Meta-Cow 2.0 (Beta) (451 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.66 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by D "Inept" Prime (View user info) at 2007-06-21 23:48:17 EDT
The theory for the ultimate Genetically Modified Organism (GMO) to solve some of the Earth's key problems has been developed - it is called Cow 2.0. The full name is "Meta-Cow 2.0 (Beta.)" The 2.0 comes from the fact that it is so different from, and so superior to, the traditional cow, that it should be considered an entirely new version. "Meta" is added to the front because the powerful, transcendental implications of that prefix express the extreme nature of this being. Lastly, the term "Beta" is in reference to the fact that such a powerful entity can never be fully completed, and will constantly be given genetic updates, so that it is perpetual "Beta mode," that being the term software developers give to software that is still in testing and still ready for updates.
Cows are the Western world's most important animal used for consumption, so if we are to use genetic modification in order to create an animal quintessential to the aide of survivial, they are a good starting point. They are also delicious. From here we can modify the delicious cow by adding genes from other animals that will be useful towards the goal of making cows solve the world's hunger problems. The following animals will have their genes sampled for use in the creation of Cow 2.0.
Elephant: The elephant genes which make them so huge will be put into this Cow, so that one cow will produce a greater mass of meat (but unlike the Elephant, will still be delicious.)
Rhino: In order to make this cow numerous enough to be utilized, and to be consumed in mass without going extinct, it needs to reproduce quickly. Well, the term "horny" came from somewhere; you can figure out the rest.
Camels: It would ruin the objective of Cow 2.0 if the increased size and numbers of the species required it to consume more and made it more difficult to sustain. So the species will be given the camel genes that allow the animal to survive on so little sustenance, even in the desert, as Cow 2.0 will need to be used in the third world.
Chuck Norris: The classic American action hero can defeat any foe, including communists and aliens. If we want Cow 2.0 to survive and repopulate without being defeated by other animals that may resent it, we will need the ass-kicking power of the actor who played Walker Texas Ranger.
When these genes are utilized, we will have an animal that is delicious, huge, horny, resourceful, and trained in combat. God better get a NEW day-job.
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The previous was one of my final assignments for my world issues class, and included the following image.
User Reviews
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-06-23 01:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-22 13:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll give you a +1 on ths CHANCE that you really did turn in that image in a class.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-22 12:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm genetically altered cow argggggggghhghhghhghghghghghghghghghh (drools)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-06-22 12:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The waiter approached. "Would you like to see the menu?" he said, "or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?" "Huh?" said Ford. "Huh?" said Arthur. "Huh?" said Trillian. "That's cool," said Zaphod, "we'll meet the meat."
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-22 05:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mecha Moo.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-22 02:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes, but where's the USB port?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-06-22 01:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I still love you cow.