Gee, Thanks… (1511 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.4 on 104 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2007-06-15 14:36:49 EDT
I don't want to seem like an ungrateful bastard here, but getting gifts at work pisses me right the fuck off.
While I can appreciate the effort and thoughtfulness a coworker might put into getting me a gift (and if they had a life they wouldn't be buying gifts for coworkers, the loser scum), I'm not here to be their friend. I'm here for a paycheck.
Don't give me a little gift if I move into a new home or have a birthday. And don't get together with everyone and buy a so-sweet-I'm-gonna-puke cake and hand me a Birthday card from the pharmacy on the corner, which has been signed by a bunch of assholes that I would never choose to hang out with on my own time. Best wishes. Warmest regards. What a load of shit.
I'll celebrate my birthday my own way, thanks, either getting a slow, sloppy blowjob from some broad in torn fishnets in the alley behind the fish and chip joint in the Tenderloin, or sitting on a beach in Mexico and haggling with the poor half-starved bastard selling straw hats (while furiously swatting the shit out of the Chiclets Children with the hand-made fly swatter I got at a discount after haggling with the last poor half-starved bastard).
If anyone knows the name of the jackass who came up with the idea of a 'Secret Santa' at work, I'll pay cash for it. I'd like to kick that fucker's teeth in. Throwing your name in a hat so you can spend $20 max on some stranger, usually one of the coworkers you don't like, like the gassy one or the one with the lazy eye (and never the cute single mom with the perfectly shaped ass that swings like a pendulum crafted by God). I get stressed enough trying to pick the right gift, then when the big day comes and everyone is opening their presents, you see that every single one of those douches went way over the $20 limit except you, and then you hand your pathetic gift to lazy eye and realize that the decision-making stress is back as she engages you in conversation and you have make up your mind which eye to look at when you talk to her. Man, who needs that kind of pressure? Just let me return to my desk and get back to sabotaging Wikipedia articles.
One of the worst kinds of workplace gifts is the recognition gift. You get a $20 gift certificate that you can blow on Amazon or wherever, but first you have to access the site you want by going through the special intermediary website crafted just for your business, a service that must be provided by the lowest bidder because navigating the site swallows great chunks of your time (as you wait for yet another security protocol to load and, wait a minute, the cart you just spent a half hour filling is now empty, what the fuck?) and half the time you end up throwing the gift certificates in the trash in frustration.
The pinnacle of workplace gift-giving horseshit is without a doubt the group recognition event. You didn't get a raise this year because the company is struggling and profits are down, yet as a reward they are going to send you and all the blowhards you work with to a golf resort for three days, never mind the fact that you hate the entire concept of golf and think that people who consider golf a sport are more pathetic than the pinheads in Tod Browning's 'Freaks.' But no, instead of a nice bonus at the end of the year or hell, even a couple of crisp hundred dollar bills in a discreet card, you have to eat bad food and listen to endless speeches as the VP's pat each other on the back and foghorn about quarterly achievements, and then receive frowns and scowls when you refuse to be a 'team player' and chase a little white ball, opting instead for utter shitfacedness chasing shots with cold beer at the bar with the vaguely South Pacific theme where the drinks and the staff are all coconut scented and everyone has a blinding white grin bursting out from a face tanned by hours and hours of plodding along the green and slapping each other on the back without once ever realizing how ridiculous they look in those plaid pants.
And don't get me started on other workplace atrocities, like Casual Fridays, when the grotesquely fat and misshapen feel compelled to wear tight fitting jeans, or that motherfucker who takes a dump every morning around 11AM and somehow manages to fuse permanent clots of shit on the rear rim of the porcelain bowl, something I could never manage even if I stuffed my balls up my ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-07-14 02:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful rant.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-06-19 11:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was quite an impressive rant. Indeed. Impressive. Quite.
What happens in my office is far too disgustingly boring to ever discuss here on Uber, oh no, I simply can't. It should suffice to say that when we have our monthly meetings (which includes a togetherness inspiring pot-luck lunch) I'd rather poison them all with cyanide than sit for one minute in their collective idiotic presence.
Almond cookies anyone?
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-06-19 10:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm always the one that doesn't bother, everyone gets me Birthday / Christmas gifts and I sit back say thanks and don't even apologise for not getting anyone anything.
