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Re: Good Writing Pls (344 hits)

Category: None

Rating: -0.63 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by redbarchetta (View user info) at 2007-06-21 15:03:06 EDT

My attempt at good writing
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A squat grey building of only thirty-four stories. Over the main entrance the words, CENTRAL LONDON HATCHERY AND CONDITIONING CENTRE, and, in a shield, the World State's motto, COMMUNITY, IDENTITY, STABILITY.

The enormous room on the ground floor faced towards the north. Cold for all the summer beyond the panes, for all the tropical heat of the room itself, a harsh thin light glared through the windows, hungrily seeking some draped lay figure, some pallid shape of academic goose-flesh, but finding only the glass and the nickel and bleakly shining porcelain of a laboratory. Wintriness responded to wintriness. The overalls of the workers were white, their hands gloved with a pale corpse-coloured rubber. The light was frozen, dead, a ghost. Only from the yellow barrels of the microscopes did it borrow a certain rich and living substance, lying along the polished tubes like butter, streak after luscious streak in long recession down the work tables.

"And this," said the Director opening the door, "is the Fertilizing Room."

....to be continued..?

User Reviews

Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-06-22 03:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

its as 'good' as anything here.

Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-06-21 17:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Gonna bleed you, boy.

Gonna bleed you slow.

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-21 17:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

"Nice catch, Hayes...Don't ever fuckin' do it again."

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-06-21 16:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

The Good Writing P.I.s say "neyoooo."

Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Brave New World ripoff but fuck it, im bored as shit keep it going

Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Good writing, but way too short.

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

Submitted by redbarchetta (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I thought the request was for good writing, not against it.

i'm gonna take a wild guess and say you don't like aldous huxley.

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I thought the request was for good writing, not against it.

Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

keep it coming....

Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You've captured my attention with this. I'm very curious to see where you're going with it.

Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-06-21 15:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

maybe if there was more than 1 paragraph to get me hooked onto the story I'd care if it was continued.

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