If the government knew how to make a good PSA... (352 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.37 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dalai Queso (View user info) at 2007-06-14 21:51:21 EDT
Time slowed, Eric could see the bullet piercing the flesh of his shoulder, the shockwaves rippling through his skin. In his minds eye he could see the flesh seared away as the burning hot projectile tore through his deltoids, severing tendons, destroying ligaments, and shattering bone. The bullet punctured Eric's skin opposite the entrance wound sending a heavy mist of blood onto the wall not far behind him.
Time returned to normal speed, and a searing pain immediately radiated from the fresh wound, sending Eric stumbling back against the wall, crying out in pain. "You got my money, yet?" Shrieked the crazed man. "That's 40 dollars, dog! Two 20's! I need that money NOW, man!" The gun wielding man labored to speak, years of drug abuse racking his body with pain and uncontrollable spasms. "I was aimin fo yo head!"
Not one of exceptional pain tolerance, Eric was not taking the bullet too well. His vision blurred, and he continued screaming in agony. "Shut up, man! Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut UP!" The drug fiend fired off two more rounds, missing Eric by several feet with each additional attempt on his life. Eric clenched his teeth, breathing hard and fast, "Let me... get to... an ATM... Just a few... minutes."
The man with the gun leaned in close, pressing the barrel of his filthy Glock against Erics head, "I ain't got a few minutes." Eric saw his fight with his best friend in elementary, he experienced his first kiss with vivid clarity, through his mind flashed the big promotion, his wedding day, the birth of his daughter, his whole life. At this range, the shooter did not miss.
*****
"Daddy!" young Madeline darted to her father, to collect the bear hug that she always got when her father arrived home from work. Mom shouted from the kitchen, "we're having my special roast Turkey with steamed vegetables tonight, dear!" Eric inhaled deeply, savoring the mouth watering aroma of the turkey recipe passed on from 3 generations back, Slateman to Slateman to Slateman. Grandpa Slateman always raved about how well Erics wife could prepare the family specialty.
Bear hug delivered, Eric sat Madeline back down, and strode to the kitchen to kiss his beloved wife. Not a single anniversary missed in 6 years, a marraige straight from heaven. Jessica spun around from facing the stove, arms wide open for her lovers embrace. "Awwwe!" came the sentiment of a 5 year old in the doorway "Mommy and daddy are gonna make me a brother!" Madeline was an intelligent little girl.
After a few chuckles and a warm embrace, Jessica leaned back with her arms still around Eric, "The roast is in the oven, Madeline and I are going to run up to the grocery store for a few things I forgot yesterday." Eric smiled and nodded. Madeline ran to the garage, excited for a car ride. "See you in a few!" Jessica waved as she followed her daughter out.
Eric strolled over to the counter where a newspaper waited for him, neatly folded and undisturbed by a certain comics-seeking munchkin. Halfway through the sports section, an erratic knock shook the door. Eric jumped, startled by the harshness of the knock, but before he could get up, a loud "THUD" shook the door, the wooden frame struggling to restrain the potential intruder. Eric bolted out of the kitchen, toward the stairs to his bedroom where he kept his rifle.
Just as he passed the front door it burst open, the repeated slams of a large man more than the door could bear. The charging man slammed into Eric, sending them both to the floor. The intruder was on his feet in an instant, Eric was shaken but could see clearly that the mans eyes were wild and fully dialated. Eric stood as fast as he could, the man raised a gun at him and pulled the trigger.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-15 21:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting but odd.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-06-15 12:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting.
I didn't like the "dear." Does anyone really say that in this day and age?
Also, the 5 year old may be mature but it was offputting to read about making a sibling. It just wasn't believable to me that the first thing a 5 year old would think or comment upon seeing their parents in an everyday type of embrace would be '"Awwwe!" came the sentiment of a 5 year old in the doorway "Mommy and daddy are gonna make me a brother!" Madeline was an intelligent little girl.' I don't think that part was even needed to be honest.
But it was still interesting.
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2007-06-15 06:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice. Liked the formatting.
Shame Eric died. He seemed like a decent chap.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting but odd.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cocaine is a hell of a drug
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-06-14 22:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in a good mood.