I don't get paid enough to spend the little spare money I have on shit for you cocksuckers! But thanks for the golf shoes.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2007-06-18 10:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-18 09:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
100
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-06-18 09:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have described my workplace perfectly, including the gassy one and the one with the lazy eye
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-17 18:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-06-17 00:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You guys all work in shitholes.
For my birthday alone, they filled my office with yellow balloons, gave me two bottles of different single malts, and then at 5pm, we went down the street to some bar and drank about $250's worth on the company tab.
__________
so, seriously...you guys hiring?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-06-17 00:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was an absolutely awesome rant.
You seem like a pretty depressing individual. We should get drunk someday.
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2007-06-16 23:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-06-16 07:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked the post and the reviews made me happy.
*tips hat*
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-06-16 06:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality ranting here...
Bad solution here : http://www.ubersite.com/m/108425
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-06-16 05:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-06-16 05:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-06-15 23:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-15 22:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-15 21:42:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can understand why you are doing it but some of us are too lazy to save pulsehead in our bookmarks.
===
I have pH bookmarked, and I don't see Jack writing there much, either.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-06-15 22:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at least youve always got your cats to go home to
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2007-06-15 21:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I've worked in that place. Sounds eerily familiar... *shudder*
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-15 21:42:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know you are posting else where these days; but I really do find your lack of decent content disturbing. I can understand why you are doing it but some of us are too lazy to save pulsehead in our bookmarks.
Please, oh please, dont waste your time being manipulated by the twats here.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-15 21:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by UCSBguy (user info) at 2007-06-15 20:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ya dumb. So why dont you stop being an ungrateful prick and enjoy that someone on this planet cares enough about you to give you a gift.
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2007-06-15 19:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The rest was ok.
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2007-06-15 19:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for the first line, because, I was having that same exact thought right before I clicked on this post. Now ill read the rest.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what? I'm tired of this. I think I'm going to just give up and let my ass get fat.
Goddammit there is fresh strawberries, whipped cream, and angel food cake in the break room and I could eat the whole motherfucking thing right now!
Never mind the triple chocolate pudding cake, 7 layer mexican dip, spready cheese stuff, and everything else that comes with a potluck.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just say this.....
"Sorry Ladies, it's just a dear friend of mine just found out she has breast cancer. I'm studying up on it so I can be a source of emotional support for her."
They'll probably give you a rimjob for that.
--
They'll help me put new rims on my truck?
That's cool, because everyone seems to hate the ones I have.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109157
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'm fast approaching some sort of Boredom Threshold.
I'm scared.
===
i'm testing insurance reports at 6:30 pm, on friday.
i'm sure you have it better.
--
You got that right. Sorry man.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'm fast approaching some sort of Boredom Threshold.
I'm scared.
===
i'm testing insurance reports at 6:30 pm, on friday.
i'm sure you have it better.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just say this.....
"Sorry Ladies, it's just a dear friend of mine just found out she has breast cancer. I'm studying up on it so I can be a source of emotional support for her."
They'll probably give you a rimjob for that.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.njsurgery.com/html/Anatomy%20Lessons/Breast.JPG
--
NSFW!!!!!
I work with 14 women!!!
I can't be seen looking at breasticles!!!
The Three's Company Stratagem is the only thing keeping me from the unemployment line!!!
mince mince lisp lisp...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.njsurgery.com/html/Anatomy%20Lessons/Breast.JPG
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess that would make men knocker-kneed?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Dude you got some crazy ass knees, yo!"
"Mah knees?? These ain't my knees, BITCH! These my thigh titties!!"
"Werrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!"
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:08:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So others are interested in thigh-boobs.
I should open up a practice and start charging. I've got a bottle of rum, an exacto knife, some cotton, some boston cream filling and some gauze. WHO WANTS TO BE MY FIRST PATIENT HEY???
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want boobs on my inner thighs so I could titfuck myself all day.
_____
Pure aweseomness.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 18:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'm fast approaching some sort of Boredom Threshold.
I'm scared.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want boobs on my inner thighs so I could titfuck myself all day.
-===
LOL
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks O-man. Now I wish I was at home watching Team America and drinking a cold beer.
{"Jeezuz titty-fucking BOOM Chrisssssssst!"}
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I just beat the game.
I may not be able to top that review.
