My Adventure to Best Buy -or- Taking Adolescents to School (442 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Geddy Lee (View user info) at 2007-06-19 12:53:47 EDT
I was sitting around my house the other day, bored as usual, when I started to watch Howard Stern's Private Parts. I then came to realize that I had not heard one of his radio shows in a long ass time, and it got me to thinking about the XM Radio I had had a few years back, but never bothered to replace when it broke. I also hadn't packed a lip in a while, so my veins were filled with blood, as opposed to the usual 98% nicotine that SKOAL provided me. So I headed to the car, packed a fat one, and headed down to Best Buy on Route 46.
As with any time I listen to Rush, I get put in an extremely good mood. And anyone who knows me well knows my wittiness when I'm in a good mood; sometimes the desire to punch me in the face can get so vast, it becomes too much for any one man to take. I head into the store, with an ego-high.
I wander around aimlessly and stumble over to the XM player selection. To be honest, the selection was a bag of ass, and all of the damn components cost like $50 for a fucking standalone player, so I headed over to Heaven, better known as the Home Theater and Electronics section, which apparently was brand-spanking new. Time seemed to slow down when I was in there, lounging on a leather couch, feet up, watching fishing in HD on a 73" Dual Layer Projection screen. An employee asked me if I needed any help, I replied "Yes, I would like a cup, so that I can drool in it and not soil your leather couch."
After that, I wandered past some sweet refrigerators in the Home Appliances, but the ultimate destination was the Guitar Hero 2 setup they had by the XBOX360. I walked over to find two kids that couldn't have been older than 10 playing in Co-Op mode.
"Wow, you're doing good!" said one kid to the other, as he struggled to hold the guitar properly, let alone hit any notes on the challenging 'Easy' difficulty that it was obviously set on. It hurt my heart not to chuckle and round house kick both of them in the throat, before impaling them with the plastic guitar they were unknowingly disgracing. Don't EVER ruin Carry On Wayward Son, if you know what's good for you. If I were president, disgracing Kansas would be grounds for immediate execution on the spot, if you were lucky. Torture would only have been necessary if it was the song Magnum Opus.
So I'm standing behind these noobs, purposely trying to paint my face with a look of amazement, trying to blend in with the group of people that had gathered next to me to watch the classic rock band get annihilated at the hands of pre-pubescent children.
I hear one of them mention something along the lines of "let's try medium next!" I immediately step in, and ask one of them if I may try playing one song. He obliges, and I grin widely.
"Do you want to play medium or hard?" he asks.
"Hmm.. I think I'll try Expert. How hard can this be?" I respond, in the most nonchalant manner possible.
"Expert? You've never played before?" he responds.
"No, but I watched somebody play once. It doesn't look that hard. I'll give it a try."
Now, a moment of cockiness. The day that the original Guitar Hero came out, we got it at my frat house, and we played for no less than 4 hours a day, sometimes between the hours of 2AM and 6, and we ripped the hell out of that game. We'd play the hardest songs on expert and just try to top each other's scores. Yeah, we fucking rocked at Guitar Hero. Never mind the fact that when GH2 came out, we did the same thing. It had been a while, but some things never leave you. Just as you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl, well, you can take the guitar away from the dude, but you can't take the dude away from the guitar. That analogy didn't work as planned, but I just had to stop writing to replace a dead light bulb and I lost my train of thought, and all I want is to get this article done, so I'm going to let it slide, dammit.
So anyways, they finish up the slaughtering of Kansas, and the kid hands me the guitar. With a sly grin on my face, I realized this was my moment of glory. I asked him how to play in my most curious voice possible. I was selling a plate of bullshit, and they were first in line with their wallets out.
"Ok, so the note comes down and you hit this thing?"
Oh yeah.
I chose Sweet Child O' Mine, since the solo at the end holds within it the power to melt your soul right out of your body, leaving you as a lifeless puddle of flesh on the floor.
We start up some Co-Op mode, me and the 10 year old. The anticipation of dominating a kid who probably wasn't even attracted to tits yet by means of major guitar ownage was bringing my blood to a low heat. Throw in some peppers and onions, and you have a Saute of Destruction that I was about to lay down in front of him on a gold plate with all the trimmings.
The song starts up, and I just start destroying the song. I hit every note for the whole part up to the solo. We're going back and fourth [he had his side set to easy], and he's looking at my side in amazement, like he just stumbled upon the Holy Grail. To summarize the rest of the GH2 @ BestBuy experience, I absolutely annihilated the song [and I mean that in a good way, unlike the 'annihilation of Kansas']. The kid goes to me
"Hey, you're pretty good!"
I look him in the eye, his father standing behind him, and say:
"I just took you to SCHOOL, SON! GOOOSH!"
The father looked at me like I was a joke. My ego-high tripled. I just took a 10 year old to school in Guitar Hero 2.
User Reviews
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-06-20 09:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-20 09:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is the wrong place for ya buddy.
you will make no friends here.
we ALL hate rush...
uber is german for "great dislike of forgetable canadian bands from the 70's"
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-20 05:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2007-06-19 18:36:11 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
My first post got kicked off the front page 3 seconds an hour after I posted my second one; didn't know about the one a day rule. I'm not the first person to repost a topic. I could also care less about my overall rating, because in all honesty, you guys rating articles is like asking a class of retarded students how intelligent they think their special ed teacher is. By the way, you guys are all complete idiots.
==========================
I was going to -2 you for what is at best a mediocre post about, well, let's be honest, triumphing over children is hardly something to brag about, is it?
I'm also giving you a -2 for re-posting the aforementioned article.
And some fucking n00b calling us idiots? Also, a -2.
A shame that there isn't a -6 button really, isn't it dicklips?
Submitted by redbarchetta (user info) at 2007-06-20 00:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didnt even need to read the post
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
<3 Hilarity.
You're missing my birthday, WHORE!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You don't mind if I like follow you around and worship you, right?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It annoys the crap out of me when people brag about being good at guitar hero, especially when they don't play the real thing (which you didn't mention either way), but this was decently written, so I'll give it a "worth reading."
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah, I'm just kidding. You folks are all so welcoming to newcomers :)
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not terrible.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you were hanging out at Best Buy in the middle of the day and beat some 10 year olds on a video game? Please tell me you're running for president in 2008, I wasn't sure who to vote for before.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love it when n00bs come here and act all superior, talking trash how we're all complete idiots and they're the golden exception.
Guess what, if we're all idiots and you're so superior, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?!
Hi Kettle, I'm - you're a nigger.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
because you need it
Submitted by ralphyboy (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Doesn't even know that Howard is on Sirius Radio, not XM
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My first post got kicked off the front page 3 seconds an hour after I posted my second one; didn't know about the one a day rule. I'm not the first person to repost a topic. I could also care less about my overall rating, because in all honesty, you guys rating articles is like asking a class of retarded students how intelligent they think their special ed teacher is. By the way, you guys are all complete idiots.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Hmmm...my overall rating is low. What should I do?
I GOT IT!
I'll repost my first post!"
COme up with new material, or get the fuck out, Dane Cook.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-06-19 13:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Packed a lip? Knows your witness?
Come back when you don't talk like a 14 year old.