Career Change (632 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by orph (View user info) at 2007-06-19 06:10:44 EDT
I checked again.
Damn, still the same! How the hell have I not noticed this? One would like to believe that they know their own form and self, their own inner nature. So how did I wake up like this? I'm almost certain I was not like this yesterday. And what is this burningly insatiable, unquenchable need that is rising in my throat?
Until this morning I would have laughed if someone had suggested this is what I would become, or rather this is in fact what I am. I thought my career path had pretty much been set in stone, but life can sure throw up some funny quirks.
My name, until today, was Toby Waters, and I work in acquisitions for Simon & Son Actuaries. I'm just a shade under six foot (or was), weighed about 210 pounds and have a receding hairline and thick rimmed spectacles. I liked spending time with friends, reading, springtime and puppies. I also think I may be gay, but am still a bit shy in coming to terms with it - I certainly haven't told my Mom!
But, I think something has happened overnight.
The full length mirror that hangs on my bathroom door can no longer contain my reflection. I look about twelve feet high I'd guess. My skin has turned a blackened brownish colour, cracked in places, from which a yellow oozing puss drips and burns the carpet where it falls. My face didn't used to be that ugly, but now I have a wolf-shaped muzzle where my nose and mouth used to be, and tall spiked, leathery ears have sprung from the top of my head, along with a set of curled, ram-like horns.
Yep, I am now a twisted satanic demon from the seventh ring of Hell. My name does not translate well to the human tongue, but I think it is Samyaza, Defiler of Mortal Women. Not a bad name, good strong ring to it, and it's great to finally have a moniker. It's far superior to Toby, the accountant.
And I've got wings! I've always wanted wings, but had pictured them as maybe made of white feathers, sort of angelic like. These ones are 20 feet wide when I spread them out, and are black, real jet, obsidian black! They've also got talons on the ends, which look like they'll be real handy when I need to eviscerate someone when my hands are already full.
I say hands but really, I must confess, they're more like claws and paws, suitable tackle for a minion of the dark lord. Sorry, Dark Lord (really should use capitals!).
So, with all this, you can imagine I was a bit surprised when I woke up. My silk Calvin pyjamas were in tatters, ripped and thrown about my bedroom. I think I'd also thrown up during the transformation, as there is a big puddle of reeking bile right next to my lamb's wool slippers. Oh, and I almost forgot, I have a tail! A tail! It's pretty thick and disturbingly sexy when I run it through my hands. Feels like a crocodile skin handbag, and looks oh so demon-like!
My suit wouldn't fit over these blasted wings - I ripped both arms out and tried to improvise a vest, but the fabric is so flimsy. Finally, I just went with the palm tree print sarong I got last summer down at Cancun - it's a tight fit, but does the job of covering my demonic undercarriage. Whoa - you should see the size of it. Like a baby's arm holding an apple!
I'd be lying if I didn't get some odd looks this morning on the subway. At first I was wondering what all the screaming and mass panic was about. Then I remembered, 'Oh yeah, I'm a demon', so I ripped the throat out of this chubby businessman that was scrabbling up the stairs, and emptied his hot pulsing blood down my gullet. That really hit the spot - put the fire out in my belly so to speak, but really only dented the bloodlust. A newborn baby and her mother topped me up, once I'd put my new tackle to work on her first. Poor dear, split her from head to tail!
Unsurprisingly, the office was rather quiet today. After the initial disturbance my appearance caused, we all settled down to work. Well I say settled down, but really I just propped all the corpses back up in their seats after I'd drained them of their internal organs, but I kept my boss Simon around to help set them up. His cringing and baleful moaning was like music to my ears, when usually I find him quite the bore.
Once stripped naked and crawling in the muck and filth on the floor, he didn't look nearly as intimidating as normal. I got a raise, a new office (his) and free dental. The dental plan is really going to come in helpful, as I think I chipped a fang decapitating Simon - why do so many men where earrings, and diamond ones at that?
I took my lunch break early - well who was going to say no? I think I'm truly starting to get the hang of the claw-talon-tail combo move. It works a treat at grabbing a victim from a bubbling crowd (almost always heading the other way). Five was all I could fit in, after the snack at the office earlier.
As I finished the article on this spring's fashion from Milan, in Vogue of course, I turned to go back to work. Then an ear splitting roar rang out, tumbling like rocks down a mountain, shaking the ground in a wave of sonic nausea behind me. It was enough to make even me soil my sarong, not to mention the poor humans that combusted in flame-drenched agony right there and then on the pavement! My teeth were still chattering in my head as I lurched around.
Since this morning I had thought myself somewhat of a bad ass. But this dude was the shit. I won't go into details, as my meagre words could not do justice to this resplendent bastion of evil. It was of course Satan, Lucifer, or Lucy (as I later found out he liked to be know as).
"Samyaza, just what the fuck do you think you are doing?" he intoned, his fetid breath tearing striped, bloody cuts through my skin.
"Um, I was just going back to work," I whispered, looking downwards and twisting a small hole in the ground with my toe.
"You work for ME!! Miserable worm, get back into the pit!"
"Yes master." I slunk down and went down into the crypt-like hole in the earth at his feet, ducking to avoid the back-hand slap he sent my way.
So there you have it. Apparently I'm the six thousandth incarnation of Samyaza, not the first, which is a bit of a downer. I mean, if I was going to be transformed into a demon, I would have preferred to be the first one of the line. Anyway, Lucy calmed down after a while and now lets me go back up to the surface whenever I want, as long as I finish my chores first.
Lately, I've taken to possession - you know, chaining the spirit of a mortal to your self, and jumping inside their body? I'm having a ball at the moment, hanging out in this place called the white house?
It's so funny; you should see some of the shit I've got this guy doing....
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-06 20:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
orph
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-11-06 19:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The political comment at the end was really unnecessary. It almost detracted from the rest of the story.
Almost.
Excellent work. Sort of a "Stephen King does Kafka" kind of feel to it. Very cool.
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-06-28 14:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-06-22 04:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber is great and it is a lot of fun but it isn't a place for someone who has talent and who can really write. RUN. Run far away and don't look back.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-19 18:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just following the crowd on this one.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-19 15:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
uh-oh, you mentioned Voldemort's name, now you're in for it
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-06-19 14:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh - pretty good.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-19 14:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-06-19 11:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woulda been better without the political commentary, but clever anyway
Submitted by brownee (user info) at 2007-06-19 11:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done. i actually thought bush would be lucy himself.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-19 11:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking sweet....
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-19 10:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"tackle"
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-06-19 09:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was funny.
But, honestly, I liked it until the last line.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-19 09:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As usual....
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-19 09:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the last line clinched it.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-06-19 09:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah that happens to me too
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-19 08:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-06-19 08:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-06-19 08:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I say settled down, but really I just propped all the corpses back up in their seats after I'd drained them of their internal organs
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that sort of thing has occurred to me before
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-06-19 07:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fun stuff, I always thought Bush was a demon of some sorts.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-06-19 07:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertaining
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-19 07:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weird; yet still so readable.
I want a tail, and horns, and black wings and, and a big dick!