May as well retire. There's nothing more for me here.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so bored I'm about 3 minutes away from shitting in my hand and throwing it at the walls.
Meanwhile, it is 90 minutes from the start of my weekend. Things are looking grim.
Maybe someone in the office will spontaneously combust. A little excitement always makes time fly.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want boobs on my inner thighs so I could titfuck myself all day.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well i want boobs
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't want new boobs.
And I was showing disgust by using a histrionic statement.
Bite me.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I'm convinced that I have quite possibly THE worst job in the world.
===
only an american would say that.
OMG! I CAN'T AFFORD A NEW SET OF BOOBS, I MUST THE POOREST PERSON IN THE WORLD!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I'm convinced that I have quite possibly THE worst job in the world.
Seriously, drinks?! Wineing and dining?! Offices full of balloons?! Or just having an office?!
I hope I get this other job. More money and actually be able to work in research.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus, JESUS!
http://www.sunshinerecipes.com/trifle.shtml
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have found that making vague sexual reference with 30-40 yo women and listening to their problems at home when you're the only young guy in sight is a good way to win their favors and attract the ire of old nerdy men you'd just wish they'd stop talking to you.
it's a win-win situation.
just make sure not to fuck those women...NOT a good idea :-/
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...and then eat some dubious conglomeration of pastry and fruit-flavored gelatin...
--
I have always refused to eat any food that squelches when you sink a spoon into it. You wouldn't believe how many grotesque trifles I had to avoid when I was living in Scotland. God almighty, that shit is like something out of a horror movie.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:13:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You guys all work in shitholes.
For my birthday alone, they filled my office with yellow balloons, gave me two bottles of different single malts, and then at 5pm, we went down the street to some bar and drank about $250's worth on the company tab.
--
Yes, Herr Shlong, but not all of us can say, "Treat me nice ladies, or I'll fire all you bitches."
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just practice being unsettling and unnerving in an elusive manner. It cuts down on the office chummy chum chum shit.
Kind of like a black spot on the ceiling that you just know is a manifestation of evil.
--
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, that would be a first for Shlongy.
I think mine has gotten smaller - wittled away - through overuse.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shlongy would beat apollo 'button mushroom' 88
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Around here they have birthday parties for everyone in the fucking office. You have to sit down, listen to your coworkers sing, and then eat some dubious conglomeration of pastry and fruit-flavored gelatin whipped up by some 60-year-old divorcee from Manufacturing. I've actually taken a weeks's vacation just to avoid it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:04:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I won't win THAT battle...sadly.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pah!
at christmas me and the VP went to the champagne room and put $2000 on the company AMEX to pay for strippers and veuve cliquot.
then I cancelled the staff party 'cos we'd blown the budget the day before.
BUahauahahahahahah
I LOVE bein' the boss.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
apollo and shlong, stop measuring each others' dicks already.
i win anyway. :-D
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Kraft Dinner for you canuks)
==
shhhh...don't say this out loud.
the fact that we call this crap DINNER says a lot about canada.
those anglos liek it so much that its even on cbc archive.
*kills self*
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pah!
at christmas me and the VP went to the champagne room and put $2000 on the company AMEX to pay for strippers and veuve cliquot.
then I cancelled the staff party 'cos we'd blown the budget the day before.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-15 17:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For those Secret Santa gifts, you should do what JonnyX does.
Go to the 99 cent store, and buy twenty bucks of the ghetto brand macaroni 'n' cheese (Kraft Dinner for you canuks) - it's usually 3 boxes for a dollar.
So now, you have 60 boxes of stuff, wrap em all up in a big box and giftwrap it real nice.
When they shake it, it's gonna sound like a stampede - assure them that fine china needs lots of packing material.
Revel in delight as they open the box and see no Hummel figurines, but 15 lbs of cellulite that will soon be added to their thighs.
I guarantee you, after doing this, you will never be invited to one of these again...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...still, this morning was Donut Friday. me and some new guy had to buy 40 dollars in Donuts...
--
JESUS CHRIST!
Forty bucks worth of donuts? Fuck that.
Did you know that the day after Donut Friday is Shit Grease Saturday?
===
i am experiencing that right now.
my farts are excruciatingly foul.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You guys all work in shitholes.
