How You Know You're Modern And Pathetic (812 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.57 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by D "Nickname" Prime (View user info) at 2007-06-16 14:43:40 EDT
I figured you may be wondering, so after years of researching on my peers, I thought I'd create this handy guide. Feel free to add your own contributions, such as highly personal and mean ones such as "You're D-Prime!" or something other clever zinger. Or you can make real contributions. Enjoy.
But seriously, fuck Wikipedia. We can collaborate information better than anyone. Educate us with your own knowledge of pathetic practises.
- You make grilled cheese in the microwave. Not because you're poor or something, or super busy. Then it doesn't count. But if you have a working stove in your house and are so ass-backwards lazy to opt to make "grilled cheese" by putting two pieces of toasted bread and cheese in the God-damned microwave. And at 5am because you're still up, or at 3pm when you get up afterwards. And you spent all night on Ubersite, or playing video games.
- You still think about girls you had/wanted in junior high (if you're in high school,) or high school (if you've left high school.) I mean, what state is your social life in now if you're forced into sad regrets about then? Yeah, keep telling yourself you're fierce and independent and don't need girls, or that you're gay. If that were so, would you still jack of to that 14 year-old you once knew?
- You think the potential of McDonald's switching from Coke to Pepsi is wonderful or terrible and think that any controversy which may arrive is an important issue.
- You have more than 50 reviews in any seven-week period on this site. At least that's the mathematical measurement. The conceptual one is whether or not arguements and issues on this site are pesonally important to you, and you actually feel the need to attack or be admired by the people you relate with here.
- It hurts when you get up from your computer chair.
- You've read any of Maddox's articles more than three times.
- You don't make meals, but just sort of go to the kitchen and back grabbing a new small portion every time, like I'm sure some sort of animal that's better than you does.
Okay if I think of any more I'll report them in a review. My grilled cheese just beeped.
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-19 08:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It can be more funny.
"And if your idea of a first date is burning down her villange... you might be, a Viking."
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2007-06-18 23:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Huh. I didn't really think the Jeff Foxworthy "You might be a..." formula could be any less funny outside the original.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-18 14:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lol... at least you took your loss like a man. You have my respect... NOOB!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-18 12:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
for inducing some self reflection, and depressing me.......good work
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-06-18 08:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just as well, iddqd, that was your lamest review ever.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-06-18 05:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
forfeit :(
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-17 19:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-17 13:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think playing a lot of video games is a bad thing so long as it's not your entire life, and don't necessarily hold that post against him. But NO ONE who makes statements such as that should be criticizing people for having too much spare time.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-17 13:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-17 17:51:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Iddqd, I think linking to this post of yours is better than any rebut I could offer...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108753
--------
ZING!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-17 12:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Iddqd, I think linking to this post of yours is better than any rebut I could offer...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108753
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-17 12:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TheUniter is VERY clear that he gives me a -0.5, not a -1.
And yes I am proud. Half proud, half ashamed, anyway.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-17 11:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-17 11:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-06-17 02:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Maintaining a little baseline lust for someone(s) deep in your past is smart because when the opportunity arises 10 years later, you'll enjoy blowing your load all over her just that little bit more.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-06-17 00:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All except the Maccas thing. Plus I grill cheese in the griller. Which is actually faster.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-06-17 00:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
- you take the time to make lists about stuff
Submitted by Slash (user info) at 2007-06-16 23:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are obsessed with the fact that you are badass enough to make your grilled cheese in the microwave, aren't you?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-16 19:07:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
me neither, and i'm IN high school
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-06-16 18:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't even fucking remember Jr. High or High School.
Well. High school. Kinda.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-06-16 18:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-16 17:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You still think about girls you had/wanted in junior high
---
I laughed.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-06-16 16:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-16 16:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stove grilled cheese ftw
______________
I don't come in the flavor.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-16 16:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O RLLY
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-06-16 16:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm postmodern and peripatetic.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-06-16 16:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stove grilled cheese ftw
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-16 15:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I'm Cindy, and I'm modern and pathetic."
"Hi, Cindy!"
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-06-16 15:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm modern and pathetic.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-16 15:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmmmmmmm grilled cheese
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-16 15:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was a worthy contribution.
I think that is only true if you add the definer "that has no clear subject or purpose, and you are not interested in writing."
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-06-16 15:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You missed a key one
-You own a webcomic/blog/website
Oh dear: http://www.drunkduck.com/The_Taste_of_Monkeys/
Was this just an excuse for a shameless plug? Why yes, yes it was.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-16 15:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
far, far away.... someone was weeping
Submitted by laika (user info) at 2007-06-16 15:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Um, that I bothered to respond to this post?