23 to 40, an addendum to kaos-kings post (636 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maddog (View user info) at 2007-06-12 17:00:54 EDT
Just a few additions to some pretty good observations:
This is kaos-kings post--http://www.ubersite.com/m/109169
1 - Soda isn't good for you, but the cans are worth three cents.
Soda isn't the problem. (It goes great with various liquors.) Cans are bad and 20oz bottles are even worse. When you're slurping on a "Big Gulp," you're just a fat ass. They are considered 'Soft Drinks' as opposed to 'Hard Drinks.' Drink in small quantity.
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Soda definitely isn't the problem, though you'll be shopping for "diet" and "sugar free" as well as the infamous tonics and club sodas to go with the above. Oh, and you'll recycle the cans and bottles, too.
2 - Your friends aren't going to grow out of video games, but you might.
Games are meant to be played in your free time for a few hours. You'll find that you have less free time when your older. If you're 'making' time to play video games, you're an idiot. However, it's not entirely your fault; you can blame the game makers for creating the addictive toys that consume you. Or you can sell the fucking machine and by a bike.
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You won't play video games. Period. Unless one of the following situations is at hand: A. You are drunk at home. B. You are out and drunk.
3 - How close the dumpster is to your apartment determines how clean the kitchen is.
You'll grow out of this. Mostly because, hopefully, someday you'll have an actual house. When you actually own something, you want it to look nice. You'll eventually get sick of having to spend 3 hours doing dishes once a month, and serving guests on paper plates is a sure way not to have guests again. (Unless it's pizza for the game or a movie.)
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You'll actually enjoy having a clean residence. In fact you'll make plans to do the most mundane things like clean out the attic or paint stuff.
4 - Fast food isn't okay.
No, it's really not...
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Once you see how fat you're getting off Big Macs, you'll swear off them forever. Unless you are drunk, that is.
5 - You need more than one set of forks.
Also true. However, once you tackle the issues in #3, this becomes less of a problem.
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You'll be picking out patterns for your silverware and have a "good set" as well as one for "everyday".
6 - Your friends will grow up to be drug addicts, transvestites, construction workers, lawyers, child abusers, and firefighters, even though you all wanted to be astronauts when you were six.
True, but so what? Chances are, you'll be miserable in your 20's, working at a low level job that you hate. Eventually you'll figure it out and make changes. Very few people are doing the same thing at 35 that they did at 25. Don't freak out, you'll get through it.
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Hopefully, you've found some sort of employment that you both enjoy and excel at. Money is important, but liking what you do is more so.
7 - You shouldn't keep rejection letters, receipts or birthday cards.
You'll eventually get less of those rejection letters, but yes, pitch the birthday cards. However, once you realize the adult terror of mortgages, 401k, mutual funds, and other such assorted nonsense, you'll keep some receipts.
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This is the crap you throw away when you go on a cleaning binge. See #3.
8 - You can't actually catch a cold from being in the rain.
Yeah, mom was being a bitch that day and lied to you. Not her fault. Grandma really believed that horseshit.
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No, you can't get sick from the rain, but when you DO get sick, it seems to hang on forever. Invest in Theraflu, Alka Seltzer-Plus and top shelf bourbon.
9 - Fruit rots quicker than you can eat it and costs more than ramen noodles.
While this is true, your desire to eat ramen noodles will fade. Fast. Plus, as your body stars to age and fall apart in your 30's, you may find that fucking banana to be the only sweets you consume safely.
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You'll blow by the ramen noodles aisle in the store quicker than Grant took Richmond. Fiber will also become an important word in your vocabulary.
10 - You shouldn't look through the drawers in your parents' bathroom.
At 30, your drawers will mirror your parents' so much you'll run screaming for the razor blades caked with gray hairs. Yep, you'll start getting them, along with a whole assortment of other ailments that need creams, ointments, pills, and on occasion, a blowtorch.
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Look close. Your drawers ARE your parents drawers. Minus the prostrate and altzheimers meds.
11 - You should spend time outside, even if your yard is a gravel parking lot and some guy is waxing his car with the base booming so hard that pinecones fall out of the tree across the street.
Outside is good. And as most of those in their 30's can claim, you'll actually be getting a good amount of exercise chasing your kids out from underneath those tires in the gravel parking lot. By the end of the day, your head will be throbbing so much, you won't even notice that jackass's base.
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Exercise will also become a very important word in your vocabulary, along with cholesterol and heart disease. Find an activity you like to do (besides drinking) and roll with it.
12 - Lots of people will tell you how to be.
Lots of people will leave you the fuck alone. Hopefully you ignored all those over-opinionated cocksuckers and forged your own path. You won't have as many friends as you used to, no matter what. That's fine; you're an adult now, an individual.
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Nope. No one will tell you how to live your life. They may point and use you as an example on what not to do, but they'll respect your downtrodden state all the same.
13 - Coworkers come and go and they probably won't call when they're gone.
They'll be a rare, few exception, but pretty much... yeah. Now think back to all the people you've already worked with - Aren't you glad those douchebags DIDN'T call???
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You'll keep in touch with anyone who is worth a damn. The rest? Who know and who cares.
14 - You won't turn into a twinkie if you eat too many, but you will get fat.
Uhhh...
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You'll feel guilty enough to hit the treadmill for 30 minutes just to burn off the calories if you eat one.
15 - Artists aren't anything.
Bullshit. Artists make wonderful contributions to this world. However, maybe only 5% of them are actually what we could call "Successful." Dreams can fade into hobbies and hobbies can turn into dreams. Do it for yourself, not for fame and money. Ultimately, the best artists did it for themselves, anyway...
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Art is like wine. It's all about what YOU like and not the cost. So, go ahead, buy the velvet Elvis and sip some iced cabernet. Who are you trying to impress anyway?
Now... what's the best advice for everybody looking towards the big 3-0???
This was Scourge's post - http://www.ubersite.com/m/109158
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-13 21:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you make it sound extremely boring.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-13 03:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for the love of god.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-13 01:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent work!!!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-12 22:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-06-12 19:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep!
Though I prefer a nice Merlot.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-06-12 19:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good points here. Maybe the next decade won't be so bad.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-06-12 18:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my future.... I need a drink
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-12 18:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
23-80
1) who am I?
2) Who are you?
3) Who the fuck are you?
4) I peed
5) Clean my pee
6) The fuck you're my kid. WHO ARE YOU?!?!
7) FDR was a communist
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-12 18:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-12 17:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24173
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-12 17:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
solid addendum
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-12 17:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
addendumadddauendudndufadifnadfa.ds
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-06-12 17:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i enjoyed this. kick ass.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-06-12 17:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ms. Derkins was much better.