For my birthday alone, they filled my office with yellow balloons, gave me two bottles of different single malts, and then at 5pm, we went down the street to some bar and drank about $250's worth on the company tab.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
..."the gassy one or the one with the lazy eye"...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The reason we're going to stay at the Wharf for two is so we can walk to the Buena Vista, for starters - and to the other 87 bars/restaurants...and it's also easy to hop on a trolley and take that to BART to get over to Oakland on Sunday, July 9 for one last A's game.
The other 8 days we're out there we'll be in Healdsburg, stomping grapes.
Well, I'll be going to the card rooms, but everyone else will be doing something wine related.
But supposedly, that Radisson has a great view of the water or some such bullshit.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just practice being unsettling and unnerving in an elusive manner. It cuts down on the office chummy chum chum shit.
Kind of like a black spot on the ceiling that you just know is a manifestation of evil.
Seriously though, office shit is really really REALLY gay.
I am sooooo NOT a team player
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooh, Fanta Orange.....
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have much hate to give. It's my gift to the whole world wide.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And really, unless it's a Friend - a human being with whom you'd care to have individual or group interactions with outside the workplace, and/or someone you give more than half a damn about - what's the point of getting some drool-lipped office schlub a gift? That's like getting the ugly girl in 3rd grade a valentine.
I'd rather sniff a cushion of beer farts than receive some stupid assbite present from some fuck I work on the same floor with.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Work gifts suck a bag of dicks. I once got a sports tin filled with two Snickers bars. Just what I needed. Some bullshit piece of processed metal shaped to look like a locker, filled with nougat and CRRRRML. That's how one of the mouthbreathers who worked here said caramel. He'd just smash all the consonants together to make it more "street." I believe another favorite term was "swoll," which is, of course, what you go to the gym to get.
GOTSTA GET SWOLL SON!!!!! HOOTIE HOO!!!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...still, this morning was Donut Friday. me and some new guy had to buy 40 dollars in Donuts...
--
JESUS CHRIST!
Forty bucks worth of donuts? Fuck that.
Did you know that the day after Donut Friday is Shit Grease Saturday?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, jack...what do you know about the Radisson on the Wharf...is it as sweet as the intraweb reviews says it is?
--
The wharf?
Jesus man, that's tourist central and the crowds are huge. If you go there keep your cell phone handy because you're so tiny your wife will lose you in the crowd every time she turns around.
Some of the smaller, less noticed boutique hotels in the Financial District / Union Square might be nicer. More personalized, intimate. It depends on what you want, though.
Browse here...
http://www.kimptonhotels.com/hotels_sanfrancisco.aspx
http://www.jdvhotels.com/hotels/sanfrancisco/
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but seriously +2...fuck all this office gayness.
i always try to weasel my out of this shit saying "BUT BUT BUT I'M A JUST CONSULTANT! I CANNOT TAKE PART OF YOUR ACTIVITIES!"
still, this morning was Donut Friday. me and some new guy had to buy 40 dollars in Donuts and bring them at work at 7 am. fuck that stupid shit, i gave 20$ to to a guy to do it.
the other day i got reprimanded for not being present when they handed out a quizz called "Do you know your collegues?" sorry, i had appointments that matter, you stupid fucks.
this new place i work at is like fucking kindergarden.
my cunt of boss talks to me as if she wanted to breastfeed me.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet if I work on it I could make that last sentence even longer.
----------------------------
Please don't, I've already sprayed enough pop out my nose in response to the existing sentence.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, jack...what do you know about the Radisson on the Wharf...is it as sweet as the intraweb reviews says it is?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 16:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Casual Fridays would be nice.
--
Yeah, but not if fat people in jeans are involved.
I'll be the first to admit that a girl with a shapely ass wearing old, worn denim is one of the most compelling arguments in favor of the existence of God I've ever witnessed (and I don't mean skinny salad-eating fitness-freak straps-of-muscle asses but nice, full, round, real-life woman asses), but when you get fat people with fat guts hanging over the waistbands of their jeans and fat thighs rubbing together with such intensity you half expect a friction based flash fire and great pillows of fat bulging along the sides of the zippers and the pressure of contained fat threatening to blow all the strained seams and just lots and lots of fat, it really makes you want to get a law passed or something.
