New Testament - The Gathering (258 hits)
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Submitted by redbarchetta (View user info) at 2007-06-12 13:00:54 EDT
Part 1: New Testament - The Awakening http://www.ubersite.com/m/91082
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Jonas had disposed of Brahn (in a rather messy fashion, I might add). Unfortunately, his screams awoke the rest of the Brahn family. Jonas observed as two rooms on the second floor of the house lit up. He quickly darted across the yard and hopped over the fence, where he decided to stay for a moment.
Mr. Brahn brother, Gerald, and Mrs. Brahn stepped out into the backyard and beheld the awful sight.
"Oh god!" cried out Gerald. He ran over to the dead body and held it in his arms, resulting in poo getting all over his clothes. "What the hell happened?!" he asked incredulously.
Mrs. Brahn did not respond. Jonas carefully peeked over the fence to see what was happening. He saw Gerald cuddling Arnold in his arms, and Mrs. Brahn simply standing by the door. She had a smile upon her face.
"It has begun," she said quietly.
"..What...what has begun? What are you talking abo-"
Gerald never finished his sentence. Mrs. Brahn suddenly lifted up her skirt to reveal a machine gun in her cooter, and she subsequently disposed of Gerald.
Jonas couldn't believe what he was seeing. A vagina gun?? She too had a physical deformation which could be used as a weapon. This gave Jonas hope; maybe he wouldn't have to be alone in changing the world. Carefully, he climbed over the fence, so as to not startle Mrs. Brahn. She simply looked over at him with a smile.
"So, you are the chosen one," she said.
Jonas remained silent.
"Come. I must show you something." She walked into the house, and Jonas followed. Up the spiral stairs. Down the wide corridor. Into a small room. There, Mrs. Brahn opened a chest to reveal an old book.
"This is the ancient lore of a tribe in the Amazon. It speaks of five people who are given a gift; a gift to change the world." She handed the book to Jonas. "One is a woman; her gift is a machine gun. There is also a man who has the gift of nipples that shoot sulphuric acid. Another is a woman who has the ability to use her tig ol bitties as a jetpack. Another man has penises for fingers and can shoot ejaculate from them at will."
"Kind of like spiderman," Jonas said.
"Yes, indeed. And lastly, there is the chosen one with the ass cannon, the most dangerous weapon of them all."
Jonas looked on silently for a few moments. He then turned to Mrs. Brahn.
"Well," he said. "I guess we better start looking for the other three."
To be continued....?
User Reviews
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-13 14:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-06-12 14:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll raise this a bit if part three is "New Testament: There Can Be Only One"