:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Informative. BAMF - please do the grass-seed one, I can't get it to take in my yard for some reason. I blame squirrels.
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First of all, squirrels are the root of all evil.
Secondly, the best way to cure hiccups is get a really big glass of water and drink longer than the hiccup interval.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-12 11:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-12 08:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap, you wanna adopt a 26 yr old daughter? My Dad never taught me cool, USEFULL stuff like this.
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My wife and I were just yesterday discussing adopting a 17.5-year-old and then tossing him/her out of the house in 6 months, so we can quell our parent's 'gimme a grandkid and be quick about it' whining. 26 is better, methinks - out of school, independant, can buy me beer. I'd consider it.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
will you groom me
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Most certainly not.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Informative. BAMF - please do the grass-seed one, I can't get it to take in my yard for some reason. I blame squirrels.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree with most of the stuff. For sleeping purposes I found the following two solutions: 1. Get really trashed and pass out. 2. Imagine yourself going down a set of stairs, spiral, straight, doesn't matter and as you are going down the steps they get progressively darker and darker. You can even count the steps. Eventually you'll get up and take a sleeping pill or you'll pass out.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't subscribe to ANY of your strategies for these three things.
It doesn't make me a bad person though.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-12 10:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
will you groom me
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-06-12 09:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She is my bitch. Get your dirty hands off.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-06-12 09:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I find that trying to smother myself with a cushion always gets rid of the hiccups.
Remember to stop before you pass out.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-12 09:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will adopt you so long as you groom me.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-12 09:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd adopt you.
but only if i can woody allen you later.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-12 08:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-12 08:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap, you wanna adopt a 26 yr old daughter? My Dad never taught me cool, USEFULL stuff like this.
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Well if Skrap says no. I will look after you!
But I really don't want you to call me Dad.
I know lots of useful stuff too.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-12 08:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap, you wanna adopt a 26 yr old daughter? My Dad never taught me cool, USEFULL stuff like this.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-12 08:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good advice there my man.
To try and get rid of my hiccups I normally imagine that I have just woken up with my dick in Cherie Blair; that scares me so much that my Hiccups dissapear.
Of course the problem with this little image is that I normally shit myself as well; but hell whats a change of pants when you are hiccup free?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-06-12 08:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always ask for my steak rare when eatting out, because most places over cook it.
Hics are cured by gettnig on your knees and having someone else hold a pint of water for you as you drink it as fast as you can. That works every time.
I have tried this method and every other one going, and I still can't get to sleep. I will try it again how ever. It sounds yummy.
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-06-12 07:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought of this idea like a year ago, a series of 'How To' posts.
Of course my ideas were more complex, you know like installing crown molding, when and how to properly plant grass seed, how to properly layout your kitchen floor for tiling.
Good stuff here.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-12 07:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I use that tactic when I can't sleep.
It's so nice to actually enjoy the pleasant sensation of falling asleep, as opposed to just passing out, which tends to happen far too much where I'm concerned.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-12 07:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How to fall asleep - read this post! HA!