I bet if I work on it I could make that last sentence even longer.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm torn. I don't like having my birthday observed all that much, I'd prefer it to pass by quietly. But instead, they decorate my cube, make a mess of the desk with that confetti that you find in your shoes six months later. This advertises to the whole company that it's your birthday and you get meaningless "Happy Birthday"s from people who don't know you from Adam.
However, they do spring for some damned decadent cakes around here. Not the shitty, day old grocery store cakes that taste like cotton, but the good shit from actual bakeries. New York style cheesecake or strawberry shortcake with real whipped cream or chocolate truffle cake or....pardon me, I seem to be drooling....what was my point? Oh yeah, cake is good. Casual Fridays would be nice. Birthdays can bite my ass. So can company outings.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-15 13:35:30 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that ladies and gentlemen is a rant!
--
*falls out of chair, gags on tongue*
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your daddy's collegues: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5Wm5wZEzf3I
--
Considering my dad was in the Air Force and these guys are French Canadian Infantry, I'd hardly call them collegues.
Har-har "French technology."
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-15 13:35:30 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that ladies and gentlemen is a rant!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a frenchman would say "qu'est-ce que c'est"...we say "DEKOSSÉ!?!" or "KOSSÉ CA, ESTI?!" or like the teenager do in frenglish "CÉ KOI CET ESTI D'FUCKIN' SHIT LÀ, MAN, ÇA SUCK, TABARNAK!"
you see?
--
hahaha, I stand corrected.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your daddy's collegues: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5Wm5wZEzf3I
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a frenchman would say "qu'est-ce que c'est"...we say "DEKOSSÉ!?!" or "KOSSÉ CA, ESTI?!" or like the teenager do in frenglish "CÉ KOI CET ESTI D'FUCKIN' SHIT LÀ, MAN, ÇA SUCK, TABARNAK!"
you see?
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yep
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PAR LES POUVOIRS QUI ME SONT CONFÉRÉS, JE DÉCLARE L'OCTROI DE L'AUTO -2 EFFECTIF!
--
<quebecspeak>ques que c'est, fuck?</quebecspeak>
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PAR LES POUVOIRS QUI ME SONT CONFÉRÉS, JE DÉCLARE L'OCTROI DE L'AUTO -2 EFFECTIF!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm willing to bet that you don't speak in such long winded sentences like the ones you write.
--
You would be wrong. When speaking, I rant even longer (and have no problem finding something to vent about every single day at the office), with lots of bizarre detours and non sequiturs.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We just had a big potluck lunch, perfect for a casual Friday. After that, I surprised my coworker with a Hello Kitty Pez dispenser, which was met with glee.
Sounds like someone needs some help turning that frown upside down, Mr Grumpy Pants!
--
It's only a matter of time before one of your coworkers comes in to work carrying a heavy gym bag and makes cryptic comments like, "Where I would like to 'do' lunch is irrelevant because none of us are going to make it to noon."
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:08:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, loki...Give McCallum back his account.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, LOKI. KNOCK IT THE FECK OFF.
------------------
hahaahhaah
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*cowers*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-15 15:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We just had a big potluck lunch, perfect for a casual Friday. After that, I surprised my coworker with a Hello Kitty Pez dispenser, which was met with glee.
Sounds like someone needs some help turning that frown upside down, Mr Grumpy Pants!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is too much of a decent rant to be a loki post.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know. You really do come off as an ungrateful bastard.
I don't mind getting free shit on my birthday. I like cakes that have that crusty frosting that tastes like marshmallows. Secret Santa is harmless because, as you say, they're all fucking strangers so whatever you get you can always say, "sorry, I didn't know what you'd like" and move on with your life.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
B- on rant.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why dont you just go and kill Father Christmas
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You ungrateful Bastard!
actually I pretty much feel the same way and agree on most points
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, loki...Give McCallum back his account.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, LOKI. KNOCK IT THE FECK OFF.
--
Sorry I slammed your 'game' there, Tiny.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, loki...Give McCallum back his account.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, LOKI. KNOCK IT THE FECK OFF.
---------
Zinger...
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why cant you get a paycheck and meet some nice people?
I don't see why both cant be achieved simultaneously.
Stop being such an introverted asshole.
Woe is you.
I completely agree with the Secret Santa part though so Ill even it out.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, loki...Give McCallum back his account.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY, LOKI. KNOCK IT THE FECK OFF.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-15 14:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There we go. Jesus.